“It’s time to keep going. What lies ahead, I have no way of knowing…” This was the song that came on when I was at my lowest and contemplating driving my jeep off a bridge on the way to an emergency. Tom Petty spoke to me and he was right. It IS time. Where will I go? What will I do? What if it’s not better there? I have no idea, but it’s not working here.
Tony and I have moved all over. We moved from our home town in middle Georgia to Athens, GA for college, then to South Carolina for a job, then to Michigan for a job, and finally to Virginia for our, hopefully, forever home. Everywhere we have been, we have run into people who are not happy where they are. Whether it’s just in their job, or their entire geography. We, having been able to just pick up and move (okay, it was NOT that easy), could not understand why people would subject themselves to misery just because that’s where they were. I guess it’s just like the physics law “an object at rest will stay at rest”. Change is hard.
***Disclaimer*** To be completely fair and honest, I have a few advantages to being able to just get up and walk out of a situation. 1. I am financially stable. I certainly wasn’t always, but I have the privilege of having a loving and willing family to back me if things get hard or bad. 2. I have a mentality that when I decide something, it’s done. I was able to go for one interview in Michigan and find a house in the same 2 days. When I’m done with a relationship, I’m done. When I want to buy something, I drive up to a different town and come home with a new car. Done. 3. My family, though loving and supportive, are scattered throughout the country. I don’t have a home base anymore. And, 4, finally, I have faith that things will work out and that if they don’t, I will just get up and move again and it will eventually all work out. People ARE happy in some jobs. There ARE good bosses. There are good places to live where you can have fun and afford it. You just have to look.
Part I Job woes
I think my number 1 piece of advice for anyone with any job is to make yourself irreplaceable. Don’t just drag your feet and survive the hours doing what needs to be done to get a paycheck, make yourself valuable to the company. Do the jobs no one else there wants to do, take over tasks that don’t have an overseer, go above and beyond to increase efficiency, bring in the costumers, or revenue, basically, make it so that if you left, it would hurt the company in the pocketbook (the only vision most have), and they wouldn’t be able to just hire another body to replace yours.
Now that you have made yourself vital to the company, make them know it. Ask for a raise? Want to make changes in the workplace? Different hours? First, ASK. You know the best way to not get what you want? Don’t ask. Surprise! Your employee isn’t even about to offer you something without your asking. They may give general raises across the board for inflation and such, but they’re not going to just offer you a portion of their money without your pointing out that you do a lot for the company and bring in a lot of money and deserve an increase in pay to keep you there and working as hard as you can. Second, ask while reminding them or pointing out HOW it is you are helping their company. Point out all the ways you’ve made yourself valuable and vital to the workplace then set your requirements. A very helpful person once told me “the ‘company’ doesn’t care about YOUR issues. Rent went up? Putting a child in daycare? Not their problem. You need to make them know why you are valuable to THEM”. If you’re not getting what you want or need, be prepared to go look for other jobs. Don’t stay at a job where you’ve been paid $12/hr for 15 years just because the boss says he “can’t” give you a raise. With your dedication (staying at a place for 15 years) and experience, you can find a better place. Just look.
Part II Life is short!
Yes, I know, cliché. Wait until you read part III. But seriously. Every place Tony and I have lived, we have run into people who are absolutely miserable in their current situation/location. Having been able to just get up and leave makes us wonder why those people just stuck it out. You only live so long. One day, when you’re unable to get around anymore and are stuck where you are and have always been, you may ask yourself, “why didn’t I just try to get out?”. When we lived in Georgia, we heard about how terrible the heat is 9 months of the year, when in Michigan, the cold and cloudiness 9 months of the year, how people hated the snow, etc. Go see the world, or at least the country. Try a completely different climate, environment. I bet there’s a job out there in that state just as much as there is in your own.
You don’t have to commit your life to that area either. Do a 2-5 year plan for yourself. Go live somewhere else, leave your extended family, but know that you will return if it doesn’t work out. Family can travel. This isn’t the days when it took a week to travel across the state in a stage coach. There are airplanes now and good roads and reliable vehicles. I have made a number of cross country drives with three young kids just to see family. It can be done.
