Yesterday, I had a hard day. I had an emergency animal come in on death’s door from possible trauma, thought I could save him, but after an hour of fluids, meds to bring down brain swelling, warming bair huggers, oxygen, and all the meds to keep his heart going when he stopped breathing on his own, we had to finally throw in the towel. Calling and giving the owner that news was heart wrenching to say the least. Later that day, another patient came in for what I thought would be a pretty simple, but long term treatment plan for a young animal with chronic issues. The owner, understandably, after having pours thousands of dollars into a very young animal without ending the suffering, was already ready to throw in the towel. I knew it was the right answer, but it just felt like I was murdering this beautiful baby soul. I know what my job is and the practicality and humanity of stopping the fight, but it was still, literally, gut wrenching to push that pink fluid into that sweet, loving animal’s vein, even while those eyes trusted me not to hurt her, I stopped her heart.
I’m the worst when it comes to looking on the bright side – when it comes to myself. I’m fantastic at trying to get others to see the light in things and keeping humor interjected in almost every situation to keep others out of the black hole that is my mentality sometimes. I’m cynical, I’m doubtful, I lose faith in the existence of God on a regular basis, I lose faith in people (just read the news, like, ever), I lose faith in myself and wonder if anyone who really knows me actually loves me, I have bad days, bad weeks, etc. (If I haven’t posted in a while, I’m probably in a dark place) How have I even survived this long? Well, medication, therapy, and trying to think of things in a MUCH broader view.
Stay away from the news! Any news about the nation or world. You can’t change any of it, you literally just read it and get paranoid, angry, sad, or otherwise negatively emotional. I used to (and still slip into it every now and then) go looking for news that would make me says “OMG! I can’t believe that!” or look for something to talk with someone else about “did you see where.. ” or “can you believe what *** did??”. It’s addicting – somehow reading something that makes you feel an emotion – there has to be a hormone similar to dopamine that is released when you read stuff like that. I still find myself falling into rabbit holes, but if I can stay away from the news, I can typically control my emotions better because, guess what! —> see next point
The people around you and in your community are generally good people. We may all have very different opinions about subjects and topics, but for the most part, most of the people around you are courteous, polite, and trying to do the best that they can. Remember, all the crazies that make you crazy on the internet or social media are the loud ones. The majority of people who are normal, reasonably balanced human beings are not out there touting far one-sided crap. I truly believe that there are enough (probably plenty) of intelligent, wise, level-headed humans in this country who could actually take the issues (social and economic) and come to a reasonable conclusion. If you talk to a *rational* person about politics, you may find that y’all can agree on a lot when solutions are trying to be found. But the whole “my team says this, so you’re stupid” thing will never work. We all have more in common and can agree on WAY more than the news, social media, or your crazy polar friends will let on.
At the end of the day, most everything will be the same. Horrible clients? A dog that tried to die on the table? A horribly complicated case that had you dragging your eyeballs over the gravel while jumping through fiery hoops? When I get home, my kids will be energetic, they will be safe, my dog will greet me like she hasn’t seen me in a year, my cats will greet me like they literally saw me two seconds ago, and after the kids go to bed, I will sit down and have a cup of cheese balls and maybe a glass of wine sitting on my couch watching the next episode on Netflix with Tony. That is pretty much a constant and when I’m stuck smack dab in the middle of the weeds wishing whatever horribly stressful event to be over with, I will stop, go into my mind and imagine sipping that glass of wine thinking about how all of those stressors are behind me. When I can picture myself being done with the stress, I can calm down and muggle through it.
Exercise is always good – you can’t worry about piddly little things when you’re gasping for air!
Find a friend or therapist. Believe it or not, voicing your concerns and even crazy paranoias can release them. Sometimes you just need someone to listen (not necessarily give advice – guys) and tell you you’re not crazy (unless you are – then they may call the police =D) and sympathize with you. Sometimes, even though it’s super hard, actually talking about your issues with the person who is bothering you (esp if family or close friends) clears the air and you both find out you were worried about completely different things.
Try seeing the positives in whatever situation you’re in. Horrible client, but super cute dog? Focus on the fluffy fur. Can’t figure out a case and have never seen anything like this to even know where to start? Try to think “even though this is super painful and stressful and I want to crawl in a corner, after it’s all said and done, I will have learned something new and can apply it next time” – hard times lead to broader knowledge.
