A Kid’s Eye View

It has been an absolute blast (among the eyeball scratching and hair pulling times) raising my three kids and listening to the crazy and insane ideas that come out of their minds as they struggle to grasp what life is all about and how they will manage it as they get older. I have been trying to get some basic ideas about living and adult responsibility in their lives to help prepare them for more intensive lessons and conversations later in life. Some of the questions and answers they give me (and some random, unprovoked comments) make all the frustrations totally (well, mostly) worth it.

Body autonomy – Since sending my kids to daycare or putting them in other people’s care and since they could understand English, I’ve been trying to teach them body autonomy – that they are in control of their own bodies and they decide when and when not to be touched. Obviously, the intent was to make sure they are aware that even if an adult tries to touch them and makes them feel uncomfortable, that they can say “no” and it’s okay. We don’t even force hugs or kisses from us if they don’t want them.

The other night, I was trying to get all three kids bathed in the 30 minutes we had to bathe them, feed them, and then get them to bed after soccer practice. Luckily, we have two bathrooms, but, of course, THAT particular night, they all decided they wanted to take their own baths and not share (we would typically have the two boys share a bath to move things along). The two older ones are mostly reliable for properly washing themselves, but Calvin, at 4, still hates to get his head wet – like he does the whole, jump up, jog in place while screaming and trying to bat the water away. This night was no different and when I rushed in there to change out the boys for baths, I saw that, as expected, Calvin didn’t have a wick of moisture on his head. So, I walk over, frustrated, grab the cup, douse him with water, absorb the following tantrum, get soap, wrestle this wart hog until his whole head and face have been washed all while he is screaming and then says “MOMMY! I said ‘NO’!! Don’t you KNOW what NO MEANS?!?!?” **

**Granted, this is also the child who will find moments like when he’s getting into trouble to look me in the eyes and grab my breast, smile and say “I touched your boob”

Mortgage – The kids were asking us about money one time and about why we have to work. We told them that we have to make money to pay for living – our house, food, electricity, etc. Kids: “What do you mean, you have to pay for the house?? We already own it.” This produced good laughs from Tony and me. We explained that houses are too expensive to buy and that most people have to borrow money from a bank to buy a house and slowly pay the bank back over time. This completely blew their minds. India asked “Well, there are so many houses, why don’t you just go take one that no one owns?” Oscar came up with “So, when we turn 18 and have to move out of the house (this is something we have convinced them of), we don’t just get our first house for free??” No, you don’t, silly, they’re too expensive and you’ll likely have to rent for awhile. Oscar “But why are houses so expensive? They’re just like walls and a roof and stuff” – It’s the “and stuff”

Working for wages – We have been trying to get the kids to help out a little around the house – as much as can be expected from a 9, 7, and 4 year-old. We offer small amounts of money in exchange for doing jobs around the house like unloading the dishwasher or cutting the grass. Depending on the level of difficulty, we pay $1-5 per chore. I was busy one day doing all the normal chores that I do just to keep the household going while Oscar was begging me to buy something for him that he found on Amazon. I told him HE could buy it but he said he couldn’t afford it. I offered him the opportunity to clean the kitchen with the enticing offer of $5 to start to save up for said toy. He reluctantly started unloading the dishwasher, upset and said “It’s not FAIR!! You guys don’t have to do chores to get money!” Hahahahaha – no, we get to do chores for free, but we do have to work for our money.

Going to school – Calvin got to start pre-K this year and he was SO excited. He can’t wait to get to go to the same daycare and school as India and Oscar, but pre-K was the first step. He talked about pre-K for a minimum of 6 months before it started. He knew who his teacher was going to be, he loved her, he wanted to pack his backpack and his lunch and just ABSOLUTELY could not wait for all the magic and glory that pre-K was sure to be. The first morning we had to get them all up for school, it was 6am and I went to wake him up, he grumbled his adorable tiny person grumble, then I told him it was the first day of pre-K and he bolted upright in bed, a huge smile spread across his face and then he leapt out of bed, ready to start his day! The next week, Monday morning, we went in to wake him up, he grumbled, we reminded him that he gets to go to pre-K, bracing ourselves for his burst of excitement, only to hear his tiny muffled voice, buried in blankets and pillows “No, mommy, I’ve already been.” Me: “Oh, sweetie, this is just the beginning!”

How babies are made – Since I knew I wanted children, I was determined to make sure they know how babies are made and not dance around it too much. Obviously when they’re very small, we just said stuff like “You came from mommy’s belly” and that was acceptable. Later it progressed to “Well, how did you get me out?” – “Well, you came out of my vagina” to India and “The doctor cut you out of my belly” for Oscar (footling breach) and Calvin (after hours – no VBAC). Inevitably, the questions got more detailed as they got older. Oscar was convinced that girls came from the vagina and boys from the belly. India finally got to the question I was both looking forward to and dreading. What if I told her how sex works and she thinks she should try it at her age?? I wanted to keep my girl innocent at the same time, make sure she was fully aware of the meaning of sex from the beginning so she wouldn’t be caught by surprise or taken advantage of (cause knowledge is power)

So, armed with the tiny bit of amusement I get from telling someone that the bump next to their dog’s penis that they keep touching to show me is, in fact, his erection and watching the horror on their faces, I told India how the man gets his “seed” which I now changed to “sperm” into the uterus. Upon telling her the exact mechanics of how fertilization happens, she had a horrified, disgusted look on her face. “Ewww, mommy!” Then, a touch of realization entered her face. “Wait, is that what you and daddy had to do make us?!” “Yes” Mouth agape – “Was it GROSS??”

A little while later, all three kids were gathered and the topic came up again. This time, Oscar decided was the one to ask the hard question. “Mommy, how does the man get the ‘seed’ into the woman?” Up pops India, in a heroic effort to protect the innocence of her younger brothers, but also, more likely to keep her own ears from hearing it again, she screams “You do NOT want to know!!!”

The cost of life: Last weekend, India had her first sleepover with her friend coming to our house. We had pizza, I made brownies and some weird unicorn milk shake thing, they stayed up until 4 and had a blast. The next day, her friend wanted her to come over there and Oscar begged and begged to spend the night with his friend. I finally pulled some strings and had Oscar spending the night and also had Calvin staying with his grandma. Then, we stopped at a grocery store to get the team snacks and drinks for Oscar’s soccer game we were going to. You would think we would just have a bunch of happy kids, dancing and singing us praises in the backseat. You would be wrong. Tony went into the store to get the snacks, while I sat there and refereed whiny kids who kept saying things like “it’s not FAIR” until mommy lost her mind.

When Tony got back to the car and noticed the somber atmosphere he entered, he asked what happened. I said, “oh, I was just sick of hearing them talk about how unfair life is when they are ALL getting exactly what they wanted, so I told them about orphans and how babies are given away at birth and they don’t even have a family to love them.”