Per the current trend, people are taking an idea and getting SUPER offended by it. Instead of stopping, doing some thinking, maybe *gasp, some introspection, they just fire off all these lies about the idea to get others also against it, when in reality, the idea would actually help a lot of people.
Calvin with his offended face on
The idea of “toxic masculinity” seems to really peeve a lot of people off and start clamoring that it means being “manly” is bad and all men should start acting feminine. This is not at all what that phrase means. That would be akin to saying “apple seeds contain cyanide” means “you shouldn’t eat apples”. “Toxic masculinity” is just taking masculinity too far and pushing it onto others, causing a toxic atmosphere that leads to more problems in society as well as personal lives.
So, masculinity is OKAY. If you’re into that. Lifting weights, going hunting, playing sports, wearing camo, shooting guns. wanting to be protective of women and children, whatever else is considered masculine – these are all perfectly acceptable and even desirable by a certain population. If you’re into it, and it’s not hurting others, GREAT! NO one is telling men they shouldn’t be who they want to be. If being a stereotypical manly man is your thing, I love it. People in general love it. You be you!
This is my cousin. He’s about as masculine as you can get – southern farm boy, smart as a whip, pharmacist business owner, cattleman, hunter, fisher, etc. and also one of the best men I’ve ever met.
What’s NOT okay is the idea that NOT being perfectly masculine is a bad thing and something to be shamed. What’s toxic is shaming men or boys who, for instance, take dance, like pink, cook, do laundry, help take care of their own kids (without calling it babysitting), or worst of all, show emotion. This leads to de-humanizing of people and the trapped feeling men can get from not being able to be themselves for fear of being shamed, bullied, or even physically beaten.
Calvin wanted to take dance, so we let him take dance. (He’s in karate now for those worried that I was indoctrinating him)
One of the things I see on a daily basis is men in the Euthanasia room, trying their hardest to hold back emotion and tears when they have to say goodbye to their best friend of 15 years. Why should men feel the need to hide that? Why shouldn’t they be allowed to cry without feeling shame? Having an old man, from the “Greatest generation” apologize and look ashamed of himself because he lets his face break for even a moment while trying to remain calm and collected and say goodbye to his best old buddy is heart wrenching.
My brother – 6’6″ ex-football player, engineer top of his field – also best nurturer ever
Or my dad, who was always telling us that we didn’t need a therapist and/or anti-depressants/anxiety meds – we just needed to get out and exercise or eat right or find a hobby. Then, just a few months ago, he called me up to tell me about how he finally went and saw a doctor about anxiety and got on some medication and – can you imagine? ! – it helped SO much! He couldn’t believe the difference it could make!
My dad – he’s coming around 😀
Could you imagine a world where men were allowed to show emotion? Be themselves? Not have to fit into a tiny mold of what men are SUPPOSED to be? Could you imagine how much less violence there might be in the world? How much less pent up frustration? Can you see the irony in women being more brave to break out of their traditional roles than men are? This is why we give men who show something outside the traditional range of manliness so much attention – it’s called positive reinforcement. It’s not that being “manly” is bad, it’s just that being yourself should be celebrated and people who are being themselves are being SO brave!
Boys wanted their nails trimmed. This ended as a happy memory instead of tears and yelling about what “boys should/should not do”
So, you want to be a manly man? Have golden calf testicles hanging off your ridiculously large truck that you drive like someone released a bee hive in your cab, and then, inevitably complain about gas prices? Great! Good for you! No one is telling you that’s bad (except, maybe, the environmentalists). But you should also not feel like you have to hold back your tears as you pay the $150 to drive that truck to town and back. Nor should you ruin your son’s life by making him feel like “men don’t cry” and turn him into a domestic violence psychopath. Emotions are okay. Men doing the dishes and being a caretaker is OKAY.
Boys just want to be loved. They’ll turn out just fine, don’t worry. We just need better humans in the world, that’s all.
Be a man! Be brave! Be you! Just don’t be a dick. That’s all.
This cute picture of a kitten holding on for dear life is the last cute picture you’ll see on this article. From here, I have posted screenshots of articles I found just this morning of injuries and tragic deaths related to guns. Please note that 90% of these happened within the last week. The others within the past 4 months.
Alright, you win. I will concede. You’re right. It’s not guns. And there’s nothing we can do about the number and concentration of guns in this country at this point. Guns are so inundated in our society, no amount of regulations or laws will help to decrease the violence. We have a mental health problem in this country and THAT is what is causing all this violence that guns have just gotten sucked into. The mental health problem I’m talking about is fear. Fear in “the other” coming to take our families and our way of living. Fear of what we think we know as “the bad guy” as well as a mental reliance on the need to show power, and, I dare say, the lack of Faith in God to protect us and keep His will; instead taking other people’s lives flippantly for granted.
Since Obama was president.. oh, um… I don’t know, FIFTEEN years ago, I’ve been hearing nothing but “They’re gonna come take your guns” and people making and selling paraphernalia about the 2nd amendment “come and take it”. Yet no one has ever tried to take anyone’s guns. Not even tried. But the public is being sold this idea that at any minute, their 2nd amendment rights will be swept out from underneath them and it’s done what it was intended – it’s vastly increased gun sales and “big gun” has profited immensely off the fear they have sold. Everyone who’s anyone went out and bought guns because they were told they would soon not be able to. The gun folks created a false sense of urgency and need and, boy, did it ever work. People who had never considered buying guns went out and purchased and people with guns went out and bought more.
Then there’s the lie that a “bad guy” is going to come and take your pursuit of happiness – whether it’s your security, your family, or your possessions. With the media as we have it, with coverage of every minor crime, it seems like the world is a far more dangerous and scary place than “back in my day” when the news didn’t cover everything and many things were still legal – like beating your wife in public up until the 1970s – after that it was still okay as long as behind closed doors. Luckily, since 1990, crime has been slowly coming down. While I’m sure there are still situations where you need extra protection, having the ultimate death tool at your hand all the time is likely much more dangerous than not having a defensive weapon at all.
