You may have read my previous post (and I encourage you to before reading this one): https://dremilythomasvet.com/i-appreciate-it-but-youre-wrong-about-me/ But if not and you don’t feel like it right now 1. you’re my kind of person 2. Here’s some background (you may skip if you’ve read my previous post)
I was raised in the deep south where you were either Southern Baptist or straight up heathen. My parents did not raise me to be religious (me=heathen) and I struggled a lot with whether or not there was even a God. I believed there was deep down inside but couldn’t wrap my head around the “loving God” that the people trying to save me taught versus the highly judgmental, hateful god they all acted like they served by their demeanor. (btw “Saved!” is a fantastic movie if you want to know what it was like to live in my town)
So, before you decide to stop reading – ugh! another religious, witnessing post – just know that I felt and sometimes still feel the way you might about people wanting to talk to you about religion. This post is purely to walk you through a part of my journey. To be quite open and honest, I still struggle with the workings of God, whether we’re all worshipping the same god, but kill each other over the minor differences in translations, whether we just made God up to give us hope in the dark depths of despair of there just being nothing after death, why no one we love has come back and told us there really is a God, and maybe, if we all just lived like we are told, following the golden rule (in almost every religion), maybe that’s just the best way for us all to live and thrive – through love.
So, here’s a few stories about my asking for an answer from God and getting them. I’ll tell you He certainly does not answer all the time or even most of the time. There are definitely periods in my life where I think I just made all these experiences fit with there being a God, but then sometimes, He answers again when I’m not expecting it.
I’ve told you the story about how I came to work for Dr. Pol – I prayed for an answer to our current situation – I needed a new job fast and I was pregnant – and then Dr. Pol called me and off to Michigan we moved – from South Carolina – and that ended up a good thing for me – I have people interested in me and I made good money with the Nat. Geo Wild network. But then, there was leaving Pol Vet. I was miserable – as you can read in my blog “Growing as a Veterinarian” – too much time given to work, too little time with my little ones. I was angry, always miserable, didn’t have many friends due to having kids and always being busy, no family, and was quite honestly, lonely despite being surrounded by people ALL the time. My therapist kept telling me over and over to just leave, get a new job somewhere else where the environment was better for me.
I was scared. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to find a job somewhere else and what if I did and it were even worse?! At least at Pol Vet, I knew what the struggles were, a new place could be worse. Unbeknownst to me until more recently, God sent a very indirect message that, sure enough, got me moving. I had been going to see my doctor on a relatively regular basis and had always gotten along with him pretty well. After we became Facebook friends, I realized we had a lot in common from sense of humor to political views. I talked to Tony about it, and though he thought it was a bit weird, agreed to hanging out sometimes. I invited the doctor and his wife to go out for a beer sometime. He agreed, though he and his wife were separated. My other best, good friend, Dr. Sharkey had already been swooped away (mentally and emotionally) by my brother – which was also cool.
We all hung out a few times at a local brewery, having a ball; talking, laughing, swapping horror stories about our professions. He and I chatted on Facebook messenger often (I even showed Tony our conversations as they were always just silly and fun and I’m, like, the most honest person you will ever meet and didn’t want to be thinking Tony might be thinking anything weird was going on) and I got some good laughs while at work which totally brightened my day. We met up with our kids and his for play dates and had him over for dinner and game night. Eventually he would tell me that he had a girlfriend – I was ecstatic for him! I tried to invite her out with us too, but she was frequently breaking up with him and then making up – I couldn’t quite figure it out until a message from him greeted me one morning at work that just said that his girlfriend was jealous of me and that he wasn’t allowed to be friends with me anymore.
And just like that, he was gone. I was blocked from contacting him at all, complete black out. One moment we were joking, then next, he was gone from my life. I was crushed. I hadn’t had a good, consistent friend in so long and now I was back to being lonely. That whole day sucked, then a Tom Petty song came on the radio “Time to Move on” and it hit me full on. I knew that it was time to get out of my situation. I can only now look back at that time and see that as the final push to get me to pick up and move out. God knew I was scared and hunkering down, clinging to anything I could to not have to make a change, then he just shoved me off the cliff. And I’m very thankful that He did, though I still secretly wish my friend would be my friend again.
The next story is a little silly, but I still give it a lot of credit due to the timing and odd occurrence. I was dating Tony and still wondering about God, did He exist, did He not? We were vacationing with my mom’s family at Pawley’s Island, SC, staying in The Penguin as my family had since my grandmother was adopted at 16 years old (orphaned with her brother due to alcoholism and suicide). Fishing and crabbing were activities we sincerely looked forward to every year. We would surf fish – wade into the ocean, holding the fishing pole high over our heads as we battled waves, just to cast as far as we could past the surf and would usually pull in anything from the regular spot or pinfish, mullet, bonnet head shark pups, and the occasional sting ray or particularly stubborn crab who wouldn’t let go of the bait.
