“Have kids”, they said…

Having children has been a myriad of happiness, frustration, worry, more frustration, and total embarrassment. Sometimes, through all the stress and anxiety of raising young children, you just have to laugh, even if you are also glowing red with embarrassment. One thing I think is important to know about how we have raised our kids for these stories is to know that we do not have any soda (aka Coke for the Georgia folks or pop for the Michiganders) or juices in the house, therefore any cans, bottles, otherwise packaged beverages are either alcohol or milk (the kids mostly drink water).

The Hail Mary

One of the benefits of having multiple children is that at a certain age, you can start to delegate some of your tasks to the older siblings. Sometimes that works and sometimes your son up roots your favorite flowers when you get him to help with weeding the garden. On this particular incident, we were living in Michigan and shopping late at *the best store in the world* “Meijer”. I was by myself with all three kids – ages 6, 4, and 1.5. First, not one person stopped me to tell me how wonderful of a person I was for taking care of my kids like Tony always got when he went to the store with them. Second, I was tired, all three kids were wearing on me. I tried to keep the 4 (Oscar) and 1.5 yo (Calvin) in the buggy with me, but it was getting too full, so I had Oscar feel important by letting him push the cart and tried to convince Calvin that holding onto the side was super fun.

We were almost done shopping when Oscar decided to let go of the cart and start ripping things off the shelves and throwing them in the cart. I went to stop him and Calvin saw his chance. At 18 months, Calvin was already starting to show his true devious self. He took off down the aisle and started across the store. I had no chance to chase him down and keep the peace with Oscar. I felt completely exposed, helpless, frustrated, panicked.. all the emotions. So I delegated. I looked at India and just said “India, go get him”. Like a loyal border collie, she took off across the store, dodging other shoppers, pushing a few over, and when she caught up to Calvin, she took him down. My 6 yo little girl in a sequined tulle skirt body slammed my toddler to the ground right next to an Amish woman and then sat on him until I could get there. The woman just smiled and laughed to herself. India then took Calvin by his arm and dragged him kicking and screaming to the front of the store while we checked out. I just had to laugh and ignore the judging stares.

The Triple Option

My kids attended a Lutheran preschool because of the good reviews it had gotten. They loved that school and were great. One day, they had a dentist come to the school to teach the kids about dental hygiene. When we went to pick India up, she was just as happy and chipper as usual, but her teachers took me to the side for a second. I was used to hearing little stories about how good of an artist she was or how well-behaved and helpful she had been to the class. But this time, they looked a little more concerned. They took me away from where any of the other parents could hear and told us about India’s participation in the dentistry talk.

The dentist had been talking about things that are not good for your teeth and had asked the children to participate by going around the room to each say something. They went around the room and children said jewels like “candy” or “sweets” or any other option but what India decided to add. When it came to be her turn, the preacher asked, “so, India, name something that is bad for you teeth” India spurted out “Whiskey is bad for your teeth!!”

And so, we got a talking to.

Another time, we were at a small group meeting with our church and all the kids were running around in the basement having a great time, while the adults discussed the previous sermon and dug deep into questions and scripture to better ourselves. That’s when Oscar comes running upstairs and says “Mommy, I want whiskey!” Tony and I look bewildered and ask what he’s talking about and he just says that all the other kids have whiskey and he wants some too! Cue all the strange looks between us and the owners of the house – Oscar’s whiskey was another man’s Sprite. They haven’t let us live that one down yet.

The bad call(s)

There were many occasions where our kids lack of knowledge about soda made us look really bad. One, Tony was in line to check out at Meijer and had India with him. The woman checking out in front of them was buying two or three cases of diet coke. India turned to her father and very loudly proclaimed “That woman is buying a LOT of BEER!!”

We went to the Clare, MI Irish festival around St. Patrick’s Day and brought the kids to the craft fair to look at all the amazing things people had created. The kids were actually pretty impressed, but Oscar was most impressed with these model pirate ships someone had made out of soda cans. He dragged me up to the guy who had done it to show me his work and says “Mommy, look at all these boats made out of BEER! I bet daddy would like one!”

