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“It’s Time to Move On”

“It’s time to keep going. What lies ahead, I have no way of knowing…” This was the song that came on when I was at my lowest and contemplating driving my jeep off a bridge on the way to an emergency. Tom Petty spoke to me and he was right. It IS time. Where will I go? What will I do? What if it’s not better there? I have no idea, but it’s not working here.

Felt like my babies were just growing without me – pic taken by Tony while I was at work

Tony and I have moved all over. We moved from our home town in middle Georgia to Athens, GA for college, then to South Carolina for a job, then to Michigan for a job, and finally to Virginia for our, hopefully, forever home. Everywhere we have been, we have run into people who are not happy where they are. Whether it’s just in their job, or their entire geography. We, having been able to just pick up and move (okay, it was NOT that easy), could not understand why people would subject themselves to misery just because that’s where they were. I guess it’s just like the physics law “an object at rest will stay at rest”. Change is hard.

Feeling “caged”?

***Disclaimer*** To be completely fair and honest, I have a few advantages to being able to just get up and walk out of a situation. 1. I am financially stable. I certainly wasn’t always, but I have the privilege of having a loving and willing family to back me if things get hard or bad. 2. I have a mentality that when I decide something, it’s done. I was able to go for one interview in Michigan and find a house in the same 2 days. When I’m done with a relationship, I’m done. When I want to buy something, I drive up to a different town and come home with a new car. Done. 3. My family, though loving and supportive, are scattered throughout the country. I don’t have a home base anymore. And, 4, finally, I have faith that things will work out and that if they don’t, I will just get up and move again and it will eventually all work out. People ARE happy in some jobs. There ARE good bosses. There are good places to live where you can have fun and afford it. You just have to look.

North Manitou island – just need a camping permit and pay for the ferry to get there! That’s me Jumping.

Part I Job woes

I think my number 1 piece of advice for anyone with any job is to make yourself irreplaceable. Don’t just drag your feet and survive the hours doing what needs to be done to get a paycheck, make yourself valuable to the company. Do the jobs no one else there wants to do, take over tasks that don’t have an overseer, go above and beyond to increase efficiency, bring in the costumers, or revenue, basically, make it so that if you left, it would hurt the company in the pocketbook (the only vision most have), and they wouldn’t be able to just hire another body to replace yours.

Best lab vet – look at this rat I grew!!

Now that you have made yourself vital to the company, make them know it. Ask for a raise? Want to make changes in the workplace? Different hours? First, ASK. You know the best way to not get what you want? Don’t ask. Surprise! Your employee isn’t even about to offer you something without your asking. They may give general raises across the board for inflation and such, but they’re not going to just offer you a portion of their money without your pointing out that you do a lot for the company and bring in a lot of money and deserve an increase in pay to keep you there and working as hard as you can. Second, ask while reminding them or pointing out HOW it is you are helping their company. Point out all the ways you’ve made yourself valuable and vital to the workplace then set your requirements. A very helpful person once told me “the ‘company’ doesn’t care about YOUR issues. Rent went up? Putting a child in daycare? Not their problem. You need to make them know why you are valuable to THEM”. If you’re not getting what you want or need, be prepared to go look for other jobs. Don’t stay at a job where you’ve been paid $12/hr for 15 years just because the boss says he “can’t” give you a raise. With your dedication (staying at a place for 15 years) and experience, you can find a better place. Just look.

Part II Life is short!

Yes, I know, cliché. Wait until you read part III. But seriously. Every place Tony and I have lived, we have run into people who are absolutely miserable in their current situation/location. Having been able to just get up and leave makes us wonder why those people just stuck it out. You only live so long. One day, when you’re unable to get around anymore and are stuck where you are and have always been, you may ask yourself, “why didn’t I just try to get out?”. When we lived in Georgia, we heard about how terrible the heat is 9 months of the year, when in Michigan, the cold and cloudiness 9 months of the year, how people hated the snow, etc. Go see the world, or at least the country. Try a completely different climate, environment. I bet there’s a job out there in that state just as much as there is in your own.

You don’t have to commit your life to that area either. Do a 2-5 year plan for yourself. Go live somewhere else, leave your extended family, but know that you will return if it doesn’t work out. Family can travel. This isn’t the days when it took a week to travel across the state in a stage coach. There are airplanes now and good roads and reliable vehicles. I have made a number of cross country drives with three young kids just to see family. It can be done.