One night, I had convinced Tony to go night fishing – same thing, just in the dark of night where it feels like the ocean just might swallow you into the swirling blackness. I had done this activity several times with my brother and cousins, and we would catch about the same things as during the day, but sometimes bigger sharks – 2-3ft sand sharks. I cast my line and, after awhile of not getting a bite, I decided to reel back in. With surf fishing, the rhythmic tugging and releasing of the line can hide bites and strip the bait off the hook. I reeled and reeled, and finally saw my lead on the beach, but it looked like there was something on it. When I got up to it, sure enough, there was a fish on the hook – not a very active one, but a decent sized fish that I did not recognize. I needed to know what kind of fish this was because, one, I am a scientist and need to know, and two, I had made a rather silly request to God about a week earlier. I had been praying about whether or not God exists and had jokingly said “if you exist, maybe I can catch a mackerel so that I can then say “Holy Mackerel!” – not actually knowing what a mackerel even looked like.
Well, I ran up to the house, grabbed an empty trash bucket, ran back down to the beach, grabbed some seawater, put the strange fish in there, then ran it back up to the house to ask around with the other “fish experts”. No one had seen this fish before – in the years and years of fishing there, night and day. Defeated, I returned the fish to the ocean and proceeded to catch nothing else that night. The next morning, eating a bowl of cereal, I had found a book on the ocean somewhere in the house and was flipping through to see if I could find my mystery fish. Then, I saw it, my exact fish – a King Mackerel. I dropped my spoon.
My last story is a little dark, and looking back, I realize it could have easily been a figment of my imagination/eyes playing tricks on me, but it scared me enough to definitely not discount it. I was in high school and going through one of the hardest times in my life so far. My parents were getting a divorce, but staying together until I graduated. My brother and sister had already moved out of the house at least 3 years prior. The news of my parents’ divorce was a shock and devastating. I suddenly felt like all of my childhood memories, no matter how precious they were to me, were lies, and if not lies, were too painful to revisit and therefore, slowly disappeared from who I was as a person. I was not a popular person in high school, I was a weirdo (still am) and most people steered clear of me. I was dating Tony at the time, but he was about an hour and a half away at a Christian college (Brewton Parker) and we were dealing with long distance, which I hate.
I don’t remember if there was any particular incident that triggered that night, but I was deeply depressed, hated myself. I wanted to die. I considered all the ways to die and thought if there was a handy gun in the house, that would have been the easiest. But, all my dad had was a shotgun that wasn’t loaded and I didn’t know if we even had any bullets. I was too scared of doing anything else for fear of the pain I would inflict on myself, so I came up with, what I thought, was a full proof plan. I prayed. Not the kind of prayer most would tell you about though. I prayed for God to kill me. I figured if there was a God and if He is all-powerful, he could certainly (if not easily) smash me like a bug. I was laying in my bed, crying my eyes out, praying over and over for God to kill me, listing all the reasons I deserved it- over and over.
I don’t know how long I was begging for God to take my life, but against the very dull light coming from through my open door, I saw them coming. Dark shadows, creatures slowing crawling from the far corners and the end of my bed. They did not have a lot of definition, but were simply black with long claws that pulled them closer and closer to me. My tears dried up immediately, I went silent. I thought I was seeing things and tried to open my eyes larger to adjust the light but the dark creatures just kept creeping toward me radiating pure, cold evil while they approached. The fear took over every ounce of sadness I felt and I knew that death was NOT what I wanted. I quickly prayed again, this time apologizing for my earlier request and begging for God to take these dark creatures back to where they came.
Immediately, the darkness receded and I had the most overwhelming sense of relief. I thanked God over and over and apologized again and again. It took me a little while to fall asleep after that, but I was happy and content when I did.
I know these stories sound crazy and even silly, but they stick in my mind as powerful times in my life. I STILL definitely have moments where I question His existence. It doesn’t seem to matter how convincing one or more scenarios are and I still feel guilty every time I know God has taken such effort to convince me and I still doubt, but I think that’s pretty natural and have come to accept that’s just how it’s going to be. Maybe one day, after I die, I will come back and tell someone what happens, unless it means not making it to heaven, in which case; Bye, good luck to you!
*Side note: all the art work on this post (except the mackerel) is my original work and all inspired somehow by spirituality.
I’m so thankful I found your blog! Thank you for taking the time to write these stories as they speak to me unlike anyone I have ever read before! I admit I sought you out after I learned you left Michigan, but WOW you seem to speak right at me!! Especially this one as it always seems I’m looking for signs and questioning God even though he proves to me day after day he is with me always. If you are ever in Missouri holler cause girl we can have some chats and exchange some stories! Thank you and God bless to you and your family!
I too, sought you out when it became known that you had left PVS Emily!
You have so many talents. The Almighty has blessed you greatly. Tony is such a lucky lucky dude!
I have spent A LOT of nights, throughout the years, crying myself to sleep and praying/begging for God to please let me not wake up the next morning! Though I am not a doc/vet and the circumstances that led up to it are different from yours Dr Emily……It is a very dark/heavy place to be! I covered a lot of those (and other memories/feelings) feelings up with drugs/alcohol. Which I quickly learned, only made things a THOUSAND TIMES WORSE! Im coming up on 13yrs sober in July 2020 but, still the “voices” (not actual voices) linger!
I believe very firmly that God exists. Believers/Non-believers alike question God at times. Any believer that tells you they never do and never have questioned The Almighty’s decisions or even his existence period………They are straight up lying through their teeth!
Emily/Tony, I can’t speak for anyone else but, I am quite thankful for your blog and for sharing your lives with us. Don’t ever think you 2 haven’t impacted someone by doing so!