I’m scared of guns. I’ll admit it. To me, they are like having an open flame going at all times whenever you have one and someone innocent is MUCH more likely to get hurt or killed because of your owning one than an actual deserving bad guy. And when I say “an actual deserving bad guy” I mean someone who is actually going to hurt you or your family. I could tell you a dozen or more stories of my own family who have thought someone was breaking into their house only to find a son home late from college or just a drunk guy who came to the wrong house. If my uncle had a gun ready to go when he saw his large bulking son in the dark when he wasn’t expecting him, my cousin could have ended up dead. If they had shot the drunk man who was in the wrong house, sure it would have been okay by law, but still would have been murder for a mistake. Capital punishment for misdemeanor crime, or, if you’re a God fearing person, just plain murder.
Should we really be wielding a death weapon with little to no training on how to assess a dangerous situation? Just because you can go buy a gun by law doesn’t mean you are trained to determine the situation and the true “bad guy” if there even is one and thinking you are capable of that is a spit in the face to the hard working, constantly training officers who dedicate their lives and souls to this endeavor. I know someone who claimed they heard a noise outside their home and in true scary movie style, went out to investigate, but took a gun. Luckily nothing was found, but what if it had been someone out looking for a lost cat and you shot him? Or if it was just a raccoon and you got scared and shot it and the shot went into your neighbor’s house?
Are we so callous to other people’s lives that we’re willing to let them end just so we can wield a piece of metal? I’ve heard people say “oh, well, most gun deaths are suicide” – so their lives are not worth anything? It’s a very common self-preservation tactic to make someone else’s tragedy the victim’s fault. But, really, according to several segments in the Bible, we are all God’s children and how do you think He feels knowing that some of his children are dismissing the deaths of his other children. Guns make opportunities happen. Not only are they available for a person’s lowest moment and make a split decision much easier to act out – believe me, the idea of poisoning yourself or slitting your wrist is much more daunting than pulling a trigger – but a person who loses their temper can also lead to deaths – spousal disputes, neighbor disputes, road rage scenarios, family/sibling disputes, sports rivalries, the list goes on and on. Not to mention, unless you’re a world renown knife thrower, a gun can kill several more people in a matter of moments than any other *legal weapon. Yes, if you REALLY want to kill someone you will find a way, but guns make super light decisions or drunk/drugged up decisions lightening quick to change lives forever.
Yes, you absolutely have a right to own a gun, but you also have the obligation as a human being and a responsibility as a mortal weapon carrier for every life that is lost by one. As Ian Malcolm said (about dinosaurs, but it totally applies) “we spent so much time wondering if we could (“I have a RIGHT to own guns”) that we didn’t stop to think about if we should (all the accidental gun deaths).” Just because you have the right to do something doesn’t mean you have to. I have the RIGHT to say what I want, but that doesn’t mean I should, just because I have the RIGHT to drink alcohol doesn’t mean I need to become an alcoholic so the government doesn’t have control of me. There are so many thing we have the RIGHT to, but that doesn’t mean we should or have to go to the Nth degree.
If you own guns to be prepared for hunting, sport, or the government takeover, cool*. But, please lock them up to where NO one can break in to grab them. If someone breaks in and grabs one to kill someone, YES!, that death is on you. As a vet, we have access to very potent controlled drugs that we have to lock up. If we’re sloppy and leave it unlocked and someone steals our drugs and dies, we’re liable. That’s on us. There is no difference between a deadly weapon and a drug. The death is on YOU. Maybe not by law, but by conscience and God, (if you believe).
So let me address the side of the room who doesn’t believe in God: In my experience, people who don’t believe in God still have a very nice conscience, MANY times, nicer than those who are religious, so just be selfish for a minute and consider yourself and the effect killing someone would have on YOU. I have to deal with death on a daily basis at my job. I’ve had to grow a little callus to do all the euthanasias that are required and I claim that if they’re at the end of their life and suffering that I don’t feel bad, but in the dark of the night, when my mind is wandering, I think about how that animal was scared to be there and was afraid that I might kill them, and then I did. And that’s an animal that is literally on death’s door that I just gently nudged off the edge. If I were to kill a PERSON who just made a mistake or even had mal-intent I wouldn’t be able to sleep ever again (as I’m sure soldiers and police officers experience). I feel like some people just don’t consider that when they flippantly claim they would shoot and ask questions later.
If you do believe in God, and own guns to defend yourself, why do you lack faith? First of all, the ten commandments – the ultimate of Godly rules – states: “Thou shalt not kill.” Period. There is no asterisk beside it, there is no foot note. Jesus goes on to say that “murder comes from the heart”. So, if you purchase a gun with the intent to shoot someone that has offended you or even scares you, you have committed murder in your heart. There are SO many other not-as-deadly ways to defend yourself. Pray to God to keep you and your family safe, use mace, or pepper spray, call the police if there’s time, take a self defense class (support local business!), get a security system, or just have an escape route, or safe room, if someone breaks in, offer to help the bad guy carry the TV out, yell that you have a gun even if you don’t (shhhh! I won’t tell), get a BB gun or paint gun, etc. The list of things you can do BESIDES attempted murder is endless. **
*I think it’s cute you think you have a chance against a group who has access to technology like drone strikes and tanks and aerial defense. I’m not sure WHY you think the government would take over a country they already own, and the less people there are in the country, the less money they can collect, so killing taxpayers seems backwards.
**Now, I’m sure there are instances where killing someone is the only viable option and I know that God will forgive you/understand if you repent in your heart, but let’s try to not make it the FIRST option.
Now I’m just going to finish posting all the screenshots I took just this morning.