Travel with three kids is a migraine headache but then you’re there and it’s all worth it

***Side note*** Fly or drive? For us, with three small children, if the drive takes as much time or just slightly more than the ENTIRE affair of the airport shenanigans, we will drive and save the money. For instance, driving to Georgia from Michigan took 13 hours. We lived 3 hours from the airport that got the cheapest flights (family of 5, you’re still looking at $1500). So, 3 hours to the airport, have to get there 2 hours before your flight, then the flight is 2 hours or something, then you have to go rent a car, 1-2 hours to de-plane and get to the rental car, then another 2 hour drive from there to destination, all while border collie-ing three rambunctious feral kids around, dealing with the glares from other passengers. You’re looking at an 11 hour day. Or you can just strap everyone down in the car, forget having to herd rabid cats, put on some noise cancelling headphones (just kidding) add an extra 2 hours and save $1500.

Wheel barrow – not the most efficient form of travel

Part III You gotta have faith

You have to BELIEVE that it will all work out and that even if it doesn’t, you will be okay. I had no intention of ever moving to Michigan – like, that state never even made it on my peripheral radar of places to even visit – like, EVER. But, I sent my resume to Pol Veterinary Services as an almost favor to a friend who loved the show. I had prayed to God for an answer and the next day, Dr. Pol called me on my way home from visiting family in Colorado. I took it as a sign and had faith it would work out. And it did! Am I still there, no, but I had a great time and being on TV set me up for financial stability that I may have never achieved on my own with a veterinary salary. When I decided I had had enough time with Dr. Pol, I took another leap of faith, Tony and I picked Virginia for it’s geography (not 9 months of stifling heat like Georgia, not 9 months of dark depressing cold like Michigan, mountains and on the coast), scattered my resume around a few clinics in Virginia, booked a family trip to go do all the interviews in a weekend, then landed my current job.

I’m not saying it will be all yellow brick roads and that I was confident and secure in every decision that was presented. I pined and pined for over a year whether or not to leave Dr. Pol asking all my friends and family, who all had different opinions. There were many sleepless nights and stress-induced migraines with trying to plan out massive moves, checking all the boxes, dotting i’s and crossing t’s, etc. But once you trudge through that part (as long as it might take) you get to sit on your proverbial front porch in the mountains, sip coffee as you watch the sunrise and wonder what you were ever so worried about. There are still some boxes that haven’t been checked. We still own three houses. One from Georgia that is currently being rented to own, and the Michigan house never sold either – also being rented to own.

There’s a path, wait, is that a path? Does it end in thorns? Off the edge of a cliff? Or the visitors’ center?

It is HARD to even allow yourself to start to think about the mountain of things that will be affected by your move. Friends, family, jobs, schools, stores (miss you Mejier!!), banks, church, people, activities, clubs, etc. What if I move to a whole new state and I don’t make any friends? What if I don’t like the people there? What if the work situation is worse when I get there? At least at my current workplace I know the horrors and how to deal with them, what if there are new horrors I can’t deal with? I like visiting the mountains, but what if living there makes me feel claustrophobic? What if I get sick of sand living at the beach?

Sooo many questions

Guess what? If you don’t like it, go back or go somewhere else that you think you’d like to try. At least you’ll know you tried. I was 100% sure I wanted to work in the horse racing industry until I worked there for a few externships and saw it through normal colored glasses and knew it wasn’t for me. If I hadn’t at least tried, I would always think I had missed a great opportunity, maybe even have resented my family for it. But now I know that wasn’t the right path for me.

Orion when he was a yearling – will he be crazy? What if he kills me when I’m breaking him?

There are so many what-ifs, but if you don’t try, you’ll never know. You can’t achieve more in life without reaching for more. Don’t just accept your situation and resign yourself to dealing with misery and unhappiness just because you have a few stakes in the ground – or all of them if you’ve never lived or done anything else. I hope this blog pushes at least someone to try something they’ve always wanted. I hope it brings that person pure joy and happiness and makes people realize that you aren’t stuck in your situation, you just have to be willing to make some sacrifices and like George Michael and, later, Korn said “You Gotta have Faith”

Orion “broken” and easy to ride. He WAS crazy, but he didn’t kill me and you know what they say…
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More light, less right

I listened to a great and eye opening sermon this Sunday (at home folding laundry). The basic message was that we need to remember to be a light for people – giving them inspiration and making them feel loved – instead of trying to convince them what is technically right (their doing wrong) but meanwhile hurting them. The example he gave was that age-old story of the woman being brought before Jesus to be stoned for adultery. Jesus could have just as easily let her get stoned to death and been technically right according to the old testament, but, instead, he chose grace and shined the light on her.