WOW! Thank you for your openness. What you are going through was set before the birth of the Heavens and Earth. That is God. Your past and your present and your future is known to God . Please take everyday to thank him for what is coming. Know you are ready and God gave it to you. Live it Trust Him and LOVE him.
The Bible teaches us no matter how many miracles God shows his people they will still not totally believe in Him. It is human to wonder and question about our Lord. Thank you for sharing your deepest thoughts with us. You have many friends here, I am one of them. Love reading about you and your family and always enjoyed watching and seeing the love you have for animals. Keep sharing. God Bless
I really appreciate your honesty. I think that if more people would talk about their true feelings and their real issues there would be a much healthier world.
GREAT ending! LOL
Wow… I’m impressed with your spiritual awareness… I heard something on my own quest… There is no difference between true religion and true science…
Thank you for sharing… Sometimes, we feel like we are the only ones going through these things…
James 1:5 is helpful…
Peace on your journey…
Emily, your transparency is awesome. I love it! Now I’m old enough to be your much older sister (😉), and I’m also from Georgia (Cartersville), so I’m just gonna take that as a sign to be honest right back….God knows you. He is seeking you, as evidenced by your amazing stories, and that is Truth. Go read Psalm 139. I adore you and think you’re amazing. Keep up the good work! I love reading whatever you write.
I love your blog- watch you on Dr Pol with amazement at your competent compassionate caring for Gods creatures. It’s wonderful getting to know you here, Dr Emily-and Tony❤️⛵️🐱🌈
Sending Love from Carol and Dick and kitty Bosley on s/v Gusto
Lantana, Florida Marina
I love your openness, It can be over whelming with a job and family, let alone a TV star. You have made a lasting impression on our Northern Michigan area, and we will love and think about you always. Your care for animals will always be with you. Family and happiness first, (you have beautiful Babies) and job second. Trust in yourself, you are a beautiful person.
I love your honest, transparency! Keep them coming Emily, you are wonderful!!
I’m glad to know that both God and you exist. 😁🇨🇦
Wow! So incredible you have the courage to post that! I am not going to bore anyone with my testimony but I had a doubt filled period of my life. I came out the other side with strong faith. Since then I have wanted to start a podcast for folks my age (I am 63) to talk about not just spirituality but just facing the last trimester of life and how to be and stay positive. Your post for some reason has inspired me! Thank you! You just helped many others I am sure of it. ❤️
Beautiful
I knew I liked you from watching you on Dr. Pol. Now I know why! You’re honest. Funny. A thinker. Your blog posts are thought-provoking and unexpected. Keep sharing!
What beautiful paintings you do. I hope you have time now to still paint. Amazing ! What a great way to get your feelings out. I kept diaries since I was 11.
I believe in God but I have a problem with the church.
God is amazing. He is there for us at our most needed times. So glad he was able to save you that ngt when u we’re a teen. You were sent here by God to serve his furry and feathered creations. I know medicine is hard and seems so unappreciated at times (I’m in human medicine) but at the end of the day. When u we’re able to make that one family have peace and joy, it makes it so worth while. God bless you Dr emily and ur entire family
Great stories.
I must ask…are these your paintings????
If so, AMAZING!
Thank you for sharing. Those are amazing stories. My husband and I have a very spiritual belief in God and like you we try to live the way Jesus taught us…to love all. I’ve always felt the presence of God and/or angels in my life, at times. As far as someone coming back to tell you there is a God, I myself have had what appear to be hellos from my mom and dad. My mom seems to send a hello with certain flowers, butterflies or a beautiful fall colored leaf. My dad has always sent me hearts. With my mom, the first time I “felt” her with me was when my dad, husband and myself came out of the mortuary after she had passed. We were in there signing papers for her cremation. When we came out to the parking lot, I saw one daffodil growing out of the top of a solid border hedge that was close to 4 feet tall. There’s no way that the daffodil could have come from the ground. I was numb from losing her and then seeing such an amazing thing made me think it was her telling me it’s going to be ok. I wish I’d taken a photo of it, but it will be in my memory forever. Then after we lost dad, the next day I was cleaning the litter box and the potty clump was a perfect heart! I immediately teared up and thought my dad was reaching out to me. I did get my camera for that and almost every other heart I’ve found, whether it is a rock, cloud or a shape on a tree. I can’t imagine life without talking or praying to God, helping me through my life.
Emily, everybody doubts the existence of God at some point in their lives. You aren’t crazy. I do believe wholeheartedly now after living a long life of things that can’t be explained in human terms. Good things. Hang in there, hug your three miracles and be grateful for Tony…he’s a keeper! God works in mysterious ways whether you believe in Him or not. 😊
Emily, my heart breaks to hear of your various emotional challenges and despairs. Hopefully your blogging will help you realize, through kind commenters that you are not alone in your doubts or even your loneliness. And perhaps you will be able to connect in a meaningful way with a new friend of like-mind. You are certainly NOT a weirdo ! I think you are perfectly delightful and a regular hoot. Raised in a Southern Baptist home, and being from the NC coast and loving to fish and crab, I especially enjoyed your Pawley’s Island story!! I hope your blog and our comments help you find the relaxation, humor, and personal connection with others you seek. 🥰. I think you’re a gem!!!