***Side note*** Fly or drive? For us, with three small children, if the drive takes as much time or just slightly more than the ENTIRE affair of the airport shenanigans, we will drive and save the money. For instance, driving to Georgia from Michigan took 13 hours. We lived 3 hours from the airport that got the cheapest flights (family of 5, you’re still looking at $1500). So, 3 hours to the airport, have to get there 2 hours before your flight, then the flight is 2 hours or something, then you have to go rent a car, 1-2 hours to de-plane and get to the rental car, then another 2 hour drive from there to destination, all while border collie-ing three rambunctious feral kids around, dealing with the glares from other passengers. You’re looking at an 11 hour day. Or you can just strap everyone down in the car, forget having to herd rabid cats, put on some noise cancelling headphones (just kidding) add an extra 2 hours and save $1500.
Part III You gotta have faith
You have to BELIEVE that it will all work out and that even if it doesn’t, you will be okay. I had no intention of ever moving to Michigan – like, that state never even made it on my peripheral radar of places to even visit – like, EVER. But, I sent my resume to Pol Veterinary Services as an almost favor to a friend who loved the show. I had prayed to God for an answer and the next day, Dr. Pol called me on my way home from visiting family in Colorado. I took it as a sign and had faith it would work out. And it did! Am I still there, no, but I had a great time and being on TV set me up for financial stability that I may have never achieved on my own with a veterinary salary. When I decided I had had enough time with Dr. Pol, I took another leap of faith, Tony and I picked Virginia for it’s geography (not 9 months of stifling heat like Georgia, not 9 months of dark depressing cold like Michigan, mountains and on the coast), scattered my resume around a few clinics in Virginia, booked a family trip to go do all the interviews in a weekend, then landed my current job.
I’m not saying it will be all yellow brick roads and that I was confident and secure in every decision that was presented. I pined and pined for over a year whether or not to leave Dr. Pol asking all my friends and family, who all had different opinions. There were many sleepless nights and stress-induced migraines with trying to plan out massive moves, checking all the boxes, dotting i’s and crossing t’s, etc. But once you trudge through that part (as long as it might take) you get to sit on your proverbial front porch in the mountains, sip coffee as you watch the sunrise and wonder what you were ever so worried about. There are still some boxes that haven’t been checked. We still own three houses. One from Georgia that is currently being rented to own, and the Michigan house never sold either – also being rented to own.
It is HARD to even allow yourself to start to think about the mountain of things that will be affected by your move. Friends, family, jobs, schools, stores (miss you Mejier!!), banks, church, people, activities, clubs, etc. What if I move to a whole new state and I don’t make any friends? What if I don’t like the people there? What if the work situation is worse when I get there? At least at my current workplace I know the horrors and how to deal with them, what if there are new horrors I can’t deal with? I like visiting the mountains, but what if living there makes me feel claustrophobic? What if I get sick of sand living at the beach?
Guess what? If you don’t like it, go back or go somewhere else that you think you’d like to try. At least you’ll know you tried. I was 100% sure I wanted to work in the horse racing industry until I worked there for a few externships and saw it through normal colored glasses and knew it wasn’t for me. If I hadn’t at least tried, I would always think I had missed a great opportunity, maybe even have resented my family for it. But now I know that wasn’t the right path for me.
There are so many what-ifs, but if you don’t try, you’ll never know. You can’t achieve more in life without reaching for more. Don’t just accept your situation and resign yourself to dealing with misery and unhappiness just because you have a few stakes in the ground – or all of them if you’ve never lived or done anything else. I hope this blog pushes at least someone to try something they’ve always wanted. I hope it brings that person pure joy and happiness and makes people realize that you aren’t stuck in your situation, you just have to be willing to make some sacrifices and like George Michael and, later, Korn said “You Gotta have Faith”