I know very much that I have been guilty of trying to force people into my interpretation of right – social issues, medical issues, political issues. But what I need to be doing is spreading the light of love. I have struggled so much with dealing with our current atmosphere and trying to decide when to comment on something, knowing I’m not going to change anyone’s opinion, and when to just let it go and try to be that happy person.

I have found that much of my depression and anxiety is linked to what’s going on in the world and why people are being so stubborn as well as all the negative energy and messages people are openly sharing. My friend sent me a meme that basically says that back in the day before internet and social media, we would only occasionally get hit in the face with bad news, but now that we have access to everything all the time, the amount of bad news is just overwhelming and we’re likely not made to deal with that much. I just need to let it all go. If people don’t want to listen to what the experts are saying and self medicating or denying doctor’s recommendations, then there’s no way what I say will matter. It’s like we say in the veterinary world ‘You can’t care more about your patient than they (client) do”

If people want to spew hatred toward things that are harmless but it makes them feel uncomfortable, I can’t change that. I just need to let it go. But, for sure stand up for someone if you know it’s directed to hurt that person. If I think people are sinning and going against Jesus’s teachings, I cannot change them, I cannot make them a project – that’s all for me, all selfish. But, I can show them love even through it and hope that through my love and support they will also see the light and come around to doing good.

I’m 100% guilty of posting things that are not constructive just to prove a point or make fun of someone for their science denial. But I would like to start anew and ask that you do too. Remember ALL the people who will see your message and if you can think of one person it might offend, don’t do it. Let’s also stop making fun of people for being offended and calling each other snowflakes. Literally everyone is offended by something, so making fun of others for being offended by something is only creating more hate and division in the world.

As far as being Christian goes, you may feel the need to make proclamations directly toward someone or in a general statement that individuals are “sinning”, but as Jesus said, “Let the sinless cast the first stone”. We need to show EVERYONE love (except like mass murderers of child abusers, etc) or they will see that we are Christian, only feeling the hate and rejection we are saying our God will show and that just makes them turn away from the light. You can’t save someone whom you have already rejected as wrong. We are all sinners, but God loves us all.

Sometimes I blur the line when I comment on something to give a different light or to politely correct misinformation, but it’s gotten harder and harder with people being anti-evidence based medicine. I try sometimes to stop the anger and fear before it gets out of hand. I really wish people would exercise their brakes more than their gas pedal. In other words, if you see something that seems offensive, makes you angry, get riled up, etc, STOP. Question the information, do a quick internet search for unbiased information (though I understand that is really hard), think about what is being claimed. Does that make sense? Is there an important part of the story that’s being omitted? Don’t just take the information from a meme and run with it, causing inflammatory reactions and a domino effect of false information. False information can be like juicy gossip that is fun to share and get others riled up like you, but it’s not the Christian thing to do.

One example of this out of control freaking out: My friend is running for school board and when she went out to talk to people about what they want to see, she met one person who said she heard the schools were going to be replacing Math with critical race theory. My first reaction was to laugh super hard. This information makes no sense, is completely preposterous, and perpetuates the fear and hatred that people suck up like a dry sponge. Just stop, think, criticize, ask God, then move on. If you don’t 100% know it’s true, don’t spread it. Be the light. Lead others out of the dark areas of their brain to analyze and be with God and His light.

There’s plenty of toxicity in the world without spreading lies and hurtful things that will just cause more fear and hatred. Let’s be better, let’s be the light. What ever religion or nonreligion you are, this can be achieved just by being a good and thoughtful person. Love others and forgive others like you would yourself. Give them the benefit of the doubt and if they’re no hurting anyone, let it go. Don’t be a bully. BE. THE. LIGHT.

Love you all, sorry for the rambling post. I’m just 24 hours out of anesthesia and a tad loopy. (had laparoscopic diagnostics done looking for endometriosis and all they found was endosalpingiosis – no clue what that means, but it’s nice to not be in constant pain as long as my post surgery drugs last)

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Everything in moderation

***Disclaimer: photos were added 100% willy nilly and have nothing to do with the post other than to add pictures***

I was recently at our Church small group meeting and the topic was, I don’t know, something like living by example and “witnessing” in the mundane – being an example in everyday life. Anyway, we got onto the age-old discussion of whether it’s better to surround yourself with non-believers or believers. I’ll go over the discussed points with both and then talk about the benefits of including both.

Argument 1: Stay away from the “bad” crowd: The theory behind this one is obvious, but a very good point. If you want to grow better as a person, it is better to have people around you who are like you or even what you perceive as better than you.

