Dear my doctor, Human Doctor, HD
I really appreciate your devotion to figuring out my health – both physical and mental – and your taking the time to really listen to me and address my biggest concerns – “no, it’s probably not a brain tumor haha!” – even though I had already taken out an extra life insurance policy. I was even excited when you told me that you didn’t think I was on the right medication for my mental struggles and that you were optimistic that switching to a different medication would better address my issues of anxiety (perhaps a reason for the additional life insurance reaction to my headaches?). We planned to wean down the dose of my medication slowly – you know, so I didn’t die – and it would take about 3-4 weeks to get it out of my system before we could start with the new one. I walked out of the clinic enthusiastic that my perspective on life would be a little sunnier in the future.
Then, slowly, as my day went on, I began to realize at what point my body would be completely devoid of medication to stabilize my emotions… Election week. Good timing, HD.
My anxiety started with the birth of my second child in 2014 and has only continued to get worse through the third child and then the turmoil between friends and family over politics despite counselling, exercise, good diet. I used to picture me, dropping Oscar as an infant and then just vividly picturing his busting his head open, vividly feeling the emotions that would come with it. Picturing our trip to the hospital and how I would feel at his funeral. This extended to Tony, picturing him falling from the barn when he was feeding the animals and dying – continue with long emotional “daydreaming”.
The worst was once, when I was nursing Calvin in the recliner in our home, should have been a beautiful moment between a mother and her infant in the early hours of the morning, everything was quiet and I was just loving his tiny, soft, warm body against mine when the nightmare entered my mind. I imagined how it would feel if I were living as a Jewish person in the Holocaust and was trying to hide with this baby when the Nazis were looking for people and shooting all they found hiding. What if Calvin was crying and I couldn’t get him to stop?? The long drives I would be on for farm calls would just add fuel to the fire as I was alone with my thoughts for 1.5 hours at a time.
I have grown up absolutely convinced that if I tried hard enough, used my attuned introspection and was honest with myself, that I could get to the root of the problem and address it. I also believed that I just needed to get enough exercise, eat right, and generally take care of myself and I wouldn’t need medication. I, admittedly, thought that people on medication for their mental issues were just not trying hard enough.
Eventually, though, despite my being able to look at my life from the outside and think “I’ve actually got it pretty good – loving husband, three healthy children, financial stability” the dark, suicidal thoughts slowly started to creep in.
Karma, am I right?
Finally, I sought out a therapist who helped me immensely, but eventually, I still required medication. I fought and fought her and myself with the idea of starting medication. I thought it was practically giving up. Rolling over, becoming lazy, and needing a crutch. I also was afraid that it would change my personality. But it didn’t. Through all of my guilt at being on this medication which increased serotonin (hormone that makes you feel right with the world) levels in my brain that was just not producing enough on it’s own, I complained to my vet mom’s group as we sometimes vent to each other, and someone commented something that changed my whole outlook on this issue.
She said, “Medication for depression/anxiety is no different than a diabetic who needs insulin to survive. A diabetic’s body just doesn’t make enough of the insulin hormone and we just don’t make enough of the serotonin. You wouldn’t judge a diabetic for using insulin because they just weren’t ‘trying hard enough'”
Sometimes, though, the medication you are put on is not quite the right one for you. So, after 3 years of being on Prozac, I’m now clean… and absolutely miserable. I cannot wait to start my new medication this weekend. This past 2 weeks has been absolute torture on my body – mentally and physically. I’m having to take the rescue anti-anxiety medication my HD prescribed on a nightly basis (don’t worry, it’s just an antihistamine). Last night, I felt like my chest was caving in, every single sudden or loud sound made me angry. I wanted to yell, I wanted to cry – for no reason. I just wanted to curl up in a ball, but was too restless for that.