If Mother Theresa could overcome her doubts on the path to Sainthood, then you can overcome your doubts on the path to devoted wife, loving mother and outstanding DVM.
Peace, Emily🙏🤠Buzz
Riddle me this Batman…. It amazes (and sadness) me, that the world is still pontificating about whether God created a world that was “one way” or “the other.” God’s creations are complex and vastly, deeply rich. (Yes, I’ve thought a lot about “God” too, and it’s the beauty in the world that centers me back to God. Cruelty is hard to explain to children, but the sheer fact that we all came from something, so we share ‘something’ makes us comrades in the realm of people.) Perhaps more so than we can comprehend. Just look at the sexes from a biological standpoint: male and female. Easy, right? Not so fast. Sometimes, babies are born with chromosomes and genitalia of both sexes. Who are we to say God was wrong? Ponder your answer for a moment. How does it correlate with your societal beliefs? (Honest question, who are they to chose? And who are we to dictate if their choice was right or wrong? Just a question to reflect upon) God creates babies, and all babies are perfect, right? Perhaps we should strive to love all babies/humans the same.
I grew up in a small town too…Catholic…I felt the same way about church after listening to the “church folk” gossip & judge just about every little thing under the sun…I stopped going & felt ok about it after hearing my dad tell my mom (who was trying to force us kids to go) that we don’t need to be in church for god to hear us…we can pray anywhere…he’s always listening & he’s always there🖤
Pretty much everyone I know has had questions at one time or other about whether God is real and really exists. When Jesus left this earth he left his Holy Spirit on the earth. When we pray in earnest and ask God to make Himself real to us He does something on the inside of us through the Holy Spirit that causes us to know without a doubt that he’s real. He floods us with his peace. It hurt my heart to hear of your emotional struggles and the pain of loneliness because the stories were extremely close to certain times in my own experience. Over the years Jesus has made himself very real to me because I asked him to.
In December 2008 I died from cancer and went straight to Heaven and was immediately greeted by Jesus. We talked as he showed me the gold streets, almost neon green grass, the most beautiful flowers you can imagine, the river of life, incredibly beautiful buildings, and God’s throne in the City of God. I didn’t get to see any of my family or I for sure would not have wanted to come back. But Jesus told me that I needed to come back because there were still people I needed to touch with his love.
So yes, my darling girl, God is real and wants you to be part of His family so much that He sent you an invitation to Heaven when he said in Romans 10:13 and Acts 2:21, Whoever calls on the Name of the Lord shall be saved (from Hell). I love you and your blog and pray for you and your family all the time. 🥰
Thanks for sharing Penny about being on the ‘other side’
I do believe many have had experiences that prove the validity of heaven and hell as described in the Bible.
I myself have seen evil spirits and know that they aren’t around when Jesus is praised.
Dr. Emily, I encourage you to try reading some of the Bible.
It has saved my life.
So touching is your story!! Dr Emily you’re a blessing to others, your family and to the animals (Gods creatures) you nurture and heal. Your honesty, humor, caring and loving personality comes through like a beautiful sunrise. My husband and I really enjoyed you on Dr Pol and now admire you for your wonderful honesty in your personal struggle. We all have doubts as we struggle through life. And as you get much older (75 here) you’ll look back and realize the part God played in things that happened or didn’t happen to you. All to bring you closer to him! May he continue to bless you and your family with the joys life can bring. And remember to praise him even in the dark times…he is there with you. Sharon
First, let me say, I LOVE your honesty because a lot of people won’t talk about how they feel on religion because of judgement and I wish more were like you!! I feel exactly the same way, besides 2 difference’s, 1. Being I was raised strict Catholic and 2. I started questioning all of this, later as an Adult. But my story is very similar to yours. Have I gotten some pretty big proof, yes, unless it’s just coincidence, but at other times, absolutely nothing. I still pray every night, hoping there is a God who is listening and there is something after we die, but yes, I to do wonder like you, and then sometimes my Catholic upbringing gets the better of me and I feel guilty for questioning. But I also agree with you, that this is normal. But just for me, I have raised my sons to try to believe, but not in a church(I don’t believe you have to go to church to worship or believe in God) but I do let them decide on their own(they are adults, the youngest almost 18) mostly though, just by what is write and wrong and showing kindness to one another, but yes, they do know certain things about what’s in the Bible also. But again, I let them choose, which religion or how they perceive it. I loved this story, it really hit home with me!! Thank you so much for sharing!
Thank you as always for being so honest! The Pol Veterinary show is only watchable for me because of you oh, so I doubt I’ll continue with that once you’re no longer on the episodes. But thanks for always showing compassion to the animals, no matter the deep fatigue and difficulties you were going through….
Also, who did the artwork with this blog post? It’s really really great!
I did the artwork, thank you!!
God is listening, He knows our every thought and words before we even speak them.
He does answer our prayers, Not always how we want them or when we want them but in His timing not ours.
Cast your worries on Him, lay your burdens at the cross, give them to him.
Praise Him in the storms And pray without ceasing.
It doesn’t have to be on your knees with long eloquent prayers, talking to Him during your day is prayers and He loves to hear us !