More recently, I have been having some stomach issues and went out and bought some sparkling water to get the carbonation without the calories or caffeine to help with the nagging nausea (no, I’m not pregnant – just dying – just kidding). I was picking Calvin up from daycare at a Church and happened to be walking out of the building with another mom and her kid. When I opened the door to put Calvin into the car, he saw my Perrier and shouted loud enough for even Jesus to hear “Mommy, are you drinking BEER?! In the CAR!?!”

Personal foul!

Raising children is a confusing task. No manual comes with them to tell you how to prepare them for the world. At one point in India’s life, I think she was 3, she was very big into Rapunzel and wanted hair like hers and just loved long long hair. She wore nothing but pink and frilly skirts. We were checking out at Target and the young woman checking us out had very short hair – like a pixie cut and she wasn’t wearing any makeup. India was staring at her for awhile and finally spurted out “Mommy, is that a boy or a girl!?!” Mortified, my eyes attempted to leave my skull as my blood rushed to my face. This was just at the beginning of public gender identification issues and I was terrified to have to tell her one way or the other. But I apologized and said, “No, India, she’s a girl.” India said “No, mommy, he’s a boy, he has short hair” I tried to explain to the girl that India was very into Rapunzel and her long hair, but the woman did not look amused or understanding. I felt awful.

Illegal use of hands

Raising boys has been fun in it’s own right. Constantly telling them to get their hands out of their pants, and to pee IN the toilet. Just this weekend, I have had to tell one of the boys things like “You can’t hold your penis and a balloon at the same time!” and at dinner “please wipe your hands off on a napkin and not your underwear!”

The worst time, though was when Oscar was 3 and we went with my brother and his girls along with Tony’s family to the St. Louis Zoo. We were meeting my brother there and were standing in the courtyard just as you walk into the gates of the zoo. People were milling about everywhere, looking at maps, deciding where they would go, reading plaques and signs. If you’ve had kids, you know just how fast they can get away from you especially when you have three and there’s only two of you. Well, we were looking for my brother and Tony’s family was trying to decide which animals to go see first when we lost Oscar. Two seconds and he was gone. We looked around wildly and then found him on the side of one of the walkways, pants around his ankles, peeing into the decorative bushes. He was 3 and just starting to master the art of not peeing in his pants and his tiny yellow arch was already going, so we just laughed and pretended not to see him until he was done, then ran over to cover him up. We were absolutely sure we would be asked to leave the zoo, but I guess no one saw us. Or perhaps, if someone did, they understood what it was like to try and raise young, feral humans.

I hope you had some laughs. I have not been terribly inspired to write lately. If you have any suggestions or topics you would like discussed, please comment.

90 Replies to ““Have kids”, they said…”

  1. Yup – We’ve all been there. When my son was in kindergarten, I was called in and the teacher acted like he was a pervert in training because in the lunch room he placed his hotdog in a strategic location (pants intact) and announced “Look at my great big wiener”. I thought the teacher’s reaction was over the top. He is now 36 and a Methodist Pastor – See there is hope!

  2. I am so glad you posted. I told my husband at lunch today, I was afraid something might be wrong because you hadn’t posted in so long. Glad it’s just life and kids keeping you busy. Love to hear about your lives now that I don’t get to see you except in reruns.

  3. Your stories about your kids always make me smile. My kids had an impressive catalog of “parent embarrassing” episodes. Now that they’re all parents of little humans or large dogs, I’m enjoying watching their squirmy, embarrassing moments on social media.

  4. LOL. Some good memories!!
    Hope you start feeling better soon. Hope your doing well with work and I pray ur mental issues are better. I have 2 good friends that are Vets so I feel for you all, I know what you have to go through daily. Your an awesome person, mom, and doctor. I just lost my 8 yo worry this past Thurs, unexpectedly. It’s so hard dealing with pets passing. Hope all is well with you all, and I was so excited to see a post from you.

  5. This made up for any missing posts.

    As for explaining to other adults, those that feel compelled to explain what happened with will never understand. Those that will understand need no explanation.