So, Sunday, I start a new medication – Lexapro. Truly, I am very grateful for my doctor’s efforts. I’m sure he didn’t plan to switch my medication during this turmoil. And he couldn’t possibly know that this would also be the time that my sweet Merlin and my oldest cat, Delphi would be starting to go down hill and euthanasia would be on the table for both. I’m sure he was just excited to get me on a better medication to make me feel like a more normal person. And for that, I’ll forgive his timing =)
Please, if you even think you may need help, seek it out. Even just a therapist – even if only on Zoom or whatever – you’re not broken. People don’t talk about their issues because they are afraid of how others will see them. You could have, literally, everything going for you and can still have a hormone deficiency that causes you to think negative thoughts and even hate yourself. Don’t even start with that “back in the day” crap either – back in the day, no one talked about it, instead, they just drank themselves into oblivion, became abusive to their families, or got institutionalized.
We are a very intelligent species and are, therefore, more prone to thinking. Thinking can be great when it is aimed in the right direction, but can also be downright dangerous if it veers in the wrong direction. Therapists and medication can keep your thoughts on track. Hormones are ridiculously influential things. Don’t think you can outsmart them.
Seek help!
I’m glad you have been getting help! I’ve been in therapy for upwards of 20 years and on an anti-depressant (first Paxil, now Lexapro) for most of those years, and it’s the best money and time I have ever spent on myself. I am happy you are doing the same.
May the Lexapro be good for your brain as it has been for mine.
Thank you for your candor Emily. I too suffer anxiety and take meds for it. The more we talk about these issues, the more the stigma will go away!
I now realize why you were my favorite on Dr. Pol, it is your relationship building, your calm attention to the human pet as well as the patient.
Bless you for the analogy using Insulin vs Anti-depressent, this really puts it in perspective. Take care, enjoy your littles (the human ones), they grow so fast and know that you are all in my prayers.
Thank you Dr. Emily for your story with honesty and truth! It must have been difficult to write this. For so long there has been a stigma about mental health, that yes, we should suck it up or just go have a drink. I have been in therapy for years and started meds this year(stupid COVID), and it has been trial and error for me. I am at least able to eat and carry on with my day…the anxiety is still there but it is more manageable. I hope Lexapro works for you, and that you are feeling better soon! ❤️
I so love and appreciate your transparency!! You are on the right path. I’m 62 and old enough to be your mom, but I have been where you are. Trust me when I say you are doing all the right things and you WILL get better. God is aware of this journey on and, if you will allow Him, He will offer you comfort and healing!! And YES!! Medication is important! Much love to you from Georgia!
Love to ALL WHO SUFFER MENTALLY. It IS PHYSICAL & CAN BE HELPED. Keep TRYING Meds. with Your Doc. Until You find the one that HELPS, NO MATTER HOW LONG IT TAKES. We LOVE YOU, Dr. Emily & ALL of You Who are attempting to gain mental health. God is Our Father & is ALWAYS THERE to show Us HOW TO GET HELP. OverComing is possible, with Help!😍
Thank you for sharing. It will make a difference in someone’s life. We take all kinds of medicine to keep us healthy mentally and physically. You should not feel bad about it.
“… I thought it was practically giving up. Rolling over, becoming lazy, and needing a crutch.” I absolutely recognize the thought mode; sounds exactly like what I was going through a million years ago. I had gotten back from my third tour in Vietnam and was having the stereotyped problems. My doc had to really work hard to convince me that I wasn’t just giving in and being a little tougher and less self-indulgent would do the trick. Thank my luck for a Dr. who was very persuasive and good. Just take the darn pills. The amazing thing is I really am a whole lot tougher now. Not nearly so brittle about “things”.
Thank You for My FreeDom!!!
Thank you for your unflinching honesty and forthrightness. This will be a great help to many, myself included. Medication is NOT a crutch.
Thank you for your honesty.. i wish more people would open up when they have a problem, whether it be physical, or emotional…i have friends who keep everything inside, but i am just the opposite. i vent whenever anyone will listen.. i am sure it helps.. take care, and just know you are loved and respected….