I loved your honest post. I don’t think any of those things were a figment of your imagination. I too, as a child more so, had similar types of instances where God showed me he was real and he was there. Whenever I feel a doubt creeping in, I cling to those memories. It keeps me grounded. I’m very glad to have found your blog. I always felt you were a very interesting, unique person.
Interesting post, but more about Dr. Sharkey and your brother. I can no longer get National Geographic Wild, but I so much miss watching you on Dr. Pol show.
Amazing. God bless you. We all question. God’s big enough. I just read an amazing story. Proof of Heaven, by Eban Alexander, of his 7 days in a coma. A neurosurgeon, he understood very well – scientifically – what his brain could or couldn’t do (or should/shouldn’t based on scientific knowledge to date). Fascinating. BTW – the paintings/illustrations on this post – what is their origin? How cool about Dr. Sharkey and your brother!! She wasn’t at Pol vet very long. Where are they now? Thank you again for sharing your life/family stories with us. We Pol viewers who came to love you could bear not having you still in our lives.
Ha ha – replying to my reply.!
What I meant (of course!) – we Pol viewers who came to love you could NOT bear NOT having you in our lives any more
I should just say – what a gift and joy STILL having you and your family in our lives and seeing more of your heart and mind.
Wow Dr Emily the last experience you wrote I swear you were writing about me. I am glad I am not the only person this happened too. I will say your doctor as a grown man could of showed more compassion then what he did. He should know better
Dear Dear Emily, what a wonderful post this time!! I don’t think I know too many people who have not at one time or another questioned the existence of God. If you are in to reading (I don’t know if you have time) a wonderful book you might like is WAKING UP IN HEAVEN BY Crystal McVea. A true story of brokenness, Heaven and Life Again. It is not a preachy book, I just found it gave me a lot to really sink my teeth into and digest. It was so good that I read it one day. As a follower of yours I am so proud of you for the struggles you have overcome. You have such a wonderful family, adorable children and a fantastic supporting husband. Keep up the good work at your job. I hope in your new place you can find some good friends and support. Thank you again for sharing a very profound part of your life with all your followers. We love you!!!
Hi Emily. I loved loved loved this . Sharing your thoughts and experiences was not only brave and insightful but I am SURE will be a source of help to someone who may be struggling with the same issues. Also wanted to tell you my husbands family went to Pawleys Island every summer for most of his life. After we were married we continued to go and it was the first place I saw the ocean. Shrimping at low tide however was. It fun LOL. Thanks again for these stories.
The God struggle is real. I grew up in an environment where God was not an image of benevolent love. Church and Sunday School were the constants on Sunday. Jesus was the good guy and since they are supposed to be one in the same it was like they were playing good cop, bad cop. A few years ago I chucked organized religion , and here am I at 80, living by the rule , Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. I choose to see “God” in the people around me, and those I meet every day. Hugs
Dr Emily what did you mean when you said your brother swooped up Dr Sharkey? Are they dating? Engaged? Married?
Anyway back to the gist of your stories. I too hit the wall of despair when we were living in my most fav place of my life, Tucson, AZ. I swallowed about 15 trazidone and about 10 gabapentin which was all I had in my medicine bottles. Everything was crashing down on us out there and I thought if I wasn’t around then maybe my husband could come back to OH where I thought he’d rather be. Needless to say I woke the next morning and I didn’t know if I should be happy or sad. That day we made the decision to move back home and when we got here I saw why God had stayed with me that night, my 3 wonderful children still needed me while they were going through their dark periods. I’m just thankful that I woke up, moved home and could be there for them.
I’m a firm believer that there is a God and I talk to him everyday, and I believe that I don’t have to go to any special place in order to do that. He listens from everywhere!
First, your artwork is absolutely beautiful! Next, thank you so much for sharing how God has answered some of your prayers! I am glad the darkness was unveiled for a moment and you were able to see that evil actually exists and that God is your protector. I also had a relationship that was ripped away from me, because He had a better plan for me. As painful as it was, and as much as I miss it, I know it’s for the best. Remember, God always answers prayers. Sometimes He says yes, sometimes no, and sometimes He says wait. May He richly bless you and your family!!
Dr. Emily,
Your artwork is amazing!
Last part of your post proves God does exist and evil exists. While you were praying for death the devil/death/evil was lurking, waiting for you to totally give up. God was also there waiting for you to see that you are His creation and are worthy of living. I am so glad you chose life over death. Depression is a monster and we all live with it to varying degrees, some not so bad but others really bad.
I too have grown up in the south knowing all the same types of experiences you have had with organized religion. I am a Christian. I believe in God but although I do belong to a denomination that is not what religion is about. I too rebel against all the “laws”. Jesus is love and that is what we should be about. Telling people about that love and how to have that love for eternity. Too may legalistic things make it hard to be a Christian. I will pray that you and your family continue to flourish where you are. Love you!
Thanks for sharing. Yes I believe! I was very ill once. In ICU for 9 days. Doctors gave me a drug for a chronic medical condition. The ran tests to make sure it would not affect me in a bad way. Well I suffered total renal failure, fluid was in my lungs, legs, etc.. and I became unconscious. Anyway while out, I visited with my past pets, my horse and dogs. We talked, walked and stuff. Then came across a deep gorge over which there was a bridge. On the other side I saw my dead gram, mom and others. I ran to cross the bridge, but could not. My gram came to me and said I could not come over because it was not my time and that I had more things to do. She said God was sending an angel to take me back. I looked into the angels eyes and then the next thing I know I was awake with a cute blond nurse looking over me saying hello. At the foot of my bed was my dad, my wife, sister and a dear close friend of mine. Was it a dream. I want to believe it was more.