    At four years old I ran the neighborhood nekkid. It was fun and exciting. Boys do stuff.

    Seems you could use a couple retrievers.

  6. This made me laugh so hard. I have some gems like telling my oldest to keep his cup off his penis and my middle child calling apple crisp “apple tits”. It’s so nice to know I’m not the only one.

    1. I just had a phone call from the “favorite son”. The one that followed the path that always was uphill. Love that knothead.

      The consolation prize is when “in your old age” they will say how they appreciated what you did and apologize for not listening better. If they only knew that all we did was hang on and it was our failure to teach them how to listen. Now, my son with the hardest head, after his four children and six grand-kids and one g-grand-kid, is finding out what we all know. Life is lived mostly following the path of least resistance and By The Grace Of God.

    2. I loved your blog. I had missed you on here. I did not know you were sick.!Your my favorite on here. If you weren’t on here I most likely wouldn’t be
      The stories of your family are fantastic. I’m sure you will write that book someday and it will be a best seller. I’m also sure there will be a movie.
      Love you and your family.

  7. My wife and I have a 6 year old (daughter), 3 year old (son), and an 18 month old (daughter). I read your post to her and we laughed out loud non-stop through the whole thing. It’s always gratifying as parents to know that you aren’t alone in your struggle, thanks for sharing.

  8. Hello Dr. Emily,
    I think you are a kind, sweet, honest, beautiful person.
    I’m praying for you and your stomach issues.
    I live in the beautiful Napa Valley in California and the fires have finally subsided so the air quality is much better.
    My son and his wife and three kids (Ags 10, 8, and 3) have had a very though time through the whole Covid thing, then the terrible fires. The air quality was hazardous at some points. All is much better and our beautiful Valley was spared. The grapes may have been badly affected by the smoke.
    My family is in the wine industry, so it’s been very hard for this particular industry. Of course, our Valley is very much supported by tourism, so this has suffered as well.
    But God is good and the whole family is healthy and relatively happy
    God bless your big heart.
    Sincerely,
    Helen Reavis
    P.S. If you ever want to stop drinking all of that Whiskey, come here and I’ll take you and Tony wine tasting!

  9. So funny, cute, and that’s kids. Got to love them. We have 4 grandkids too first one a girl the 3 boys so we can relate to all of this.

  10. Thank you so much for sharing. I’ve missed your writings. Sorry to hear about your tummy trouble. I hope you feel better soon.

  11. You definitely have to shake it off and it’s very hard!!!

    We have a goat farm and our daughter has learned all about birth. So we were at an estate sale and she told the two ladies who were hosting that she was giving birth on their carpets and her placenta would ruin the carpets… they looked mortified. I was trying not to laugh.

  12. I’ve missed reading & watching your blogs! Although I rarely comment, I love reading them. My wife tested positive for COVID-19 yesterday, so now I’m awaiting my test results. We’re both 59 years old, with underlying conditions, so I really needed a good laugh while sitting on pins and needles. Keep up the good work, and I look forward to your next post! /Ken & Kathy

  13. Kids believe it is their job to mortify their parents, and yet are oblivious. Every parent has those moments. My friend was touring a prospective pre-school with her 4 yr old. The tour guide was describing the meals, “ breakfast and lunch, plus 2 snacks per day”. The Obviously well nourished little one very enthusiastically exclaimed “ you get breakfast and lunch???? My mom doesn’t feed me that much and I am not allowed to have snacks!” Mom mortified. Those events become humorous memories, to retell when they have their own little humans.

  14. I love your stories ❣️
    Thank you for sharing …. I’m sorry your not feeling inspired, but I get it!
    I’m not ether … about ANYTHING at all lol hang in There…. we’ll get through it 😉

  15. Great post! The wife and I both agree that we were way better parents before we had kids. We’ve had our share of embarrassing moments but so far we’ve been able to laugh about them afterwards. Kids keep you humble and you certainly become more empathetic towards strangers whose kid is melting down in the store. Kids help you become more Christ-like. Some days they show you just how much more work you need to do on yourself.