So glad you are taking care of yourself! I had a brother who required medication in order to function. There are times when it is the only thing that helps you get through the day. Thank you for your candor and for sharing this with us.
You are awesome!!!!! Thanks for sharing!!! ♥♥♥♥
I admire your honesty and bravery. Depression is a hard subject to explain to people who don’t suffer from it. I’ve been asked “why can’t you just get over it”. My answer has always been “there is nothing I want more than to be able to get over it. Do you think I want to live/feel this way?” I didn’t understand why I felt the way I felt til I finally went to counseling. I fought going on medication but finally agreed and it changed everything. Then my sons both began to suffer. One chose counseling and medication. He is doing great, living on his own and enjoying his life.The other chose alcohol. He now lives with us and is waiting for a liver/kidney transplant. I’m happy to see more people talk about mental health problems and treatments. Hopefully it will inspire someone who needs help to get it. Thank you Dr. E.
You are such an inspiration and very brave to share this personal info You will make it through all of this.
So many people will appreciate reading this. Bravo to one brave gal!
You are so right dear. No one thinks less of you for needing help. I sure did after I lost my mom. Then again after my dad passed. I cried about anything and everything. They finally got me on zoloft, and I was glad. So don’t ever think you will be judged for it. We all need help at some point.
Thank you for your transparency and candor. The insight you provided is so helpful. There is plenty of mental illness in our adopted kids that the wife and I have some understanding, but probably not enough. This was a very helpful post. I will add you and Tony to my prayer list.
My granddaughter started with anxiety and depression at age 16. She was hospitalized on three different occasions until she finally had genetic testing to find the right combination of medications that would work for her. She is a talented musician/singer and managed to complete all her school courses and graduated on time even though school administrators said she couldn’t possibly do it! She is now so happy and knows to take her meds. She is freshman at a prestigious university and doing great! Praying you find what works for you. ❤️
Thank you for being so open. I was diagnosed with anxiety/depression also. I just remember when the Prozac kicked in, each day I felt less physically sick and gradually became happy and positive. I’ve been on Prozac for thirty years. Thank God for my doctors. Never want to be in that dark place in my life again. You will get better and never feel bad about taking a God given medicine. ❤️
The woman who mentioned diabetes made me think. I have been on Paxil for 20 years now and it sure has helped me. I just wonder why when you are on meds to control depression and anxiety they says mental health and all people think we are crazy when we say the meds we are on but the woman who mentioned it is like being a diabetic who needs insulin is right. Just wish there was a different phrase from Mental Health.
Read your blog with great interest. Depression plagued me since I was 18. In 2006 I had to stop working being diagnosed with severe depression. I was 55 at the tine and finally agreed to get medication (one week meeting with my doctor and the next week with my therapist, for 6 months – luckily it was covered by my company insurance). It change my life. No more impression of carrying the world on my shoulder and wanting to jump of a bridge. I am not ashamed to say that I have medication for depression. It is a fact and I am entitled to enjoy life . Good luck wih your new med. Hope it is the good one. My 30 mg does wonder for me. (Hope you understand what I tried to convey as I am French speaking Canadian).
What a wonderful post! I also have depression I know what you’re going through with the medicines just want to say I love you and stay safe
Praying for your new meds to work.
And thank you for being honest.
Thank you for being so brave and sharing. You are not alone. Hang in there and know others are praying for you !
What a courageous person you are. As a retired therapist I can tell you that taking medication is not a sign of weakness. It takes great strength to admit to yourself that you need outside help to put balance in your mental health. I believe your willingness to describe your mental health journey will help others that are going through this type of issue. Thank you putting yourself out there for others to see that they are nit alone.
If it were possible I would like to hug you and applaud your taking care of you! Thank you for sharing and letting others know it is ok to seek help. Hoping that the new meds are the right ticket for you.