Stressful days suck, sometimes they pile up for a bad week or month, but if you can stay strong and keep yourself as an example to others, then the general atmosphere of your workplace, home, community will have a brighter outlook. And when you make others brighter, you will feel brighter and will have a more solid ground to keep yourself going. Everything will pass, eventually. As my favorite quote says “Do your best and leave the rest, for it will all come right one day or night” – Black Beauty, Anna Sewell.
Dr Emily, words of wisdom from you! Always glad to hear about you and yours. I tend to avoid the news when I’m already down. Helping others and praying for them helps lift my spirit. Seems God and my faith are the only constants and all else changes so we hang in there. Keep up the good work you do. ❤️
Oh, my! You covered it all, Dear Emily. I think these days it would be hard to find a person who isn’t on some type of anxiety, depression or even stronger MH meds. Keep your faith in God, though. This world is only a “way-station” for all of us. It isn’t our home, we’re only passing through. As always, thank you for your dedication to helping animals and your sweet little family. Take good care of yourself, Dr. Emily. The dear ones if this world need your sweet heart for caring.
I take it you didn’t look at neurosurgeon Dr. Mary Neal YouTube video which are many who described herself dying and crossing over meetings God and friends. Resuscitated even though she didn’t want to return to life with us at on this planet. My PTs that I resuscitated and Dr. Oz PTs all said the same story of crossing over, meeting God, being in peace, happiness and loved. Didn’t matter what their religion was they all had the same experience. I would think all they animals that passed have crossed over and they are happy in peace and no pain.
I was just thinking about that when our kitty died this week and my granddaughter is in a play so I didn’t want to tell her before her play and have her upset but I do hope cats are in heaven and I hope that gives her some peace. I absolutely love DrEmily. 💖
Having seen and been part of some of the most God awful experiences of other humans, I remind myself how lucky I am. For some who have no ability to function yet somehow can give a smile, for others who never had a chance in this life except for nothing but bad things happening to them, to those who chose to take control over their life by not living, I have probably seen the worse in what life can hand us. But it only gives reason to stop, take a breath and give thanks for the many blessings that have been bestowed upon me. They say if everyone threw their problems in a big pile, after seeing the problems of others, all of us would take our own problems back. There is no utopia for anyone. Maybe that is why there is the Bible, words that can provide comfort, recognition that suffering does exist, and that although one suffers from feeling alone, they really aren’t alone, ever. Each will be judged on their own actions, not others. All one can do is the best they can, and the best they can do to do right. There should be no guilt over that. Guilt is a wasted emotion that leads to more negativity. One other thing, for all the worry of today, what was the main worry five or ten years ago. Probably can’t remember as it is overshadowed by today’s, but the lesson is that the constant strain of worrying serves no purpose. Sometimes you just have to let go.
Love your posts and look forward to them. Love to read about you and your family. Take good care of yourself. Keep the posts coming!
Love and hugs!
Thank you for sharing this side of being a vet. I think it’s so important for owners to hear how much you put your heart and soul into treating our non-human family members.
I had a rough couple of weeks, but it was unexpectedly turned around when I witnessed a cat almost get hit by multiple vehicles (including mine). There is no reason it didn’t get hit as it ran in between four lanes of traffic. I couldn’t leave it. I pulled off and located it in a bush. I called a friend who came in 10 minutes with gloves, a carrier, a towel and treats. (I am well aware this area has incidences of rabies in cats and kittens and I wasn’t going to risk it). I got it to the ER vet for a look over. Of course they always ask for a name, and I said “Frogger”. (Would love some stories like this- where people have to come up with a name on the fly!! I bet there are some good ones.). The vet was actually amazed at how clean and well kept he was, and how he didn’t hiss or bite them. No fleas or ticks, and it was younger than we’d guessed (about 4months). No one has claimed him. I had them give him his rabies and first distemper and we’ve been socializing him. He was very afraid and peed next to the box the first day, but seems to have figured it out.
I think in hindsight it may have been nice for the vet to have an easy case, where there were no injuries and generally a happy story. I am not sure if we’re going to keep him, but I’ve committed to at least getting him vaccinated and neutered for now and see what happens. Either way, this kitten found me on a day I needed to feel like I was doing good.
That said, I think it’s easy to see the two bad things and not the 8 good things in the day. You do a great job, thank you.
Finding someone else who can extract exact feelings, thoughts, feelings, emotions and put them out on “paper” or blow them to the TWITTERVERSE is completely FREEING! When you are voraciously reading a blog that is putting your thoughts to “paper” you feel “heard, healed, vindicated even!”