  16. It was good to see you writing again. I’m sorry about your stomach issues and that can’t be fun. Whether serious, funny or thoughtful, I love “hearing” your voice.

  17. Glad you’re doing ok. We too had a child that liked to go around saying how they just loved their whiskey. To my knowledge they’d never been near it but you immediately wonder what everyone around you at the time is thinking about your parenting!

  18. You have a wonderful sense of humor, and great writing style! I always enjoy your blogs and laughed at loud several times while reading this one. As I laughed, I recalled pretty much the only two times that my then-young son had embarrassed me, and thought I would share.

    I was in a grocery store in Chicago over 40 years ago when our only child, Gabe, was about 4 years old. As we walked down one of the aisles, Gabe noticed Flintstone vitamins on a shelf and said he wanted them. As he was already taking vitamins, I said no. He loudly declared that he needed them and would DIE if he didn’t have them! Then, even louder, “Do you want me to die???” An elderly couple was in the aisle and frowned at me. I must admit that at that moment and for just a split second I thought “Yes!” lol

    The second time he embarrassed me, my husband and our two elderly neighbors who were with us, Gabe was 9 or 10 when he was in a Christmas pageant at his school. At the intermission, we all went outside to have a cigarette… Yes, we smoked back then, and most of the other parents were out there along with us. Gabe came out to join us and I saw him looking intently at a baby in his mother’s arms. As I was about to quietly ask him what he was looking at, my son loudly exclaimed, “Look, Mom! It’s a real live Cabbage Patch Kid!” I was mortified, but have to admit it was quite funny!

    I hope you are well. Unfortunately, I know how hard it is to not be terribly inspired to write when you just aren’t feeling so great…or good…or just okay. What a year this has been for all of us!

  19. That was amusing! I’ve missed your blog posts!
    Write about the ups and downs of get school please.
    Jan

  20. Love this. It is a true and accurate depiction of raising small ones. But the time passes so quickly. Enjoy every minute. I can relate to your story about getting a lecture at school. Our kids were in a Christian School that didn’t have a cafeteria, so kids brought lunch. There was a microwave available. I always bought them juice boxes, something microwaveable, and another thing or two for their lunch box. All they had to do was great it and out it in their lunch box. I went to a teacher conference and got told that my daughter was bringing an empty lunch box every day and didn’t have any lunch. I was mortified and felt like the worst mother in the planet!! Your story too he back! I’d give anything to have mine back at that age!! Mortification and all!! Thanks for your blog. Come take a vacation in Asheville, NC!

  21. Dr Emily, I so hope you are feeling better by now! You and Tony are beautiful both inside and out and great parents!! Please, please continue to post!!
    I’ve had 3 children. The older 2 boys. My youngest, a daughter. She, her husband & I just had a laugh today about “potty training”. Her brothers were 5 years, and the next 11 months older than she. Insisting on standing in front of or on the toilet, she was determined to teach herself to “go” like her brothers did!! 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️ They have a 5 month old little girl now. Will see what the next (when the time comes) child will bring…

  22. I know what it;s like to try to corral kids. I love seeing how your’s are growing. I miss you so much at Dr. Pol’s and wish you would go back. You didn’t live due to the weather since you are still in the cold. Don’t you miss the large animals? Please keep us informed on your family. Love you and miss seeing you.

  23. Thank you for making me see the memories of my son also. When he was 3 and getting the potty training down pat, but when we were at my mom’s he use to make a bee line out the door to always pee on one of my mothers bushes. We never understood why he just didnt go in the bathroom but he use to say he had to water my moms,plants as him and her did it everyday. He is now 41 lol

  24. My husband and I were recently in Virginia and passed numerous signs directing us to your town. We didn’t take any of those directions, but we did comment on how long it had been since you posted on your blog. Enjoyed this one and are glad you’re back. Hope you get over your stomach ailment and keep writing and vlogging.