For the past couple of years, I have been plagued with horrible and recurrent dreams. Every night was either a repeat of the same theme with only slightly different scenarios, or the exact same scenario, but just a continuation of the storyline. For instance, I had a book report due on “War and Peace” due in a few days and I hadn’t even acquired the book yet and then the next night was the same book report due, but now it was in 1 day, and the next night it was due in an hour, and so forth. Other recurrences were having to pack to move or leave a vacation or dorm room and only having a few hours to have everything out of the house and cleaned up. These dreams HAUNTED me. Finally, one night in one of the dreams, I realized it was a dream and was able to control what I did in that virtual world and it was freeing!
Slowly, as I began to dream more where I knew it was a dream, I started to try to apply that to my “real” life – I mean, no, I didn’t try to fly or rob a bank or actually finish “War and Peace” (though I tried) or anything crazy like that. But, somehow, viewing the world as MY world, seeing people as playing roles in MY life, somewhat seeing the world as my own virtual reality with my perspective as the main component really helped me to take more control of my feelings and emotions concerning problems in my life and the world. I know this sounds crazy hokie and maybe a little egocentric, and I could totally see how a different personality embracing this view could be detrimental, but for me, it was enlightening and therapeutic.
For instance, I had to endure a child’s birthday party that my child was invited to. Something they don’t always tell you when you become a parent is that some birthday parties, especially when they’re young, you are expect to STAY for that party. Stay at a stranger’s party. With strangers. And their strange kids. Usually, at these parties, I stress and stress the whole time I’m huddling in a corner, trying to pay attention to smiling at people when they look my way or thinking of something to say to the people standing next to me. But this time, I decided this was my life in MY world. So, I sat myself down in a corner, per usual, and just played on my phone and didn’t care if anyone was looking at me and didn’t even attempt to make conversation. This may sound like an incredibly rude behavior, but it was 2 hours that my stomach wasn’t digesting itself with stress just so I could appear socially “normal”. It allowed me to actually relax and enjoy life instead of dreading it.
Obviously, you can’t have this attitude for everything, but you can utilize it to help you enjoy your life better. You would have to weigh the consequences of your decisions, but if it’s just something where you might offend strangers who will have no bearing on your life, go for it. I enjoy wearing very loud, colorful clothing, hair, sometimes makeup. I don’t look like a well put together 39 year old at all. Does it hurt me that some people think I’m weird? Nope. Does it make me happy to wear happy colors? YES! Does it make me a little secretly happy that people think I’m weird? Maybe a little.
If I say “no” to a favor someone is asking of me because agreeing to the favor could hurt me, my license, or my time with my family and it’s taking advantage of a relationship, does that make me a bad person? Maybe, to that person, but setting boundaries is the ultimate form of living your life to it’s fullest. I tend to want to get support from the masses for my boundary setting, but I’ve found that the more you do for people, the more they will expect and at some point, you just have to be that bitch and support yourself to keep yourself sane. I feel that I go above and beyond for friends, family, employers, and even strangers, so when I eventually have to say “no” I don’t feel as bad. Thankfully, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned how to stand up for myself and have slowly felt less and less guilt for it.
Anyway, I’m not saying go out there and become a selfish jerk-wad, but take more risks, do more things you’ve always wanted, don’t feel guilty about keeping to yourself or being yourself. Sometimes, when I’m pondering what life is and God(s) and souls, I think about maybe my soul was up there wishing it could come down and experience life on earth – feel the breeze, smell the earth, experience joy and laughter and love – so, in this imaginary scenario, I begged God to make me a human and now I only have maybe 50-60 years max (and likely only 20-30 years of decent mobility) to do all the things I wanted so badly as a soul. So, it’s an old saying, but life IS short. We have a beautiful earth with all kinds of things to do and see and a HUGE spectrum of feelings to have and experience. Go out (or stay in) and love it!
Do you ever wonder “What’s the point?” “Why do I even try?” or think “No good deed goes unpunished”. Well, a big FAT “Ditto!” from me. I appreciate everyone’s patience through my journey and struggle with faith and seeking meaning and understanding. I know everyone seeks a meaning to life, but I, like, NEED it to all make sense. Like a well rounded novel. All the pieces need to fit together perfectly and then there will be an Ah HA! moment. This has not happened yet for me, but I’m slowly combing through theories and ideas to make my little simple brain happy and content (with a warm fuzzy blanket and mug of something warm… and maybe even a kitten).
Izza keettee kissin me!
Well, my latest struggle has been the crushingly daunting task of trying to make the world better. I’m just one person on a planet of 7.753 billion people stretched farther than I’ve ever travelled or even imagined. How am I supposed to convince the world that love and peace is the best option (and, if you’re a Christian, the way Jesus taught) when so many are angry, vengeful, just a hair’s trigger from mentally crushing someone, physically hurting them, or even killing them because you felt a hint of fear from their difference?
It’s exhausting being an empath
Through this thought process, long hours of running, hiking, thinking, I think I’ve convinced myself of this: I may not convince anyone…. that I know of. If I say “I don’t believe in guns” because I’m a pacifist and follower of Jesus and cannot imagine EVER killing someone, I’m gonna piss a LOT of people off. So many THINK they would be fine with killing a person just because they trespassed or even broke into their home, but I don’t think so. I think they would live with the debilitating guilt of judging that person and taking that life without a really good reason. (Break into my house to steal stuff? I will help you pack your car up before I would ever consider harming you – I mean, a call to the police and insurance will be my next step, but not challenging you). So, now I’ve really pissed some of you off. That’s fine. You will load up the comment section about how stupid and naïve I am and how frivolous I am with my kids’ lives. But SOME one, even if they spew hatred toward me for this opinion, just might have a seed planted in their brain and years down the road, may start to edge toward a more peaceful path. Maybe they’ll just shoot the drunk that accidentally wandered into their house in the foot, instead of taking his life (or the drunk son that didn’t announce he was coming home in the middle of he night as happened to my uncle).
