I’ve noticed a steep increase in a new mindset that is particularly disturbing to me. Despite universal economic hard times here in the US, I still see and hear people who are not suffering as much blaming the ones who need help for their misfortune. Now, to be fair, this has easily been going on way longer than just recently and was mostly race centered, but it has increased as of late. Young people are called lazy and over indulgent, single mothers are called irresponsible, people who chose an education to better themselves and society are called dumb and a waste of resources, people with disabilities are called lazy and drug seekers, people who balance three different jobs and still can’t afford life are told to “just get a better job” – easy peasy.
This trend extends, unfortunately, to people who are seeking refuge from a terrible life/government where people are murdered daily, death is around every corner, children grow up terrified, and housing may or may not be there in the next few days. These people get called criminals, drug dealers, terrorists, and get told to go back to where they came from because we don’t want their kind here.
I have been so greatly disturbed by this mindset as an “outsider” Christian – I believe in everything Jesus taught, but don’t tend to agree with the loud “christians” who only spout the old testament. Growing up just outside the church in a VERY Bible-belty area, I got the impression from friends and acquaintances who were trying to get me to join the church that Jesus was this awesome guy who wanted to help everyone in need and told everyone else that that should be their goal as well. He told everyone to give up all their material goods and follow him and his teachings.
Imagine how I felt when all of these people who attend church every single Sunday and will offer “thoughts and prayers” for situations, argue until they’re blue about the sanctity of the church and church-goers and how only following Jesus will get you into the kingdom of heaven, started spewing hate toward people in need. Was this real life? Had they lost their way? Were they referring to a different Jesus than I was taught about? I got into an existential crisis and started questioning everything. Do I even want to believe in a God if their views are correct? I pondered and thought and talked to Tony, my therapist, my friends, groups on facebook, literally anyone who would listen to me.
Finally, after having a moment of my own where I saw someone suffering and immediately thought “they could try harder” I understood where those people were coming from by having experienced it myself. When you look at someone who is in a worse situation than you are and you’re sitting relatively comfortable and they need so much help, it hurts. It hurts to think they are suffering while you are okay. It hurts to think you probably can’t help them like they need. It’s like survivor’s guilt. “Why was I born into a comfortable life and they are suffering?” And you know what is SO much more comforting than feeling all those feelings?
Blaming the victim.
Yes, if you can convince your brain that this individual or group has somehow wronged in such a way that it makes them “deserve” this hardship, dealing with their suffering is SO much easier to swallow. You just say “Ugh! Pathetic, I would never end up in that situation, this is HIS fault!” then, you can continue about your day without the horrible guilt/sadness. It’s so easy to see their life from your life experiences. “Obviously, if I were presented with their dilemma and I had my current body/mind/family support/education/economic status I would have made a decision that would not have put me in this dire situation”
So, being a mean, heartless Christian is really being a victim of deep set, subliminal self preservation. THEY are victims as well. So, if that’s the case, you should help them, right? You know better than them, and that they are doomed to be mean hateful people because YOU would never be that way with your background/familial beliefs/worldly experience/acquaintances who have brought you up to be loving. Oh, full circle, huh?
Now, if we can figure out HOW to help them see how far they have wandered off the path of the very person they worship… I’m open to suggestions.
Been heartbroken about people I thought I knew ever since I realized that they couldn’t see how contrary to real Christianity that Trump is. I will never understand the blind loyalty to him. Only Jesus is worthy of worship.
Thank youfor your boldness! Your thoughts resound like my own.
Hope it makes sense to you, tonight my mind works in French mode so the words might sound strange.
Well said and agree . These are dark days. Trying to see hope in the small wins. Every day! Please vote everyone has a voice and stand up to hate!
It’s a very difficult time. As a Canadian and an “outsider” it’s been a ride watching everything happening in the States. And now with the Christian community at odds with each other is very interesting. The Catholic Church via the Pope is calling out the “Christians” in the States. Here in Canada we have smaller sects of groups of Catholics,Protestants, Presbyterians, Reform, Anglican, Baptist etc but no huge Christian National movement like what’s happened in the States. There is a clear separation of religion and parliamentary proceedings. I’m older. My dad was Canadian infantry in WWII. We all went to war as allies. Now we’re being attacked as enemies. I don’t know what to suggest. I fear we are all headed down a very dark road. There is nothing uplifting about any of this. Nothing good can come from any of this and I fear for our children. You are not being a mean heartless Christian. You are seeing what’s actually happening and you’re reacting. As you should. Because all of this IS so wrong. And coming from outside your country so scary.
My father was in WWII also, in the US. I know a couple of people in Canada and I always loved their sense of loyalty to their country, so I hope you know that there are some of us in the US who are also very aware of the dangers ahead, happening right in front of us. I would happily stand next to any Canadian in defense of their right to their own sovereignty. I think there are many Americans who are not in agreement to insert Canada into the US. Have faith, the odds of it happening are in reality, pretty slim.
Thank you, Emily. It’s heartbreaking to see that so many people who use the label “Christian” have almost nothing in common with the teachings of Jesus. I fear that a cult has taken over. I can’t understand and I don’t know what to do or say. In my 76 years I have never thought that evil could be so widespread and acceptable.
This was really deep. Unfortunately we won’t be able to change others who start having a mob mentality. All we can do is hope they come back to the light.