  • Social situations: If you hang out with negative people who like to cause drama, you will begin to, also, look for drama to start to fit in. In the same, but opposing manner, if you were to hang out with people who really enjoy raising people up and helping and being supportive, you are more likely to integrate THAT into your own life.
  • Habits: If you hang out with alcohol or drug abusers, you are much more likely to partake yourself and possibly fall into a metaphorical hole. On the other hand, if you hang out with people training for marathons or are crazy into health and fitness, you are more likely to curb your life to include those or similar activities.
  • Spiritually: If you only hang out with people who strongly believe there is not a God or only harshly criticize those who do, you will start to feel as though you cannot believe in God for fear of being looked down upon. If, on the other hand, you hang out with people who seem more in touch with God or have more knowledge of religious texts, you are more likely to grow there as well.

Argument 2: Surround yourself with “non-believers” to better influence them to become better people is the other side of the argument, because how can you make the world a better place if you only talk badly about the “bad” people and surround yourself with like-minded people?

  • Social situations: If you hang out with people who are inherently negative and only see the worst in people or a situation, but you are able to enlighten them on another perspective, you may be able to slowly transition them to seeing things in a better light. Example: Car goes screaming past you driving, Negative Nancy says: “what a jerk, I hope he gets caught by the police.” You say “well, maybe his wife is in labor and he’s trying to get to the hospital”. Ms. Nancy, then, of course makes fun of you, you both laugh and move on. Try this in work situations when everyone is gossiping about another co-worker – try suggesting something no one may have thought of that could be the root of the problem so that the one person doesn’t have ALL the blame on them (unless, of course, they deserve it =)
  • Habits: This one is harder. I would love to say that just not being an alcoholic with a few inspirational words would be a positive influence on an alcoholic or drug abuser, but once they’ve reached that point, they need professional assistance – this does not mean you should leave them in the “gutter”. Ideally, you can inspire someone BEFORE they become a full fledged substance abuser. Hang out with them, drink with them, but cut out at a responsible level. If you keep drinking, socially, others will feel the need to keep up.
  • Spiritually: The basic idea with this theory is that if you surround yourself with non-believers, you could positively influence them and perhaps help them become a believer. You would be the metaphorical light house for ships on the sea. If you make friends and find out they are not believers, or even hate people who are, don’t write them off. Let them know that you are a believer and leave it at that for awhile. If you can let them know how you feel without pushing the issue, they will ideally begin to see that not all believers are crazy and may eventually become more curious, but if not, you can still be that positive influence on their opinion of people. Coming from a person who knew of Jesus growing up, but didn’t attend church and had every kid in the school in middle Georgia aimed at saving my soul, I can tell you the worst thing you can do when you find someone like me (as I was) is start the old and rehearsed rhetoric the churches shove down your throat to “witness” to others. Be a cool person, but be a cool person who has made it known that you are a believer.

So, really, both arguments make sense. But they also have their inherent flaws. If you only surround yourself with like-minded people, you cannot grow as a person, and unless you are convinced that you are perfect in every way, there is always some growth to be doing. Even if your are hanging out with people whom you deem “needing your help”, you’d be surprised by what they can teach you. Learning perspective can sometimes be the best growth you can do. People who have claimed “I would never make that life decision” get to know people who didn’t have a choice, or did it with the ultimate courage and make you revisit your perception of people who have made different choices than you have.

If you surround yourself with only people you feel needs your help, you are trying to set sail across the Pacific in a dingy. There’s also the very real fear that you will, in fact, fall to their ways and NOT grow as a person. An alcohol abuser friends with another alcohol abuser = no growth. An alcohol abuser friends with a clean person intentionally trying to change the abuser = not friends very long (OR shining success! – but not likely). Sometimes, people who need help just need someone to lean on while they try to get up.

In reality, at least in the way I feel, you should do a little of both. Hence the “moderation” in the title. You should absolutely find people whom you deem equal or superior to yourself in whatever aspect you need to grow. Whether it’s social, behavioral, spiritual, or even professionally. You should also have friends that do not fit into that cute little package – ones that are fun to be with, but test your limits and in your friendship, you even each other out.

With all being fair, and in the reality of life, you obviously will not be able to just go and select friends that match this picture. So, make friends, love them, learn from them, teach them and if you feel out of balance, join a group that would help you get a little more balanced. I, for one, am not a hugely religious person. I attend church and believe in God most days, but find my best company in the similarly damaged/awkward crowd, so I joined a small group in the church that I attend. This tends to keep me looking in the right direction and thinking about ways to refocus and become a better person while hearing the struggles of others feeling the same way as me.