Thank you DR. EMILY! You are healing others while trying to find the words and thoughts to heal yourself! It’s comforting to me to find others that are thinking and feeling the same!
You are an Angel on earth. Thank you!
I’m an RN and lawyer, served in the Army. I had several sayings with my soldiers, one of which is, “This too will pass — maybe like a kidney stone, but it will pass!” Another was, “Stay sharp, stay focused, suck it up, drive on.” Having lost both of my parents early this year, I’ve muttered both of these a lot the last few months, but you’re right – I find snuggling with my fur kids, sweet tea & dark chocolate, and a ball of yarn and crochet hook help too.
And it’s wonderful that you’re married to your best friend that can help you through the terrible times! Keep going- you’re making a difference in the world!
It takes such a special person to care for animals, there is good and bad. A positive strong person you are and please don’t forget it. We watch your passion you have towards your job, and I am thankful you have Tony and the kids to help and lift you during your troubling times. Please stay in the sunshine because you are the sunshine in so many lives. And during those dark days talk, talk, talk. Stay safe and shine
You hug your family( that includes pets) and know that for every one that can’t be saved there are all the ones that can be. You c an be there for all ..grieve with some and celebrate with others.
Emily, you are a loving and caring person, no question about that. There’s a lot of people who love you for who you are. The news on television sucks, it’s so depressing I have stopped watching it. After Trump lost, what I now do is watch is the incredible doctor Pol show. You are obviously an intelligent person who is scientifically minded and loves to help people and their pets, don’t lose sight of that. You have a young family who needs you.
I spent forty years in the computer industry, and was under a lot of stress. The companies I joined either were taking over or lost their technology edge. I always kept up with technology, nevertheless,. I always put technology as my career compass, I push myself to do that because my value for the next company to potentially hire me, was not so much who I work for, but only for what I knew.
Depression affected me at the end of my 40 year career. It was not because of my performance but because the companies I joined, and it was seven of them, who close their doors.
Emily, you’re the breadwinner of your family, I think it’s taking a toll on you. I looked at your résumé it is very formidable, from college to vet school and being pregnant during your early veterinarian job. Under the burdensome possibility of being fired for being pregnant. Then working for Dr. Pol and having two two more babies under those god-awful hours you put in, you were burnt out and tired.
Now landing this job which have far less burdensome hours , you are nevertheless still a caring person and a very good vet. Please, please don’t tear yourself apart because you somehow feel you failed, because you did not.
There are shit storms in every life, and you’re an expert in cleaning up the messes, and you’ll get through this one.
I would like to add to your comment that I believe some people are put on this earth for special reasons and perhaps Dr. Emily is one such person for her skills to help animals. While that work can be hard cleaning up all those messes, and draining, it really is a blessing that she is here.
Emily, I love you. You don’t know me. I know that you are a normal human being with normal failings. I only know you through TV. But I love you anyway. Lots of people love you and value you. Don’t give up hope or faith. Remember there are people you will never meet who love you.
All well said. I feel fine r you and can’t imagine having to do what you do. Hang in there. I like Anna Sewell ‘a quotation!
It is amazes me that such a wonderful person such as yourself, has down days. 🧐 The ability to pull yourself up is hard especially after the day that you had. I would feel the same way so thank goodness for pleasant distractions. You are a remarkable woman and your family is precious! May you say to yourself “this, too shall pass” and draw what you need to get through it. Sending much love ❤️ to you and your family.
Dr Emily life is full of hurts, hard times & incredibly great moments. For me, I work hard on my patience. Patience gets me through the times not so incredible. I remember the incredibly good times & pray for more. I spent 54 yrs working through the fact my mom never liked me & her abuse. These last 8 yrs have been incredible. I’m a positive person, love my children & grandchildren even more everyday. I love myself & I know God loves me too. I do have a friend who listens to me. But better yet I am the person people come to talk to. I listen. No judging. No advice. If asked I simply explain what I have gone through & worked for me. Thank you for sharing. You are truly an awesome honest person. God bless you.