Wow – Very brave post! Love your artwork too. Extremely Thought provoking. I too wonder about God’s existence. I enjoyed your segments while on Dr. Pol, loved your sense of humour. But now, I admire the person who you are showing us you are! Thank you for letting us get to know the real Dr. Emily. Can’t help but have you in my thoughts. Sending love and strength from Montreal, Quebec.
Holy mackerel !! Love the stories and art work ! So very glad my friend told me about your site. I will definitely be passing this on to all my friends.
Bless you and thank you for sharing your inner thoughts.
Oh, Dear Emily, I appreciate your transparency and your honesty. Not everyone is able to be so truthful and open about their lives and beliefs and struggles.
I would so like to challenge you to seek God with all your heart, mind and soul. We are told to do this (Deut: 4:29) and God will reveal himself to us. Then in the NT we are told to Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind and soul (paraphrase) in Matt: 22:37 and Mark 12:30. How do we do this? By prayer and by reading God’s Word (Bible). God would be a cruel and evil God if he did not reveal himself and what he wants for us, but let us flounder on our own. Instead, he tells us exactly who he is and what he expects from us throughout the entire Bible.
God is a personal God and he wants fellowship and relationship with each of us. He will reveal himself as we search for him. Just like the ‘coincidences’ you had- they were all God-breathed. The incident that was scary where you saw evil beings with claws- God revealed demons to you and what you would face if you went along with your plan of death. He did this for you as he has a Plan for you and your life. God took you out of the darkness and he is showing you his Light- Jesus.
Keep being real!
Dr. Emily,
Thank you and Tony for sharing your stories and experiences with us.
I too was raised in a very religious home. At 53 I still have the same questions about God. I will share with you something that makes me try and live buy the golden rule. My grandfather was the town drunk and ran around on my grandmother for years in a very small town in Kentucky. My grandmother prayed every day for guidance with her family. One day out of the blue my grandfather came to know God. He ran an auto repair shop for many years but at 4:30 the shop closed and he got ready and went to any church that was having service that night. He, his daughters and musician friends sang in what ever church they were in that night. I thought it was stupid to have to to church every night but it was his god given gift to minister though song. When I was a young teen complaining about my life. My grandfather said to me “life is just what you make of it. If you want to make it miserable you can do it all by yourself or if you want to make it fun you can also do that all by yourself. ” He said pray for guidance and listen to and follow your heart. God will lead you in life if you let him. I don’t know if I believe in all that and I am far from a religious person but I was never more humbled or proud as I was when my grandfather passed away. He was killed in a car accident in a town of less than 2000 people. His viewing and funeral was held at the largest church in the town. Because of his attending so may church’s and singing in all of them , he had over 4000 people take time out of there lives to pay there respects to him. It was as so honored and proud that he touched that many people.
Look at your life and all the people that read your blog and all the lives you touched with your time on tv due the Dr Pol show. I am truly sorry you were so miserable and prayed for your life to end. God or a guiding spirit has a plan for your life. Pray for guidance and listen to your heart and not just your head, you will find peace and joy in all that you do.
Weird is wonderful, so welcome to the “group”. Your artwork is phenomenal as well! There are a lot of us who struggle with God, whether He’s real or not. I believe He is, but that is something we each wrestle with. Your tale of the evil resonated with me because I had just the opposite experience. I was going through a divorce, and one day was particularly bad. I was in bed, curled up, crying and praying for God to hold me. And He did. The deep peace was incredible. You are blessed because you are open to whatever message comes, and you are strong enough to act on it. Very few people can be that open, and it’s the best thing in the world.
I love your blog so much , I hope you’re saving these for a book . I don’t read much but yours I do ! Your painting so are amazing ❤️
You are a very Special Lady. Missed but I understand completely about being a parent and not having the family time you want and need. At least we have reruns of you.
God Bless you Emily. The Lord does exist and may not answer you when you think he should but he will. I have had the same questions and doubts about Him, I Thank The Lord for His forgiveness and my salvation.
If you decide to move again TN is a good place to live. 🙂
I am behind on reading your Blog and apologize but I am a caregiver to my Mother and we have horses so I am busy most days… Love being able to keep up with you and your family. 🙂
Just want you to know I have seen those dark figures years ago when seeking God. Saying Jesus our loud was the only thing that made them leave me. Scary! I had so much hurt in my past and needed freedom. God has brought that to me and my husband. We now have a prayer counseling ministry that meets folks where they are in their beliefs. Relief is real
That was a great story! I believe God is real and so is satan. I’m thankful that you knew enough to pray away the darkness.
Read Romans! Then if you have any thing to say email or call.
All believers have periods of doubt. Ree and I enjoy every episode that includes your lovely face and/or family. Having lived in Northern Va for almost 35 years we can picture your new home. We took breaks from the hectic pace of N. Va by driving over to the Valley. Retired to S.C. as our sons graduated from Clemson and firmly decided we would follow. Love it and all of your family. The greatest disappointments and hurts in our lives come from people. Dogs mirror God’s love. He will always listen and never leave you alone nor judge. Enjoy this blog and/or conversation!