Let make peace the “fabric” of our existence
So, how do you convince yourself to keep trying? Let’s say you are just doing your best to be patient and show grace to the people who annoy you the most. Whether it’s the people who annoy you or someone bearing witness do your actions, you may just be tapping the first domino that starts a new way of life for that person. Now, you may never see those changes. You may even consider that encounter a failure because nothing ever changed in front of you, but you may never know what affect you had on that person or the people in their lives.
Pretty views also help
I just have to keep trying and continue to hope beyond hope that if I treat people the way I want to be treated and demonstrate grace, forgiveness, gentle corrections, but also admit to my own weaknesses and relate to people, always being as open as possible, others will take note and try to also be the best they can be, while acknowledging and accepting their own faults. (I think it’s very important to share personal difficulties and weaknesses – it’s super healthy for personal and community mental health).
Delphi aka Dirty Hippie Kitty and I have a LOT of imperfections
Now the other side of the coin that I struggle with on this subject is WHY are there people out there who are opposite of me? Why are there people who’s first reaction is to be mad or angry or want to incite revenge? I’ve mentioned the Monet painting in a previous post (we’re all dots of color in the world/universe and some are bright yellow, while others are muddy dark green – but we all work together to make a beautiful picture). I have since come up with another analogy. Some of us are extensor muscles while others are flexors. The joint won’t work if we are all extensors. To balance the world, we need both. But, see, this is when I go back to “why even try?”. And I spiral.
Painted this on my wall – I just LOVE me some radial symmetry
I dunno. Be the best you can be in hopes that your color will leach onto others, even if you never see it. You never know how they will treat a stranger down the road because they knew you and reconsidered a way of thinking, even if miniscule. Remember that “Hurt people hurt people”. So, the next time you wonder why someone is so cruel, try to imagine they were scarred sometime in the past and give them some grace. Also remember that misery loves company and try try try not to get sucked down the spiral that is their misery.
Maybe don’t be as crushingly influential as Maize tries to be #personalspace
I’ve been lied to by everyone. I deal with lies on a multiple-times-a-day basis (clients, kids, family, friends, media sources) Sometimes big lies. Sometimes not. But it occurred to me that I’ve gotten to the point where I can’t say that I BELIEVE anyone, but have to, instead decide whether or not to accept what they are telling me as truth (and even then, with a stink eye).
This is my “oh, really?” face.
I think that taking EVERYTHING with a grain of salt is both tragic and helpful. Yes, I have been lied to and heart broken by the people I trust most, but, also I will in depth look into something that is being flagrantly claimed. Gossip at work about one of my co-workers? I’ll question the person telling me and offer another viewpoint that doesn’t villainize that person. Shocking political claims? Just hold on a minute and let’s consider if that even makes sense. (I mean, come on, Democrats can’t get it together to agree on, let alone act on anything in unison, but somehow they’re these deep underground conspiracies that they’re controlling your life??)
Funny face. Also how you look when you spout conspiracies
Now, some of this also comes from training I received in college (even undergrad). I had an entire course that took scenarios and gave us different perspectives to teach us that the data presented to us sometimes is not the way it should be interpreted. For instance: One example I so clearly remember was the headline “Eating McDonald’s linked to poor grades in school children”. Off the bat, it makes you think that the nutritional quality of fast food is causing some sort of brain deficiency. But, like many of us learn on day 1 of science – you have to separate and isolate out the variables in order to make that the sole conclusion. In this case, you could also look at the socioeconomic factors. Children who are fed fast food are more likely lower in the socioeconomic group, meaning their parents can’t afford better foods or don’t have time to go shopping and cook and are, therefore, less likely to have time to dedicate to studies. Unless you take the exact same children, treat them the exact same way, but feed them fast food for a month and then healthy food for a month and compare scores, and factor out ANY other variables that came into play that month, you CANNOT get a conclusion from this.
Two full sisters, all variables controlled, totally different personalities because sometimes #science
Next time you hear “Research shows X is correlated with Y” don’t just accept that. This is something we learned in college (believe it or not, it wasn’t just “how to be a snowflake leftist”) – how to critically review information and decide if it’s relevant. For instance, in veterinary medicine, I’m faced with clients who say they’ve heard that vaccines/heartworm preventatives/corn/nail trims (hahaha! JK! never nail trims) are causing cancer in animals. Their proof? More dogs and cats are dying from cancer than when they were kids. My retort? “Well, animals are also living longer than they did when I was a kid. They’re not dying of parvo, distemper, parasites, heartworms, etc. So, you live longer, you’re more likely to get cancer”. Or, headline: “Birth control linked to more anxiety and depression” – truth: probably the vast majority of women of reproducing age are on some form of birth control. ALSO, mental issues in general are getting diagnosed more frequently both as we come to understand what they mean, and as we start to accept the need for help more openly. There’s probably a million other variables in this, but taking something that the majority of the population is involved with and then linking it to ANYTHING that is happening more, you could draw the same conclusions, but doesn’t make it a causation.
Because IT WILL KILL you. This is how information can be presented and mean something totally different.
So, that’s my rant on “correlation does not equal causation” there’s normally 100 variables that could be involved, which it why it is so hard to study anything – trying to exclude all but one variable to test. Another thing I wanted to talk about is what it says about us when we decide to accept a truth. Again, there is no truth (okay, there is, but what do we know?), only what we accept as truth. Therefore, what does it say about us to automatically accept the most horrific version of things – especially without any evidence? I have friends and family who still think there’s “deep state” conspiracies and “widespread election fraud” despite not a shred of evidence. What does that say that these people are in such a need for their truth to be “the truth” that they will start fights and keep hate in their hearts over something that has no backing? Or if you hear a nasty rumor about a co-worker’s past and instead of doing some VERY careful digging or ignoring it, you just accept it and continue to spread that rumor? Maybe it’s true, but what good does it do to tell everyone and have them all look at that person in a completely different light when it doesn’t do anyone any good?
