***Disclaimer: photos were added 100% willy nilly and have nothing to do with the post other than to add pictures***
I was recently at our Church small group meeting and the topic was, I don’t know, something like living by example and “witnessing” in the mundane – being an example in everyday life. Anyway, we got onto the age-old discussion of whether it’s better to surround yourself with non-believers or believers. I’ll go over the discussed points with both and then talk about the benefits of including both.
Argument 1: Stay away from the “bad” crowd: The theory behind this one is obvious, but a very good point. If you want to grow better as a person, it is better to have people around you who are like you or even what you perceive as better than you.
- Social situations: If you hang out with negative people who like to cause drama, you will begin to, also, look for drama to start to fit in. In the same, but opposing manner, if you were to hang out with people who really enjoy raising people up and helping and being supportive, you are more likely to integrate THAT into your own life.
- Habits: If you hang out with alcohol or drug abusers, you are much more likely to partake yourself and possibly fall into a metaphorical hole. On the other hand, if you hang out with people training for marathons or are crazy into health and fitness, you are more likely to curb your life to include those or similar activities.
- Spiritually: If you only hang out with people who strongly believe there is not a God or only harshly criticize those who do, you will start to feel as though you cannot believe in God for fear of being looked down upon. If, on the other hand, you hang out with people who seem more in touch with God or have more knowledge of religious texts, you are more likely to grow there as well.
Argument 2: Surround yourself with “non-believers” to better influence them to become better people is the other side of the argument, because how can you make the world a better place if you only talk badly about the “bad” people and surround yourself with like-minded people?
- Social situations: If you hang out with people who are inherently negative and only see the worst in people or a situation, but you are able to enlighten them on another perspective, you may be able to slowly transition them to seeing things in a better light. Example: Car goes screaming past you driving, Negative Nancy says: “what a jerk, I hope he gets caught by the police.” You say “well, maybe his wife is in labor and he’s trying to get to the hospital”. Ms. Nancy, then, of course makes fun of you, you both laugh and move on. Try this in work situations when everyone is gossiping about another co-worker – try suggesting something no one may have thought of that could be the root of the problem so that the one person doesn’t have ALL the blame on them (unless, of course, they deserve it =)
- Habits: This one is harder. I would love to say that just not being an alcoholic with a few inspirational words would be a positive influence on an alcoholic or drug abuser, but once they’ve reached that point, they need professional assistance – this does not mean you should leave them in the “gutter”. Ideally, you can inspire someone BEFORE they become a full fledged substance abuser. Hang out with them, drink with them, but cut out at a responsible level. If you keep drinking, socially, others will feel the need to keep up.
- Spiritually: The basic idea with this theory is that if you surround yourself with non-believers, you could positively influence them and perhaps help them become a believer. You would be the metaphorical light house for ships on the sea. If you make friends and find out they are not believers, or even hate people who are, don’t write them off. Let them know that you are a believer and leave it at that for awhile. If you can let them know how you feel without pushing the issue, they will ideally begin to see that not all believers are crazy and may eventually become more curious, but if not, you can still be that positive influence on their opinion of people. Coming from a person who knew of Jesus growing up, but didn’t attend church and had every kid in the school in middle Georgia aimed at saving my soul, I can tell you the worst thing you can do when you find someone like me (as I was) is start the old and rehearsed rhetoric the churches shove down your throat to “witness” to others. Be a cool person, but be a cool person who has made it known that you are a believer.
So, really, both arguments make sense. But they also have their inherent flaws. If you only surround yourself with like-minded people, you cannot grow as a person, and unless you are convinced that you are perfect in every way, there is always some growth to be doing. Even if your are hanging out with people whom you deem “needing your help”, you’d be surprised by what they can teach you. Learning perspective can sometimes be the best growth you can do. People who have claimed “I would never make that life decision” get to know people who didn’t have a choice, or did it with the ultimate courage and make you revisit your perception of people who have made different choices than you have.
If you surround yourself with only people you feel needs your help, you are trying to set sail across the Pacific in a dingy. There’s also the very real fear that you will, in fact, fall to their ways and NOT grow as a person. An alcohol abuser friends with another alcohol abuser = no growth. An alcohol abuser friends with a clean person intentionally trying to change the abuser = not friends very long (OR shining success! – but not likely). Sometimes, people who need help just need someone to lean on while they try to get up.
In reality, at least in the way I feel, you should do a little of both. Hence the “moderation” in the title. You should absolutely find people whom you deem equal or superior to yourself in whatever aspect you need to grow. Whether it’s social, behavioral, spiritual, or even professionally. You should also have friends that do not fit into that cute little package – ones that are fun to be with, but test your limits and in your friendship, you even each other out.
With all being fair, and in the reality of life, you obviously will not be able to just go and select friends that match this picture. So, make friends, love them, learn from them, teach them and if you feel out of balance, join a group that would help you get a little more balanced. I, for one, am not a hugely religious person. I attend church and believe in God most days, but find my best company in the similarly damaged/awkward crowd, so I joined a small group in the church that I attend. This tends to keep me looking in the right direction and thinking about ways to refocus and become a better person while hearing the struggles of others feeling the same way as me.