I was really into your story about God and could relate as I questioned the same thing when I was a child. Actually I think that is pretty normal when we don’t know him or we are brought up without him. Are you and your children Baptized if I may ask? That is so important and I was as an infant and knowing what I do now Iam so blessed and Thankful my Parents did Baptize me. I won’t push religion on anyone but there is a God and Jesus did die for you and I truly hope you find your way through your soul searching because I would hate to see anyone’s fall prey to the dark side and when you are vulnerable the Devil is a wolf in sheep’s clothing. I wish the best for you and your family. God Bless.
Great post Emily!! I do believe in a universal force but will not put the name god on it. I have had similiar experiences in my life of deep wonder and spirituality. And epiphany moments. I appreciate your critical thinking skills and your fearlessness.. A fan for life..
Don’t know if I’ll be able to watch Saturday night’s episode of IDP because it’s your farewell appearance on the show. I’ll probably be crying so hard I can’t see the screen. Be aware you have so,so many friends you’ve just never met, yet. Finally, the more you believe in GOD, the more satan gives you doubts. Be grateful for the doubt, it causes you to search more for and believe in GOD. Love to all the Thomas’ from dairy country in East Tennessee.
I see Dr. Pol promo states you took new job in Va will be on NatGeo 2/22/20, most of us already know this. We all go thru struggles and it appears each blog you write I see a stronger person come out on top. You struggled to decide to move to Va I believe and it shows it was an excellent decision for you, Tony and children. Much continued success to you and the family.
Your honesty is so refreshing! Loved reading about your experiences. I’m guessing we ALL have our moments of proof and of doubt. Thanks for sharing some of yours. Always thought provoking!
Hi Dr.Emily.
Just prayed for you.
God gave us free will to have faith or not. We all have to decide if we believe that Jesus is who he says He is. Jesus said that no one comes to the father except through Him. We need only to look around us for proof to know that God created all .
Even though we are saved by grace through faith we are still human and sinful. Humans will always let us down . Please don’t let negative experiences with people interfere with seeking God’s perfect love.
Thank you for your honesty and introspection.
Mark 9:13-24 NIV
[13] … Jesus Heals a Boy Possessed by an Impure Spirit 9:14-28; 30-32pp—Mt 17:14-19; 22,23; Lk 9:37-45 [14] When they came to the other disciples, they saw a large crowd around them and the teachers of the law arguing with them. [15] As soon as all the people saw Jesus, they were overwhelmed with wonder and ran to greet him. [16] “What are you arguing with them about?” he asked. [17] A man in the crowd answered, “Teacher, I brought you my son, who is possessed by a spirit that has robbed him of speech. [18] Whenever it seizes him, it throws him to the ground. He foams at the mouth, gnashes his teeth and becomes rigid. I asked your disciples to drive out the spirit, but they could not.” [19] “You unbelieving generation,” Jesus replied, “how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy to me.” [20] So they brought him. When the spirit saw Jesus, it immediately threw the boy into a convulsion. He fell to the ground and rolled around, foaming at the mouth. [21] Jesus asked the boy’s father, “How long has he been like this?” “From childhood,” he answered. [22] “It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.” [23] “ ‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.” [24] Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” …
We all have doubts at times. But, learn to be quiet and just be in the moment. The warmth inside of you is in fact G-d .
We all have doubt sometimes. Learn to just be quiet and be in the moment. Feel the warmth inside of you. That is G-d💜.
I just want to say again how much I enjoy reading your posts. I have the same sort of ambivalence about religion. I was raised Catholic at a time when the priests kept their backs to the congregation and spoke in Latin. Not for me. There were beams in the church across the ceiling that were a chocolate brown colour, and I would spend the whole time at church pretending that I was on the ceiling eating chocolate. I still haven’t found an organized church that I feel right about joining, feeling that I have to agree with all the tenets of that church or I’m not a real Christian. I keep praying in my own particular way, and hope that at least I might be sending out some positive energy, even if God is used to more formalized prayers. From one self-professed weirdo to another, please keep up what you’re doing. You brighten my days immensely.
Dr. Emily,
I just watched the first time you were on tv with Dr. Pol. You seemed so excited to be there. I keep remembering some of the other episodes you were in where I watched the excitment and thrill leave your face. This Saturday night I will watch your goodbye episode. I will be sad that this is the last time we will see you but I hope and pray that where you are now has allowed you to find the joy and excitement in being an amazing veteran again. I love the blogs you and Tony post. You are both good writers and I like the photos and omg….you are a wonderful artist. God bless you, Tony and your family.