Just because two things are happening at the same time doesn’t mean they are AT ALL related
And for those who will, inevitably, reply “Jesus is the truth”, you are 100% right. If we could all act more like and follow Jesus, I DO think we would find so much more happiness and peace with each other. If we follow his example to love everyone, not judge them (so you think they’re sinning? So are you. Just love them, it’s what Jesus said), show empathy, help those in need, welcome those who are persecuted, and show love and inclusion… could you even imagine a world where we truly all followed Jesus’s teaching instead of just yelled at each other about what we should and shouldn’t be doing because #sin. When you see someone who is having a hard time, it’s so easy to say “well, they made poor decisions, I made good ones, so this is all their fault” because it’s hard to say “it’s possible I’ve had better luck than them, had better opportunities, education, socialization.” or “I know I’ve made bad decisions in my life and have been lucky to get out of them”. The truth you choose to accept says a lot about the person you are.
Let’s try to live in a world where we all lift each other up. Someone is a better dresser than you? Tell them, lift them up. Someone is smarter than you? Let it go, celebrate the contributions they could be making to the world if they are celebrated and supported vs having to defend themselves or hide from shame. If we all just gave each other a pat on the back when we are doing “us” as long as it’s not hurting anyone, we could ALL be so much happier and loving and live closer to a paradise. My truth is the possibility of what we could be if we actually looked inside ourselves and loved like Jesus told us to.
Painting I did for my grandmother after her son/my youngest uncle Rick died.
Okay, maybe not a lunatic, but a sleepless, late night, pondering person.
What if…
1a: God is not a particular *person or soul, but a combination of a collective love? Like, they say “God is Love” but what if there is a literal ball of light or fire, or a huge sun that is made up of 100% pure love and our purpose for being put here is to manufacture love – kind of like “The Matrix” but better. We are faced with challenges, (or not) and the amount of love we produce despite set backs fills this ball of light with more and more love until we reach our quota and then heaven is created? Maybe people who live an easy life and create love add small amounts to the ball of light and those in harder situations produce love that is more valuable and worth more to the ball of light? I think, for me, at least, this makes me feel a little better about not being perfect. I may have a bad day and may be irritable and less patient, but that’s okay because I can only add to the love sun when I can.
And then, if you were to commit suicide, all that light you contributed gets snuffed out because all the people you helped or made happy will now be even sadder that your light was tainted.
1b: So, I’ve always struggled with why God couldn’t just make good things happen and why he allows for bad things to happen, but what if He actually cannot have any direct effect on the world? What if He can only inspire us to do things and it’s up to us to listen and do His will or deny Him and have do whatever we want? And if you listen to Him, good things happen for the world and, eventually for you, but if you don’t, things may end up fine or not. So, God is more like a puppet master (Cue “Stranger Things” guitar solo scene).
2: What if… the saliva that mosquitos inject into your skin after they suck your blood that triggers that immune reaction that so awful and itchy is actually there to STOP the bleeding so you don’t die. What if mosquitos actually really love us (or don’t want their host to die) and just want the blood to stop? Okay, maybe not, they also are the biggest killers of humans worldwide because even though they mean us love with their spit, they also are like flying dirty hypodermic needles spreading bloodborne disease.
3. Have you ever thought about how silly many of our disagreements, murders, wars, persecutions really are?? I mean, think about it. The biggest difference between the three main religions in the world is whether or not this guy, Jesus, was the savior. That’s it. One dispute, same God, different prophet/savior. Why, oh WHY does that mean we all have to kill each other? If I think a particular actor did a better job at playing a character in a movie than another actor, does that give me a right to go out and murder an entire community because they believe differently? Or change the politics of people’s lives because they don’t agree with me on cinematic artistry?? I’ve literally heard of churches fighting and splitting over whether an organ was played or a keyboard. It really is completely silly. Please STOP.
Like, seriously, what’s the likeliness my kids will be a president? Like even less than if they were a professional athlete, right?
When I was growing up and even after I was an adult and had kids, I would hear the thing about “raising the future leaders of the world” and just chucked that idea to the side because 1. I certainly was not going to be a leader – I’m average at best at everything I do. And 2. It’s just statistically unlikely that I or my children will every actually be a leader high up in the rankings. So, I never thought much of that saying and even thought it was a little hokey to say. Then, the other night, I was lying in bed, unable to sleep, letting my mind wander when this idea came upon me.
What if that saying does not literally mean that we could be raising the next US president or diplomat or religious leader? What if it just meant that we are raising people who will influence other people throughout their life? I think that sounds much more important. Like every child has the opportunity to influence those around them and, therefore be a leader.
The idea that I, as a single person in a world of billions, can influence the world to be a better place is, at least, slightly less of a daunting and crushing idea if you imagine that every person you come in contact with can be influenced to be a better person, even if they don’t show it right away. But, then imagine your creating little clones of yourself, little helpers (children, not robots) that can then go out and spread the same message as they were raised (after they come back from the dark side of the moon, anyways). If you can influence, let’s say 10 people, now with 3 kids, you and them can get 40. And if they each have 3 kids now, we’ve influenced 100 people to be better.
Obviously, this is all speculative. My kids could resent me for some reason or get into drugs or “the wrong crowd” and not follow this path. Or I could be crazy and just be perpetuating the crazy by spreading it with my kids, but for now, for the idea that we are raising leaders of the world, even if they’re small leaders who spread the love, lets just imagine that everyone does this, and so a multitude of very small leaders leads to a large change and better society.
Oops, they all got pregnant…
So, let’s raise our children to be those (small group) leaders who can influence others to do the right thing and to make a better world for themselves. I think that is a much more attainable and worthy goal for our kids. When I think about parenting in those terms, I feel like I’m doing a little more for the world by trying to hold in my temper or fly off the handle about something without the proper pause and introspection. (I still lose my temper with them sometimes, no worries). I try to make sure I treat strangers with respect and give them the benefit of the doubt. I try to quell my children’s anger when they are mad at each other or another kid at school and try to make them think about the situation from the other side or even consider that they may be mistaken in what they perceived happened. I’ve been pretty impressed with their perception of right and wrong in situations, understanding that they are all still very young and sweet.