You’re willing to share may just save someone’s life. Kudos to you.
As many others have said –
Thank you for honesty – I truly hope the new medication will do what you need it to do!
You are a strong and special person – sharing your issues will truly help many others deal
with their problems!
God bless you. You are absolutely correct.
Thank you so much for being brave enough to write that. You are so right that we still have a long way to go before we see emotional/ mental health the same way we see physical health. Needing help and/ or medication to be healthy, whether it’s physical, emotional, or mental health, is nothing to be embarrassed about. I wish you all the happiness and joy you so much deserve and struggle to enjoy. Stay safe and healthy.
Happy you found some answers for yourself Emily. We all need help at times. I have had similar fears as you described, but was afraid to tell anyone what I was thinking. Your blog tells me I’m not alone, strange or going insane. Thank you Emily.
Dr. Emily, thank you for this post. I have struggled with mental health since pregnancy about FOUR years ago when my hormones decided to flip a light switch in my head and no one can figure out how to switch it back. I rarely ever comment on posts ever but I just wanted to thank you for putting yourself out there. It helps even just to know you’re not the only one who gets lost in thoughts because I have literally had the same thoughts you posted about. You have no idea how many people you probably just made feel a little better. I loved watching you on Dr. Pol you were my favorite, I love following you on here. I hope things get better.
I have a little different perspective I would like to share. First of all thank you for sharing your struggle. I think we all learn from each other. My story is one of the person in a relationship with someone struggling with depression. We are no longer a couple ( this happed 36 years ago, and I am happily married to the love of my life for 34 yrs). I struggled in that relationship, as my girlfriend would get suicidal at times. I cared a lot about her, but after a year or so, I was starting to get paranoid about finding her dead one day. I sought help. She was seeing a psychiatrist for many years. They kept trying different medications, but they would suddenly stop working. I found out through consoling that while I cared for her, it was not a healthy relationship for both of us. By talking to her psychiatrist together, We gently broke up, and remain friends still today, She and I moved on, we both married others, but I think the help we both received made us better people. My wife knows her and understands why I keep in touch.
I just wanted to share this as a lot of times, there are multiple victims related to depression.
You are amazing and very courageous to bare your soul. I’ve experienced every word, thought and feeling you’ve mentioned. I’ve been on Zoloft for years and thought, hmmm, I’m feeling pretty good so thought I could take myself off it, didn’t need it. Until I started crying over every little thing and started feeling like everybody was mad at me. I knew then I needed to go back on it and know I’ll be on it the rest of my life. Am doing much better, again. Hang in there, you got this!
I am so happy you were able to talk to someone who was also able to help you. This is a difficult time right now and we all need some kind of help.
I take an antidepressant myself and it has helped me stay stable in my emotions. It has not changed my personality in the slightest but has given me relief from mood swings.
I am praying that you get great relief on Lexipro. My friend has been on it for quite some time and she has had wonderful results. God loves you and his hand of healing is upon you.
Thank you for your honesty.
I have traveled the same road. I congratulate you for your success in finding the right therapist for you and in realizing the need to adjust your medication. My daughter also has lived with clinical depression (apparently it’s a family thing), and she was initially reluctant to take any medication. She felt defective and inadequate. We talked a lot and shared our mutual anxieties. I believe that parenting a child on the autism spectrum helped her to better understand that everyone’s brain works in a different (not better – not worse) way and that through medical miracles, we can work to be our best selves. I’m rooting for you!
Vet school is tough. It teaches vet students to be adaptable and think on the fly. Somehow for too many of us, that translates into seeing the need to accept help for mental illness, including medication as a weakness. The total opposite is true. Admitting to needing and then seeking out help is a sign of strength. If only more of us would talk about our experiences perhaps some of the stigma would fade away. Thank you for sharing your story.