Dear Emily, wow, look at all the folks being inspired by your sharing! I will miss seeing you on the show, you were my favorite vet and I was so happy to see a woman out there wrangling cows and saving puppies! But, I am happy you listened to your heart and made a decision for you and your family’s happiness. I think I may have similar church difficulties in that I was raised a Catholic (dramatic music here) yet have survived. Religions and those who guard their own as the only right way just suck the life and love out of the message of Jesus…love one another, everyone has a place at the table. How on earth did they miss that message when it is so clear? So, I cheer you on in your spiritual journey, I am 63 and have been on the road to find out (big Cat Stevens fan from the 70s) since I first realized God was real when I was a junior in HS, yes, after 11 yrs of catholic Ed and all that church stuff I still did not know that God loved me just the way I am! Right now I am reading Richard Rohr’s Universal Christ. He is my fav spiritual writer . God is so much more than we can ever imagine. So, be sure to find quiet time, I am sure your painting is a time of reflection, and just allow the love of God for you enfold you! On another note, I had a spiritual director once who told me when I had an experience of an evil presence in my room one night it was the devil (or whatever you call the evil forces) trying very hard to get me away from my new found love of God. That day I had made my first commitment to him (sorry, him/her, God is more than that) So, in a way, it was a turning point for me and I knew that evil could never harm me again because I had the Lord! Peace and many blessings! Terri
This is one of my very favorites so far. I love how honest you are. I belong to the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and I firmly believe with enough faith that it leads to knowledge- that God is proving Himself to you, and that the biggest reason we don’t get all the answers happens to be for the same reasons that we don’t always bail our children out. Growing and gaining knowledge and experience that have the best results often is like going into a refining fire. How would we learn to believe, have hope, and have faith if we were just shown all the mysteries of God!?
Thank you for sharing.
Is there a way I can copy and paste on here? I have essential tremors in my hands and typing is a challenge. Thanks
I was raised Baptist where I learned harsh judgement and self-loathing. The two people I could count on in my life, My father and Aunt, died before I was 18. I was left with my mom who had joined an extreme evangelical church by then. My mom was extremely damaged by her abusive father and I was raped repeatedly as a child by my uncle. I was a hippie freak in H.S. and my only social group was my sports team. Much to my mothers chagrin I was an exceptional athlete, but I couldn’t even really celebrate success because in my Mom’s eyes I wasn’t acting like a lady, compounded by the fact I was closeted so deep no light fell upon it. I left for the military after H.S. and my brother left the state and only came back for mom’s funeral. Being raised to feel like everything I thought and did was one step closer to burning in hell I was depressed and suicidal a lot. After being raped in the military I was diagnosed with PTSD and soon after that Bi-Polar. I got married 3 times and considered conversion therapy just so I wouldn’t burn for eternity. Now I am 61 and even though I have the beginnings of dementia I have finally come to accept myself.
I finally found what is to me the real God, and I slammed the cover shut and threw away my bible. Despite my up bringing I had a fairly egalitarian outlook. Nature definitely won over nurture. Guess being adopted was a plus. These are my personal beliefs. When I look back at my life and all the times I should have been dead there was always something that brought me back from the edge. One time I was going to kill myself but the trip to where I was going to end was nothing but a semi-comedy of errors and road blocks that by the time I got there I just wanted to sleep. Next day I got up and drove home and the impulses were gone. There was always something small, or large that always seemed to put me on a better path. I believe that there is only one God and he shows himself to all people in a way that they can know him within their culture and beliefs. I also believe that listening to the words of men about God, written and spoken, brings on judgement, and hate. Where I found God was simply watching for his works within my life. And being able to listen with your soul when he talks through someone. I didn’t attribute it at the time to divine intervention but 16 years ago I got a call from a dispatcher friend of mine asking if I wanted to be a volunteer FF. I was 45 and didn’t think I could do it but I signed up. Ended up being a Chief and EMT. I live in an impoverished county and saw so much of the human condition I wanted to walk away often. I also felt like it was a calling so I stayed for 16 years before health put a final end to it. Somehow during all the suffering and carnage I saw it actually made me a better more sympathetic person. It took away the doubt and now I don’t listen to speakers of God instead I hear and see more of the creator. I still often try and make my own way but my belief in a benevolent creator is no longer hard to find. Apologize for the lengthy rambling but your openness and honesty prodded mine. The first time I saw you on Dr Pol you were pulling in the parking lot and you had a coexist bumper sticker. I knew then you were an honorable person. Be well
I always go into a depression when a major character of a show leaves. I became used to watching you, your caring of animals, and some of your family life. I wish you well in your new locale and new job, but am glad you’ll stop by here and keep us posted from time to time.
Emily, your writings enrich my life. Thank you.
I will pray for you. You already know prayer works. God loves you very much.Start with Jesus.Read your Bible and do the things mentioned in Acts.Jesus made it possible our sins could be forgiven,deleted the kids say nowadays.So ask Jesus to live with you and He will make sure you can live with Him ,get baptised,because He said we have to be baptised.It is a great sign in that creepy spiritual world. A church? Well you’d better ask Jesus,because He will know the right place. There are very good churches,places where God is happy about,there churches God will lead his people out.But church is not so important,getting to know Jesus better is much more important.
I recall from years back,I was very depressed,anxious and I also was confused there was so much going on and it seemed I was constantly doing everything wrong.So the children had gone to school,my husband had gone to his job and I was alone.I sat down and I said:Jesus I wish we just could have a cup o ‘coffe together. He was there.No I could not see him,but He was there. I drank my coffe and cried and then HIS peace came into my heart.And I knew it will be allright.
It did it took some time.I have had to learn many things.But Jesus is patiently changing me from the inside out.And over 40 years HE is still at it. I am no longer worrying.He has the Blueprint of me,How HE intends me to be, and He will finish his work. So the same goes for you.He realy will not forsake you. God bless you and Tony and the children.