Things they do that makes me proud of who they are right now: Calvin was having his birthday party to turn 5 recently and when asked who he wanted to invite, his very first people on his list were India and Oscar’s best friends because he “wanted India and Oscar to have a fun time”. Oscar consistently makes sure that others around him are taken care of (when he’s not fighting with his siblings). If there’s candy offered and Calvin or India aren’t there, he will make sure to give some of his candy to them when he finally sees them. He traded one of his toys for another toy he knew Calvin had wanted and surprised him with it.
India, our precious baby girl, is not our sweetest kid, she has been known to be on the spicy side (pummeled a boy with a hippity-hop in kindergarten who was picking on her and the other day threatened any imaginary person who is picking on Oscar in the future) but she’s very fair and responsible, volunteering to help the boys or us to make our lives easier. India has also been more curious in civil rights lately, asking if I think black people are equal to white and then wants to know why other people don’t think they are. I get to take that opportunity to educate her about how awful white people were to black people and see her astonishment that that was ever a thing. Then she asks about last names and I get to discuss how women were also once thought of as “less than”. It hurts to have to educate her on these things but hopefully, it will open her eyes to modern day injustices and continue to spread love and acceptance and that’s all I can ask for.
And, yes, we HAVE talked to India about our vast preference for non-violence. We have talked with her about calling for help, getting an adult, calling 911, all before getting physical.
So, the next time you are worried about your child maybe not being presidential material, and are wondering how on earth you are supposed to influence the world with little ol’, regular you, just imagine creating a loving, caring being in your child who will one day grow up to be someone special to every person they encounter. That your child could be an extension of your own love and and desire for peace and unity. Our children are, literally, the future. We won’t be around in the next 100 years, so let’s make sure our values are continued on and grow even as we wither and pass.
I was recently floored when I learned something new. I mean, I get that they say you learn something new everyday, but some are more disturbing than others. I admit to be pretty naïve about most things. I don’t like sad or scary movies because they affect me for weeks to months, I’ve only been with one man (Biblically) my whole life, I didn’t start drinking until I was of legal age, and was scared by our D.A.R.E. program as a child and am convinced that if I try drugs in any fashion, I will immediately become addicted and sucked into a vortex of waking up in my own vomit and prostitution. So, it’s no surprise that I was the only one in the treatment area at my clinic who was even remotely surprised by this, but I was and felt the need to discuss this with you all.
Life used to just be Birthday cakes and kittens..
We had a puppy in our clinic who was sick. He was a VERY cute puppy, a “morkie” or a Maltese X Yorkie … a “designer breed” if you’re fancy and optimistic, a “mixed breed” or “mutt” if you’re honest. (I’ll get to this later, don’t get too mad yet) These owners obtained this adorable mutt from Puppy City for a whopping $2500! I mean, I get supply and demand, but sheesh! Aaaaaannnnnddd this puppy came with the dreaded and deadly disease, Parvovirus. (Others from that same shop have come with Giardia or coccidia – both parasites that are difficult to treat and typically come from a dirty living situation – ie – the breeder) This is where it gets me; the owners did not have the money to properly treat the puppy because they didn’t even have the money to purchase the puppy in the first place. Puppy City will FINANCE people to buy a puppy they already can’t afford.
Daphne – Standard Poodle puppy purchased from an incredibly careful breeder – parents prescreened for hip, elbow, Addison’s disease (common in Poodles), etc.
I get it, Veterinary care is expensive and, even for responsible owners, can get out of the budget. I mean, honestly, if I found out my 10 year-old large breed dog had bad cancer, I’m not going to be the one who drops thousands of dollars to give him/her an extra 4-18 months – I have three kids to raise and have to set my priorities. And I get it when a cat or dog finds you and sticks with you as a stray and you do your best, but just cannot afford that cruciate tear (ACL in humans) surgery ($5000-8000) and have to keep your dog on pain meds the rest of his life instead. What I DON’T understand is PURCHASING an animal when you don’t have the money in the first place. This goes for dogs, cats, cows, horses, etc, but also for exotics. Little tip for all you who suddenly can’t live without a sugar glider: find a vet that will treat your species of choice BEFORE having one shipped to you from Bangladesh – or where ever your exotic desire comes from – the closest *knowledgeable* vet may be 3-4 hours away and cost $300 just for the exam – it takes a special specialist to know what they’re doing for these guys.
Exotic Shoe Beans – Just kitten!
People who accidentally get pregnant and have to live on government programs to help keep their little one alive and healthy are one thing – crap (errr, blessings) happens – but willingly going to purchase or even “rescue” an animal without the funds to take care of it (and there are no government programs to help) is downright irresponsible and frankly, not rescuing, just relocating. What typically happens in the scenario, is instead of owning up their irresponsibility, these owners will turn on the vet and use something called emotional blackmail to try to get what they want.