  25. Happy to see your blog. This whole Covid thing has affected us all. I live in the country so I can at least go outside my house without a mask. The weather has changed and the leaves are changing, so you should be seeing a lot of beauty in Front Royal. My son and family live there, and this Covid has prevented me from visiting them. I have to stay away from people so I do my shopping by app and go pick it up, never coming in contact with people. It was fun reading your post today. As the mother of four sons, I can relate. Stay safe.

  26. Oh my goodness you just made my day in a good way! Too funny! I only had one child & some days I didn’t think I would make it – I can’t imagine having 3 running in different directions. We were just at Meijer yesterday…I was kind of sad to see that “Sandy” the mechanical pony ride was put away due to Covid. In its place there was a really nice sign that said “Sandy is relaxing in the Corral”.
    It sounds like you and Tony have a good sense of humor with your kids – always a plus!

  27. I was delighted to see your new blog. just yesterday i was telling my daughter that you had kind of disappeared for quite some time, and i really missed reading about your adventures either at work or at home.. i am sorry you are not feeling up to par.. and that soon you will be back to your old self. well, not old.. ah, you know what i mean. looking forward to hearing from you soon…you and Tony and three beautiful children, and you are building so many memories… take care, Emily and family…

  28. I always enjoy reading your stories. They are so entertaining and never fail to put a smile on my face. I am really curious about how you and your family are making it through this crazy pandemic. Did you or Tony have to homeschool the kids? How about quarantine? How did the kids handle being stuck in the house, not able to go anywhere or see anyone? I can’t imagine being a working parent and having to go through this crisis without ending up in the psych ward. I hope you are feeling better and your stomach troubles are gone.

  29. Good to see you back!! I have missed reading your posts. I have raised 4 children and can relate to the stories you told, one way or the other. Very entertaining. Takes me back to when mine were young. I now have great grandchildren so I do know you will survive this. Your children are wonderful. GOOD JOB

  30. Thanks for sharing these stories with us! My four children are all grown now, but boy, did this bring back memories! Although raising children is tough, it is so incredibly rewarding! Hang in there, and I’ll be praying you start feeling better very soon!

  31. So glad you’re back! As for topic suggestions – how about videos similar to your walk in the woods or Easter egg hunt instead of having to write a long blog? It might be easier for you to keep in touch with us.

  32. In the early 70’s I was at a grocery store 16 km away from where we lived, a small town where only white or Asian people were. My daughter was sitting in the child carrier of the grocery cart. As I was going down the aisle, all of a sudden my then 2-3 year old put her hands on either side of my face & with a look of bewilderment said, “Mommy, that lady got a dirty face.” When I looked there was a black lady walking past us on the aisle. I was mortified.

    One Sunday, I took my toddlers (boy & girl 14 1/2 months apart in age) to church. At one moment we were standing. The next they were lying on the pew feet to feet playing footsy. Needless to say I left church early.

    They’re both grown now & are enjoying the antics of their own kids. LOL

  33. Our church had a group of families that camped together for years. One of our favorite memories is of a young one bothering his parents during worship. He finally took it upon himself to go just to the perimeter, where he was still in sight, and relieve himself in some nearby trees. At least no one had to go looking for him! 🙂

  34. You are one popular woman. Too bad you don’t get residuals. They have still found a way to work you into the current season. You go girl!

  35. Dear Emily:
    After reading many of the other comments, I can see that you were missed lots by all of us. These past 6 months have been hard on everyone, and even harder I’m sure when you have little people to take care of and worry about every day. I hope that you feel better soon. Please take care of yourself and your lovely family. We will all get through this if we just stick together.

  36. Child rearing manuals don’t work because each child has its own ideas on how to manipulate the adult. A roll of duct tape would be of more use.
    This world is not happy now and meanness is becoming widespread so every little light in the darkness can make a difference. When I see a new post in my inbox I brighten up. Sorry you’ve had writers block but a day of emotional and physical stress, chasing 3 kids, a bottle of wine (my assumption), then you put your mashed potato brain affect to sleep. Totally understandable why you can’t write. Whenever you feel like posting we will be here.