In my career I worked with all types of people, from those who were born with no chance in life to those who chose to live in evil, and those who professed Christianity but did not live it. One thing I try to remember is that we all have to answer for ourselves in the end. No matter what happens, did I do the right thing, in the moment in time that it happened. That is the only thing I have control over, and can’t do anything that is not in the present and within my control. Desiderata. When I meet my maker I hope that I can show that I tried, that I recognized my failings, and that the next person will have to do the same for their own lives. Take each day one at a time, do the best you can in making decisions with what you are confronted with in the moment, Those who profess their faith but fail to live it will have to answer for themselves, and I don’t have to worry about them for they too will have to answer to their maker. We all have failings, most have shame when they fail, but from that lessons are learned so we will do better then next time. The whole idea is to have a personal relationship with God, it is between you and Him, and not necessarily the sometime trappings of religion, regardless of which one I hope you can find some comfort in this.
I think you said it very well, Karen, especially about having a personal relationship with God. I have found that if someone has to tell me they are Christian or hides behind a cross, they don’t always live by “Christian values” such as “do unto others as you would have done to you.” We can’t always help those less fortunate than us, but we can treat them with kindness.
Judy, thank you. Perhaps what should be remembered here, for everyone, is Judge not, that ye be not judged.
As an atheist, I have no suggestions for how to help those people (or patience for them, to be honest), but I hear you. The turn in the public discourse has been deeply disturbing.
I love your heart Emily. I operate on the thought that I only have to answer for my intent and behavior. So, for example, if I give to someone, I am responsible for the spirit and intent in which I gave….they are responsible for what they do with that gift. I don’t believe it is our role to judge how or why a person is in a particular situation or circumstance, it is our role to give whatever help/support we are able to.
Yes! Only God can or should judge. My purpose on earth I believe is to love others, help when I can and walk in faith with God.
Agree with everything you said.
Right there with you. Raised in a very conservative Protestant church, I continue struggling with the judgemental attitude. Definitely Old Testament – Job, King David, Solomon, and many of the Old Testament greats who carried great wealth and were looked on with God’s favor. But – people seem to forget the struggles they also went through. With Job – his entire life was wiped out through no fault of his own.
My husband and I co-founded a food and clothing program in our area. Yeah, I have seen the people who have dug their own pit but the biggest majority are struggling due to our country’s policies and practices….many of them designed to keep the disadvantaged down in the pit. I don’t follow the definition of Christianity that the world embraces – I always return to the Bible – taking advice and life guidance from the author of life and the one who gave His life for those in the pit.
You are not alone in what you see and what you are thinking. There is a White Christian Nationalist movement that has been trying to gain ground for years. Looks like it’s finally succeeding. There is a fear by this same group that the White population won’t be the majority by around 2045 or so, thus the push to remove as many people of color as possible out of this country. This is also the reason behind abortion bans. They want to keep the little ladies (White ladies) barefoot and pregnant. We had a deacon at church give a firey homily at the beginning of January this year. He asked what about the commandment to Love? It made a lot of people squirm. They are trying to destroy our education system too. Not only are they taking funding away from universities, they are raising the tax on endowments to 14%. It’s currently like 1%. ( I didn’t know there was a tax on endowments) I have believed for a long time to try and live my life by following the beatitudes that Christ taught us. We do what we can, donate where we can. Show kindness whenever possible. Protest peacefully, and stay vigilant. Love you and your family.
They are set in their ways. They clearly don’t read the New Testament and know the teachings of Jesus. The BEATITUDES. ‘Love God with all your heart and soul, and your neighbor as yourself, ‘which Jesus says sums it all up.
I’m right there with you; heartbroken that they use Jesus and God to get power, when that is so opposite of what Jesus taught.
We belong to an anglican church, but I find that I can better help others when it is outside the church. I agree with all of your observations! I try to “zoom” in on the things I can do to try to relieve another’s burden. Thinking about the whole picture drives me crazy & makes my heart break. Lately I feel like church is a facade, but that doesn’t mean God is a facade. Frustration is a very natural human feeling, but let that pass and do what you can when you can to help fellow humans no matter where they came from!
Thank you for this post. It’s what I’ve been feeling without having the words. I will share with my family if that’s ok. They need to hear the message. I think one thing that might help is one on one conversations. Listening and understanding is easier.
Oh man. I wish I had an answer. I wish someone had an answer and all of this insanity would stop. It was all hard enough in 2016, which was the beginning of bullying and violence suggested to be “normal” It’s not normal and not being able to talk to anyone who thinks this is normal is a nightmare. Things are worse now because there is no Superior Court to reign in what’s going on. So many things are spiraling out of control and I can only hope that “my” God will protect us from the out of control power for greed that is happening.
It is frightening how Gd fearing people can so quickly turn and condemn those who are not like them. Yes, this conundrum has been occurring since slavery – arent’ all “men” created equal? Sigh. I have little hope as I see us entering an era we thought had ended 80 years ago, “the never again” world. The seemingly impossible is again possible and happening before our very eyes.
Wish you would post more often. Your thoughtfulness is so refreshing, empathetic and kind. Thank you so much. All your posts are marvellous!!
Well said
Every word you wrote. Thank you so much for having the courage to say this. I too was raised Christian and can’t begin to understand how Jesus’ teachings apparently no longer apply to so many. Sending big hugs of support to your family.