Dan, the clinic cat working on emotional blackmail – if I loved him, I would feed him my sandwich
“What?? It’s going to be around $1000 to treat my puppy for parvo – a perfectly preventable disease with a simple vaccine series that I refused/forgot to get or tried to give myself from the feed store?? You monster, YOU are killing my puppy!! YOU are to blame for my irresponsibility!!” “So, I refused to get my female spayed because I read something on the internet, and now she has a giant sack of pus taking up her abdomen and rotting from the inside, and it’s going to cost $1500 or she’ll die??? You money hungry B**** even though it would have only been $250 to spay her on a regular appointment and not in the middle of the night when you have to call in extra staff in overtime, take up your time with your family, and when the dog is crashing and needs all sorts of extras to keep her stable during a PERFECTLY preventable disease” “Yes, I bought an English Bulldog for $5000 having no idea that they suffer almost every and any disease under the sun and will cost at least $1000/year to keep up with, especially when I don’t heed your advice and come back every 6 months with all the problems out of control again”
Merlin – lots of care through his life – He was worth it though. RIP
Any who, whether you adopt or shop, just make sure you are doing it responsibly. I’ve had several owners bring in a puppy they purchased and told me that after seeing the conditions at the breeder when they picked them up, they felt more like they were rescuing them. Unfortunately, if you are giving the breeder money, you are supporting their breeding program, only to breed more puppies and get more money. If you are truly concerned about the condition, call Animal Control. Don’t support their function. There are REALLY good breeders out there who actually care about the quality of the dogs they are producing, not just the color or size, or just because they have a boy dog and a girl dog and want to make money. There are breeders who actually have their breeding stock checked for common diseases like OFA certification to make sure they have genetically good hips and elbows, heart tests, full genetic screens to make sure your dog will live as long as possible. They also only breed the dogs that have the best personalities for the purpose they are bred for. Personality is very heritable and if you go to pick up a puppy and the mom or dad it barking it’s head off on the end of a leash and you can’t touch it, or cowering in the corner with “whale eyes” walk away, you don’t want that disaster. These wonderful breeders will charge more than what you can find in the “for sale” section of the paper, but they are SO much more worth it, and 3-4x less than the “designer” breeds – which *tend to have ZERO testing or care taken. *I’m sure there are very careful breeders of Doodles, but I haven’t met them.
Mastiff with a FANTASTIC personality
Last note: animals are for life. If you get a dog/cat, you’ll need to understand that every time you move you will need to find a pet-friendly place. If you decide you need a tortoise or African Grey parrot – you’ll need to leave them in your will to someone as they may outlive you.
I am a scientist, a doctor, a believer in the centuries of scientific methods and reasoning that have gone back and forth to come to our, though still learning, very sophisticated and successful medical advancements. I am also a believer in God. Go figure.
I do NOT, at all, like politicians or care what they have to say about science, as they know little to none of what experts have spent their lives studying and perfecting.
Scientists and researchers are not rich people and do not benefit much at all compared to their toils for the great things they do and come up with.
There will be individuals in every profession who think radically and do not go with the vast majority of evidence or research findings – this cannot be helped, but the one outlier is MUCH less likely to have the right answer than the 99% of the others. That’s just statistics.
Politics should NEVER have an influence on science and how the people are presented with facts – this is dangerous and irresponsible. (Besides, political parties are like football teams and the voters can be like the fanatical fanbase. Tom Brady is, like, the best quarterback, but people hated him because he played for the Patriots. He can play for your least favorite team, but this does not retract from the fact that he is, currently, the best. The same idea extends to a fantastic vaccine coming out and because your political base says it’s bad when the science says it’s not, is just down right irresponsible, and even murderous.)
Political party hatred.
So, that being out of the way, lets talk conspiracies (I’ve actually heard – like, for reals) surrounding the science.
First conspiracy: “The Government wants you to get vaccinated because they make money off your getting the vaccine.” Okay, this doesn’t make sense at all. The vaccine is currently free. The government is paying for the vaccine for everyone. I’m sure this will have an expiration date, however, and once they feel everyone has had a reasonable window to get vaccinated, they will stop paying for it and the pharmaceutical companies will charge whatever they want.
All family members over 5: Vaccinated – for free!
Second: “The hospitals are making up COVID death diagnosis to get more money from the government.” The government IS subsidizing hospitals for COVID cases whether they die or not because the cost to treat COVID is ridiculously expensive with the intensive care patients require: the isolation protocol and days to weeks of oxygen which can be charged by the hour. Many people don’t have insurance or insurance isn’t covering all of it, so costs go to tax payers – which seems to be another good reason to get that free vaccine. The hospitals are NOT making up COVID diagnosis to get the subsidies, however, that is fraud and a serious violation that could lead to license loss and/or litigation that no one wants to deal with. It is true that some people have other disease processes and then contract COVID which brings them over the edge. Some may argue that COVID didn’t kill these people, that they were sick with other things already, but their other disease processes were controlled, being maintained carefully through medications, diet, therapy, etc, then they got COVID, and their body couldn’t take it anymore. So, without COVID, these people could have lived another several years to decades.
Facts all jumbled get hard to decipher
Third: “The government is pushing the vaccine because there’s a microchip in it and they can, then track your every movement.” Do you have a phone? They don’t need a microchip in your body because you willingly carry one in your pocket at all times. Also microchips are huge – like the size of a rice grain and you would need a MUCH larger needle. Also, how would they differentiate which vaccines had the chip in them? The first vaccine? The booster?
Removed arm to remove microchip – JK
Fourth: “The government invented this virus to kill the population.” OR “The government is pushing the vaccine because they know it will kill us”…. *crickets* Does this make sense to anyone? If everyone dies, who will pay their taxes? How does having less people benefit the government? We DO know the government is also made up of people – people who are also susceptible to the virus, right?
Wolf in Grandma’s clothing
Fifth: Not so much of a conspiracy as just very bad information being propagated: “The vaccine is experimental and developed too fast” The vaccine for viruses like COVID has been in development for many years – now that there is a need for them, they already had all the parts, they just needed to assemble. The trials vaccines are required to go through were also all completed. The vaccine is safe. Like 1000x safer than the disease. Everyone talks about how harmless the virus is “it’s just the flu” even though almost 800,000 people have died in the US, but even with the only 1.6% death rateT, the vaccine is 1000x safer, with a death rate of 0.0022%. So, if you love your neighbor, get vaccinated.
T: Current COVID deaths in the US is 793,958 with 48,643,963 cases. Therefore, death rate is deaths/cases= 0.016 x 100 = 1.6% deaths. For fun, I looked up some PAST flu data since people are claiming Flu doesn’t seem as bad because everyone is reporting COVID now. In 2017-2018 Flu cases was 41,000,000, flu deaths were 52,000. Deaths/cases= 0.0013×100 = 0.13% deaths. In other words, no, COVID is not just like the flu, you are 10X more likely to die from COVID.