  37. I love hearing about your kids! We’ve all had those embarrassing moments when our children have blurted out something that embarrassed us to death, like my daughter yelling “somebody stinks” (a case of BO), or “mommy “she’s fat”. If they say haven’t then they’ve blocked it out of their memory! The only thing to do was to turn around and pretend you’ve gone deaf!

    I just loved it when my daughter, who is the only one who had any kids (so far) would tell me the things that her kids would say while in any public place and think to myself KARMA! It always comes back around and when you become a grandparent and India, Oscar or Calvin tells you what their child has done you can get that same karma satisfaction smile and say “oh my”!

    As for not being in the mood to write that’s fine take a break, we’ll all be here ready to read whenever you’re ready to post!

  38. So happy to hear from you again, Love hearing about you and your family. Your children are growing up so fast, they are adorable.

  39. I have short hair and I get called sir regularly. I figure at least they were being polite and I can’t fault that. When it’s kids it’s coming from innocence and wonder. My 8 year old grandaughter and I were walking out a store with some people and a moonlighting cop for security. She looked up at me and said with her outside voice “grandma are we going to get your marijuana now. I have a legal medical card and while open and honest about medical marijuana, pros and cons,and keeping it locked up, my first thought was “I’m going to jail”.

  40. I really missed you. I understand how busy you must be. I am ready to lol at some of your kids antics along with my family and believe me we still get together and laugh about what some of the crap we did as kids. The nuns would probably roll in their graves if they knew who put a goldfish in the holy water font.
    How about any antics you guys did in school.

  41. Was just thinking of you and your family last night. Miss you on TV and hope things are going well and you are all staying well.
    Your piece brought back so many memories – especially one son who held onto his privates constantly – as if they were going to fall off. Never did figure out WHY. He’s in his forties now and doesn’t know the answer either 🙂 🙂 🙂

  42. I thoroughly enjoyed your stories. We raised 3 boys and 1 girl so I can really relate to all your stories.

    If you could give advice on Barking Dogs, I would most appreciate it. I have has two Malatese (in a row) and both enjoy barking excessively at the mailperson and anything that moves outside. Due to problems with the neighbors complaining, the current dog was debarked….except she can still bark some, just not as many decibles as prior to surgery.

  43. ***from your childhood memories~~~put all the children on my driveway laying down, add a dog or two and cover them with large heavy quilt; start engine in car as tho you have no clue they are there~~~turn engine off and sigh and smile to yourself, this must be how my mother ‘free-ranged’ raised me; uncover your children and ask them whatever are they doing under that quilt with the dogs~~~as if you have no clue~~~next time in public, that can be their story line*** this too will pass until they are in their teens

  44. I think one time you said you has “free range kids” or something to that effect. I think that is great and I wish I had been less managing with mine, I think the independence, with all it’s “moments”, is a healthy thing. I love your stories.

  45. loved your writing about 3 kids. i didn’t have any but I was there every day ( a mile away) for her 3 (daughter, son, daughter; now 41, 40 and 36). I loved every minute of it, because i knew I could throw them back when they acted up. I’ve told her that one day she will have to pay me back for all the babysitting the kids and all the animals (iguana, bunnies, dogs, cats, mice).

    Looks like you are doing a great job! It must be great to be such a wonderful mom and vet.

  46. Sorry Emily but your kid stories are funny,especially to people like me with no kids.Ive more than my share of stomach issues,and Ive found Blenheim ginger ale to help, its also delicious!Really miss seeing you on tv,but Im glad you keep all your fans updated.

  47. Gotta love it! I have saved at least three “blackmail “ photos of each of my three children plus scads of stories of each and am willing to share at any time. With anyone. They are not safe after the things they pulled on me!!

  48. Your children are beautiful!!! My husband and I live in rosebush and dr pol is our favorite show And you are favorite vet!!! We miss you !!!!

  49. This was so enjoyable! Kids are these…..along with being challenging, and we can all relate. We used to live in West Bloomfield, MI, and I loved Meiijer’s. Hope your feeling better

  50. My wife and I were becoming a bit concerned as we hadn’t see another episode from you or Tony in quite a while. So happy to see your email again. A thought for another topic: Covid and your kids. I’d love to know how you are handling the pandemic with your children. Since you are steeped in STEM subjects you have more trained thoughts on the subject.

