Do you ever wonder “What’s the point?” “Why do I even try?” or think “No good deed goes unpunished”. Well, a big FAT “Ditto!” from me. I appreciate everyone’s patience through my journey and struggle with faith and seeking meaning and understanding. I know everyone seeks a meaning to life, but I, like, NEED it to all make sense. Like a well rounded novel. All the pieces need to fit together perfectly and then there will be an Ah HA! moment. This has not happened yet for me, but I’m slowly combing through theories and ideas to make my little simple brain happy and content (with a warm fuzzy blanket and mug of something warm… and maybe even a kitten).
Well, my latest struggle has been the crushingly daunting task of trying to make the world better. I’m just one person on a planet of 7.753 billion people stretched farther than I’ve ever travelled or even imagined. How am I supposed to convince the world that love and peace is the best option (and, if you’re a Christian, the way Jesus taught) when so many are angry, vengeful, just a hair’s trigger from mentally crushing someone, physically hurting them, or even killing them because you felt a hint of fear from their difference?
Through this thought process, long hours of running, hiking, thinking, I think I’ve convinced myself of this: I may not convince anyone…. that I know of. If I say “I don’t believe in guns” because I’m a pacifist and follower of Jesus and cannot imagine EVER killing someone, I’m gonna piss a LOT of people off. So many THINK they would be fine with killing a person just because they trespassed or even broke into their home, but I don’t think so. I think they would live with the debilitating guilt of judging that person and taking that life without a really good reason. (Break into my house to steal stuff? I will help you pack your car up before I would ever consider harming you – I mean, a call to the police and insurance will be my next step, but not challenging you). So, now I’ve really pissed some of you off. That’s fine. You will load up the comment section about how stupid and naïve I am and how frivolous I am with my kids’ lives. But SOME one, even if they spew hatred toward me for this opinion, just might have a seed planted in their brain and years down the road, may start to edge toward a more peaceful path. Maybe they’ll just shoot the drunk that accidentally wandered into their house in the foot, instead of taking his life (or the drunk son that didn’t announce he was coming home in the middle of he night as happened to my uncle).
So, how do you convince yourself to keep trying? Let’s say you are just doing your best to be patient and show grace to the people who annoy you the most. Whether it’s the people who annoy you or someone bearing witness do your actions, you may just be tapping the first domino that starts a new way of life for that person. Now, you may never see those changes. You may even consider that encounter a failure because nothing ever changed in front of you, but you may never know what affect you had on that person or the people in their lives.
I just have to keep trying and continue to hope beyond hope that if I treat people the way I want to be treated and demonstrate grace, forgiveness, gentle corrections, but also admit to my own weaknesses and relate to people, always being as open as possible, others will take note and try to also be the best they can be, while acknowledging and accepting their own faults. (I think it’s very important to share personal difficulties and weaknesses – it’s super healthy for personal and community mental health).
Now the other side of the coin that I struggle with on this subject is WHY are there people out there who are opposite of me? Why are there people who’s first reaction is to be mad or angry or want to incite revenge? I’ve mentioned the Monet painting in a previous post (we’re all dots of color in the world/universe and some are bright yellow, while others are muddy dark green – but we all work together to make a beautiful picture). I have since come up with another analogy. Some of us are extensor muscles while others are flexors. The joint won’t work if we are all extensors. To balance the world, we need both. But, see, this is when I go back to “why even try?”. And I spiral.
I dunno. Be the best you can be in hopes that your color will leach onto others, even if you never see it. You never know how they will treat a stranger down the road because they knew you and reconsidered a way of thinking, even if miniscule. Remember that “Hurt people hurt people”. So, the next time you wonder why someone is so cruel, try to imagine they were scarred sometime in the past and give them some grace. Also remember that misery loves company and try try try not to get sucked down the spiral that is their misery.