You’re an amazing Doctor. You did the best you could and thats all us humans can do. I always tell ppl, id rather an animal be put down 1 month to soon, than 1 day to late. I wish we had something in human medicine, that we could end the suffering for ppl. Its a gift from GOD, that allows us to send our pets over the bridge with dignity and before having to suffer in pain for months and months. Thank You for everything you did/do for animals, ps you are loved by many!!! #NOMV
Dearest Emily: I admire your honesty in the face of everything that you see and feel on a daily basis, working at a vet clinic. I volunteer at a wildlife rehab clinic and we deal with sick and injured wildlife daily. Sometimes we can help them heal and get better and sometimes we make that difficult decision to end their suffering. It is so very hard, but please know that you have done all you can sometimes and so in a way, you are giving the dogs or cats or family pets, the very best option. They are not going to suffer anymore. Please reach out to family, friends, co-workers or whoever you need to when you find yourself going down the rabbit hole. We are here always.
Emily, you are a brave, strong woman and an excellent Vet. You have a lovely husband and family of children and pets.
Please keep blogging. Your comments are welcomed, incisive and well thought out. Also enjoy photos of you and the family.
Your a wonderful person and you help so many animals and there humans. Keep fighting the fight we need more people like you who care so much.Many blessings to you and your family.
I don’t know how you are as strong as you are. I would have to say, “doggie, i love you and i release you to the Holy Spirit…”
I have been having dark days regularly for quite a while now. I need to go back to therapy myself. I quit as I didn’t think it was helping but I do need support. I also feel like my faith isn’t as strong as it needs to be during tough time so I constantly try to work on that.
I have to admit, the last blog you posted about Covid didn’t help me. I found myself way too angry with some of the other postings (one in particular lol) because I can’t believe how other people don’t feel compelled to take simple steps to keep others safe. I need to remember that not everyone feels like I do about things.
You have a stressful job and life is just stressful and unfair and hard. I guess we can just do the best we can do and trust that God has a plan even though we can’t begin to imagine that during the hard days.
Some things are just out of your control. You are a person first; Vet second. Don’t mix the two up. I know of only one that could bring life from death, and they nailed him to a cross. I may be only a far distant observer, but I see a strength in you. Don’t let things out your control burn you out. You are only human.
I always remind myself that I have survived 100% of my bad days. The odds are good I’ll survive this one too. Thanks for sharing. We all take comfort that we’re not alone in our struggles!
Dr Emily
I wish I could just send hugs straight through to you. Life is tough sometimes more than we can handle. Praying for you when those hard days come.
The beginning of your post is exactly why I finally chose not to be a vet. The death of an animal haunts me for a long time or forever. However, well said for your entire post. You are right on telling us all to stay away from the news. Just pray that one day things will work out there also. Keep up the wonderful work with the animals. You are great!!
I always think of a picture of a weed that grows in a crack in the concrete. Beauty and happiness will always find a way, even for a moment, if we look for it.
Focus on not getting lost in the bad and negative, and give ourselves a hug when/as needed, and just keep shining that light to show the world that there are still beautiful weeds in the cracks in the concrete.
You are not alone.
Dr Emily- you are an excellent vet. I have been a hospice nurse for over 18 years. I have seen my fair share of dying and death. I have cried more tears than I will ever remember with patients and families. After each one, I leave, say a prayer and give my pain to God. Then I go home, and hug my fur babies. And if possible, hug and love on my grand babies. Life is short. We as humans try to leave our mark on the world and make it a better place. Some of us are lucky enough to say we make a difference in someone’s life every day. You are one of the lucky ones, as am I. Dark days come and go. Sunny days come and go. Life is hard, it is a long learning experience. Keep moving forward. Those of us that are lucky enough to make a difference, have it harder than most. We make the hard decisions, we are the strong ones. But we are also the luckiest ones. We have a wonderful life.
I tell myself and others this to keep hope alive
Remember, all the crazies that make you crazy on the internet or social media are the loud ones. The majority of people who are normal, reasonably balanced human beings are not out there touting far one-sided crap.
Keep talking things out Emily. God bless you and your familt
Love it! Thirty. Second. Abs. I did one, yeah that’s me. lol. Hang in there Dr. Emily. I , like you, won’t read the news anymore. My neighbors are wonderful, kind, caring human beings. What goes on outside of my city limits is going to have to work itself out.
Best Regards, stay happy and healthy!
Thank you, I needed this today 🙂
I’m praying for you and your family.
I deal with anxiety depression everyday. I am getting ready to see a doctor and hopefully he will help me.
When I’m feeling the stress, I try to remember that the Bible says “It came to pass…” not “It came to stay “. And my life verse, Romans 8:28 “All things work together go good for them who are called according to His purpose.” You are such a blessing to many animals, and their owners. Try to focus on the good you are doing every day and let that knowledge be an encouragement to you. ❤️
I’m not a vet, but this really resonates. As always, thanks, Dr. Emily.