    When I left the service in California, we wanted to get back to the midwest as soon as possible without stopping. I didn’t want to stop very often as that always meant spending money; something we didn’t have much of at that time. So in order to not have to stop too often I had the kids pee into a tin coffee can. My son, now 52, got to laughing as he was going. Well his aim went south. As it turned our I was driving and he was directly behind me. So yes he did. Hosed me down and never stopped laughing.

  51. Such great stories. I laughed because we have been there, too. They have great parents, so keep up the good work!

  52. I found your blog today and want to thank you for making me laugh out loud!
    I understand about being overworked and sinking into darkness. I cared for my mother who suffered with Alzheimer’s, my father who has lumbar spinal stenosis and working a part-time night job struggling to pay my bills and maintain my sanity. Very little sleep, doing yard work on a 5 acre lot , cooking and cleaning. I grew very ill.
    But I digress, I am glad you found a path that helps you decompress from the grind. Boys are quite the “feral” little beasts, but sure are going to make you laugh when they’re grown and having their own kids…listening to them tell you stories about the embarrassing moments their wee ones will provide.
    Life is so funny.

  53. I love reading your posts. You are a beautiful soul. Lucky babies to have a mom as sweet and funny as you

  54. Any particular reason parents of your age don’t discipline their kids anymore? Might help especially with Calvin.

      1. I am appalled at how rude some people can be, and felt the need to reply to Catnut along those lines. Not that you needed my assistance! Your reply was perfect.

        1. Oh my! I can tell you were not raised to the saying “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all”. Not every parent is a strict drill sargent either. I pray your attitude changes.

    1. Wow! That’s incredibly rude, especially so since you have no idea of how they are raising their children. If you have or had children, how would you have liked it if someone criticized your parenting without knowing what they were talking about? Judgmental much? smh

  55. Great stories! I can SO relate LOL. You are a talented writer and i love your sense of humor 😊

  56. Hi Dr. Emily. You are a talented writer, and I so enjoy your blog. We have missed you. I hope your nausea it now a thing of the past.

    One question that I have always wondered about is; is it normal for folks to take their cats and birds from their car to the vets and back by simply holding them in their arms or loosely wrapped in a blanket? I see this on lot of the vet shows.

    I know (and tried to help) a couple who brought their beloved cat (from the next county over – 25 minutes away) to our local vet in a cardboard box, and their cat escaped into the woods, right as they tried to go in the front door at the vet’s. They looked diligently for 4 and 1/2 months (from June to October) and finally found him skinnier and with a broken leg (right outside of that vet’s office), before the snows started.

    Anyway, I really enjoy your blog and the laughs, Thanks!

  57. Great stories about your kids! I remember how hard it is to keep track of three little ones out in public. It sounds like you do a wonderful job. And remember…all the things they do and say in public to embarrass you now, you get to repay to them with interest when they’re teenagers!
    I hope your stomach is doing better now.

  58. Dr. Emily,
    Love still seeing you on Dr. Pol occasionally. Even saw Tony flash by in one scene.
    I hope that you get your tummy issues settled soon.
    Great stories about your beautifil kids.
    All best.

  59. So glad to hear from you again. Love all the stories and miss you on Dr Poll but also understand why you moved on it had to be exhausting. Will look forward to your next post. Btw your kids are beautiful and they look very happy.

  60. Emily, that was truly, funny and oh so true, but i have to say at this time, that your Daughter is your clone, she looks just like you and it sounds like she is going to be just like you, that would be a wonderful thing for the World. I have followed you all through the “Pol” shows and a few times through all the reruns, ( hope they pay you for them) and i have read all of your stories, and i see your a beautiful woman, both inside and out, you have a giving and kind, heart ! I have a Daughter who by the way is also a Veterinarian, and she now has 5 Kids, and decided to leave the practice, but she is still keeping up with her CE. She is just like you, in many ways and i am very proud of her, she graduated in the top of her class at Texas A&M, and plans to return to Practice when the last one has gotten to the High School level, she Home schools until the end of the 8th grade level. Emily, it’s always fun reading your stories please don,t stop.
    God Bless,
    Jim

  61. Circa 1975 when feminine products were just starting to be advertised on TV, my 3yr old son asked my mother if she any “Mexican pads”. Same kid, same age , we walk into a bank where he spots a man with an unkempt beard and a fur hat. He blurted out “that man looks like a werewolf!”