My brother preparing to paint my basement ceiling – not appropriate fit for dealing with COVID patients
In conclusion, this virus is costing the government a LOT of money – between subsidizing hospitals for the increased costs, paying for vaccine development from multiple companies and continued vaccination of the public, not to mention the cut to the economy with 700,000 less available workers and trying to keep the remaining people safe with closures. None of this would benefit the government in any way. It just doesn’t make sense to think of the virus or the vaccine as a conspiracy.
Nuff said
To end this segment, I’m going to steal a story my dad told me recently. He has retired from working 31 years at Warner Robins Air Force base (civilian) and has since been picked up by a large Department of Defense contractor to keep up his good work (whatever that is, we don’t talk about it – which works out because I don’t tell him what I do either…. because he’d vomit). Any who, he was talking to a guy at one of the facilities and they were just talking the typical weather, football, small talk, then my dad went to walk away when the guy said “Hey, what do you think this whole COVID vaccine? Kinda crazy isn’t it?” My dad said, “Listen, I’m vaccinated and here’s why; my momma is 91 years old and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I thought even for a moment that I got her sick and caused her to die. Let me tell you another thing, I’ve been on a military base for 31 years before I started here, and working around all of those soldiers who spent time overseas getting shot at, giving up large chunks of their lives with loved ones, risking their lives every single day, sometimes living in hot, miserable conditions for months to years for people they don’t even know, just to keep them safe. I thought, a vaccine was a pretty small sacrifice I could make for my fellow American.”
I listened to a great and eye opening sermon this Sunday (at home folding laundry). The basic message was that we need to remember to be a light for people – giving them inspiration and making them feel loved – instead of trying to convince them what is technically right (their doing wrong) but meanwhile hurting them. The example he gave was that age-old story of the woman being brought before Jesus to be stoned for adultery. Jesus could have just as easily let her get stoned to death and been technically right according to the old testament, but, instead, he chose grace and shined the light on her.
I know very much that I have been guilty of trying to force people into my interpretation of right – social issues, medical issues, political issues. But what I need to be doing is spreading the light of love. I have struggled so much with dealing with our current atmosphere and trying to decide when to comment on something, knowing I’m not going to change anyone’s opinion, and when to just let it go and try to be that happy person.
I have found that much of my depression and anxiety is linked to what’s going on in the world and why people are being so stubborn as well as all the negative energy and messages people are openly sharing. My friend sent me a meme that basically says that back in the day before internet and social media, we would only occasionally get hit in the face with bad news, but now that we have access to everything all the time, the amount of bad news is just overwhelming and we’re likely not made to deal with that much. I just need to let it all go. If people don’t want to listen to what the experts are saying and self medicating or denying doctor’s recommendations, then there’s no way what I say will matter. It’s like we say in the veterinary world ‘You can’t care more about your patient than they (client) do”
If people want to spew hatred toward things that are harmless but it makes them feel uncomfortable, I can’t change that. I just need to let it go. But, for sure stand up for someone if you know it’s directed to hurt that person. If I think people are sinning and going against Jesus’s teachings, I cannot change them, I cannot make them a project – that’s all for me, all selfish. But, I can show them love even through it and hope that through my love and support they will also see the light and come around to doing good.
I’m 100% guilty of posting things that are not constructive just to prove a point or make fun of someone for their science denial. But I would like to start anew and ask that you do too. Remember ALL the people who will see your message and if you can think of one person it might offend, don’t do it. Let’s also stop making fun of people for being offended and calling each other snowflakes. Literally everyone is offended by something, so making fun of others for being offended by something is only creating more hate and division in the world.
As far as being Christian goes, you may feel the need to make proclamations directly toward someone or in a general statement that individuals are “sinning”, but as Jesus said, “Let the sinless cast the first stone”. We need to show EVERYONE love (except like mass murderers of child abusers, etc) or they will see that we are Christian, only feeling the hate and rejection we are saying our God will show and that just makes them turn away from the light. You can’t save someone whom you have already rejected as wrong. We are all sinners, but God loves us all.
Sometimes I blur the line when I comment on something to give a different light or to politely correct misinformation, but it’s gotten harder and harder with people being anti-evidence based medicine. I try sometimes to stop the anger and fear before it gets out of hand. I really wish people would exercise their brakes more than their gas pedal. In other words, if you see something that seems offensive, makes you angry, get riled up, etc, STOP. Question the information, do a quick internet search for unbiased information (though I understand that is really hard), think about what is being claimed. Does that make sense? Is there an important part of the story that’s being omitted? Don’t just take the information from a meme and run with it, causing inflammatory reactions and a domino effect of false information. False information can be like juicy gossip that is fun to share and get others riled up like you, but it’s not the Christian thing to do.
One example of this out of control freaking out: My friend is running for school board and when she went out to talk to people about what they want to see, she met one person who said she heard the schools were going to be replacing Math with critical race theory. My first reaction was to laugh super hard. This information makes no sense, is completely preposterous, and perpetuates the fear and hatred that people suck up like a dry sponge. Just stop, think, criticize, ask God, then move on. If you don’t 100% know it’s true, don’t spread it. Be the light. Lead others out of the dark areas of their brain to analyze and be with God and His light.
There’s plenty of toxicity in the world without spreading lies and hurtful things that will just cause more fear and hatred. Let’s be better, let’s be the light. What ever religion or nonreligion you are, this can be achieved just by being a good and thoughtful person. Love others and forgive others like you would yourself. Give them the benefit of the doubt and if they’re no hurting anyone, let it go. Don’t be a bully. BE. THE. LIGHT.
Love you all, sorry for the rambling post. I’m just 24 hours out of anesthesia and a tad loopy. (had laparoscopic diagnostics done looking for endometriosis and all they found was endosalpingiosis – no clue what that means, but it’s nice to not be in constant pain as long as my post surgery drugs last)