I have begun to apply my grandchildren‘a school slogan as my own. “BE KIND”. Even when it breaks your heart to put an animal down or you struggle to find the best treatment you are being kind to that animal and it’s owners. No matter the treatment for each of your patients you are doing it out of kindness by doing what is best for them.
When we get vaccinated we are being kind to our fellow man. Think what a different world this would be if we always based our decisions on whether or not we were being kind in our actions.
Always be yourself Dr Emily because all the aspects of your life adds so much value to your family and to your patients.
When your a little older, you will see the light.
Frank, you are right on the money.
My dear, sweet, empathetic Emily! You have no idea how many, many people love you just from hearing the words you share from your soul. You FEEL deeply. That means sorrow as well as joy. That can be debilitating, especially when faced with frustration over a situation you cannot help to fix. You must feel a heavy responsibility to help an animal, even in the most hopeless of situations. That is painful, gut-wrenching to you, given your love of animals . Even with your training, experience and expertise some things are meant to be, and nothing can be done to make it turn out alright. That hurts. Right now in America there are millions and millions of people who feel that same frustration with the dark mood being promoted currently by political influencers. The more it gets debated back and forth, the worse the frustration becomes. I agree with you. Removing the news from your daily input can lessen the angst. I quit television news about a year ago and my general mood is much more on an even keel. In fact, I watch The Incredible Dr. Pol, Dr. Michele Oakley, all things animals, and I think I’m in better spirits. Just know, Emily, how much you are loved by family, friends and even strangers (fans) like me. You are cherished!
We all have our ups and downs. I’m glad there are people like you in the world. You do what you can regardless; that means you are a good person and I think you know that. I’ve been down that dark rabbit hole. My best advice is to not to allow yourself to dwell on the grim. It takes you down deeper. Think of other things and stop drinking so much coffee. Enjoy your family and leave the office at the office.
Doc, as a retired firefighter/EMT of 36 years, I understand. That is all.
Emily,
your words are an inspiration for me. We all have tough days, and as much as I’ve hurt when losing a furry friend, i can’t imagine the pain you have to deal with on a regular basis. as we get older(i’m 66) we tend to learn to control what we can and ignore what we have no control over. My dad told me at an early(teenage) age, “don’t worry about national events that you have no way of controlling, it will only lead to stress”. I have to remind myself of those words often, as national events and news these days is quiet depressing. Relaxing with a loved one helps, as does an occasional drink but diabetes has curtailed that for me. And I’ve found that sometimes just talking to someone you barely know helps because you’ll tell them things that you might not share with people close to you. I’ve talked to a few online friends over the phone and it sometimes helps me get though the tough times. Like it or not we’re all in this world together and we sharethe same air an water and resources. so learning to get along, help each other and grow spiritually is important for everyone. I wish you and your family the best and thank you for opening up and sharing your life as you do. If you ever need a new friend I volunteer!. love, Terry Simmons, Mountain Rest, SC
Thank you Emily,
I can always connect with your feelings and your posts seem to be perfectly timed when I need to read your words and laugh at the bit of humor you include.
I have recently quit watching the amount of news that I had been, and you’re so correct…we can’t change it!
We appreciate you so much and you are loved. Hang in there.
Hi there,
I’ve worked in Emergency Services for over 45 years, fire-rescue-EMS. Ya, I’m old, and some days I feel it. All wrinkled and bruised, worn out at my seams. I’ve seen just about every trauma there is to be seen. I’ve been a part of raising two wonderful human beings, who now have joined in the Emergency Services game.
I’ve had plenty of “bad days” , and nights, and it doesn’t get easier. But the one thing that I am sure of is that I’ve made a difference. And this one fact is what keeps me going, for whatever time I have left.
I know that I cared. I cared enough to put myself out there, to risk my health both physically and mentally to help other people….and animals, (rescuing stray horses from ravines is always a trying incident.
I rest comfortably most nights knowing that I was there to help those who needed help, no matter the cost to me personally. I am proud of what I’ve done and that is all I need to keep going. And I am so proud of my children (23 and 25) that they carry on the tradition.
Sure, a few bourbons help now and then, but the satisfaction I get from the vast majority of people I deal with is the perfect medication for that “bad days.
Hey, this is what we do. This is what we love. And we wouldn’t have it any other way.
Carry on my friend , carry on.
Yes, knowing that one has helped in some way, is a comfort.