  62. My cheeks hurt from laughing. As the mom of three boys, I have my own treasure chest of penis, farting and “Lord, just take me now!” stories. Thanks for making my day so much more fun.

  63. I would like to hear how you and your family are dealing with the whole “COVID19” issue. I have had some real funny stories with my family since this whole thing started. We have spent more time on the farm together and like children, animals are very unpredictable.

  64. I have been seeing you on Dr. Pol. It seems like as much as when you were actually working there. I see the work load with a new set of eyes. Good move to Virginia. Dixon

  65. Dear Emily, you are wonderful. We miss seeing you on Dr. Pol ( how tired are you of reading that?) and the show just is not the same without you. BTW – You have a natural talent at writing. Please don’t stop.
    For Tony: you have a perfectly imperfect wife. You could not be luckier. And she has a wonderful husband, keep it up. You are both clearly in love, and blessed with active and interesting children. Can you really ask for more of life. Bless you both and thanks for generously sharing with all of us. I’ll end this with a prediction: Emily, you will write a book one day, and it will be a best seller. Love, Ed, Sue and Merlin, the wonder Beagle.

  66. I loved this ! I got lots of laughs. India is spitting image of you Emily. All three kids are adorable. Thank you for sharing your life with us. You and Tony are doing great job. Stay well and happy

  67. Hi Emily and Tony,
    Thanks for your blog. Hope you are well and enjoying this fall in VA. I live in the Northern Neck but am currently in Iowa (from whence I come), helping out after my mom’s death and, unfortunately, assisting one my brothers in a recent health crisis.

    Dr E, wondered what you recommend about a 5-ish year old golden/lab mix spayed female (Bubsy) who pees submissively and in the house. My brother rescued her from a separating couple, neither of whom could take her. She was probably never properly housebroken and when she joined my brother’s home 2-3 years ago, the dog he already had (neutered make) was top dog. She will potty outside, but also inside. My brother is COO of our family’s business (and senior employee following our father’s death in 2007). He has spent years taking care of other people in off-work time, including our 100-year old mother who just passed away in June. His dog (and cat) are left alone a lot and don’t get adequate exercise or attention. Dog Bubsy is super sweet . Now, very sadly, our brother was recently diagnosed with lung cancer, on top of a diagnosis of Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia in 2016. Anticipating his upcoming treatment, we sibs are trying to find ways to care for his pets, complicated by Bubsy’s submissive peeing and in-house elimination. I know there’s no quick or easy solution, but your advice is very appreciated. Thank you.

  68. Good to hear from you again. All seems to be relatively “normal” for raising children, but interesting to hear other people’s experiences.

    BTW, I regularly drink Perrier type water (I’m a Pelligrino user) for stomach issues. It has actually become my drink of choice when water alone doesn’t fix it.

    Hope all is well. Love to all.

    Jeff C.

  69. Lol, thanks for the laughs Emily ❤️ When I read the part about Oscar at the zoo, I flashed back to when our son was about the same age and did the same thing at a rest stop. We were visiting my parents and we all went to my brother’s property for the day. He lived in a cabin in the forest at the time with a lot of land, no close by neighbors. For that day, we told our son Jason that he could potty on a tree, which is something he’d never done before. Our trip home after our visiting my parent was a long 6 hours so we had multiple stops. The first rest stop we came to for a potty break was memorable. I was taking Jason to the restroom and he proudly walks up to the first tree he sees and proceeds to potty on it just like he did at his Uncle’s land! Of course we got the judge-mental stares from quite a few people which was embarrassing…but that incident became a memory that we have laughed about for years!!! 😂

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