Gosh sweetie, I had no idea you were having a bad time. If it will give you any encouragement, I’ve been on Prozac since 1995 and I am so grateful for it. Gone is all that misery I used to live with. It’s been so lovely to be free and be happy. I hope for you to be free of your misery!
I’m truly happy to know you’re going to be taking Lexapro. I was on Prozac for a while, not a long while though, because it made me severely irrational and I wanted to kill myself, or someone because I was just so very miserable. I’m taking Seroquel now, have been for a few months. I still battle with thoughts of killing myself, but definitely not as often as when I was on Prozac. I think I want to change, but I’ll talk to the psychiatrist later this month. Best of everything to and for you, sweet Emily!
Gracie
Wishing you all the best !
Thank you for sharing this, it’s such an important message! Your friend’s insulin comparison is spot-on. I hope your path with Lexapro starts to help immediately, and eases you through this awkward “transition-of-President.”
Sometimes our lack of hormones really suck, and then our bodies can just decide “nope, I’m going to stop absorbing at least half of that medication you’ve been taking for five years…see how you like them apples”, and you have to try the enth number of different antidepressants. Those anxious and catastrophic thoughts can really try to take over sometimes and finding the right medication can be a lifelong challenge, as I’m discovering. I think having an active imagination can sometimes be a bit of a curse too. I wonder if there is a hereditary link there as well, as both my children suffer anxiety and depression to various degrees, my mother did and my father probably did too, as they were both extremely heavy drinkers and my sibling and I grew up in a house full of domestic violence which was hidden behind closed doors. (I’m happy to say even though I believe alcoholism is a gene, I’ve dodged that bullet, and learned to parent my kids – as a single mother – by not using my parent’s playbook – I made my own, and my kids did not repeat the cycle. Go me – I’ll take those wins every time and celebrate them.) Being able to speak freely about it in today’s society is a very good thing.
As always, it’s lovely to hear from you and see your life. Your humour (I’m Aussie, I spell words differently) always makes my day, and your ability to be succinct in explaining things is a breath of fresh air. I also especially loved your Cat Lady costume.
I’m sorry about Merlin and Delphi and I know they had the best lives ever with your family. Sending sympathy when their passing comes. Air hugs and lots of strength sent your way.
I applaud you for your honesty and openness about your journey seeking answers and treatment for your mental health. Thanks for sharing your story. I too suffer from depression and anxiety. By sharing your journey I know it will help others.
Thank you for sharing your struggle. I have been on medication for quite some time now and have started seeing a therapist, via ZOOM of course. I pray for all of us who have trouble handling our mental health problems.
I’ve been taking Lexapro for two years now. I started taking it because of a situation in my life where I had a legitimate reason to be sad. I had been told by doctors before that I might need an antidepressant, but resisted because I truly thought like you that it was something I should be able to control myself. But when this situation came up, I knew I needed something. I did try to stop it a year ago, but almost immediately I realized that indeed, I did have a real condition. If I had not been on medication, I would not have been able to tell the difference in how my body felt without it. An actual heaviness. I think sometimes we need help and I’m grateful it’s there.
Thank you for this. I am taking Lexapro and Wellbutrin for anxiety along with panic attack. These medications have helped me immensely but I never talk about my mental health due to the stigma attached to it.
You have helped me realize that I’m not alone and it’s okay to feel this way as well as
take medications to help our mental health.
My panic attacks were so debilitating that I thought I was going to die and the Lexapro has helped me so much
Oh my dear sweet Emily. What a joy you are to all God’s creatures, including and especially to us flawed humans. You remind me so much of myself at that age. You’re the age of my three daughters. I had many of the same issues with my emotions and during the ‘70’s there wasn’t good meds for this. I never wanted to take anything for the same reasons you didn’t. And I am so “ultra” sensitive that sometimes I can’t even discuss recycling without bawling! Haha. My love for ALL creatures is so extreme it seems irrational to others. So I’ve been taking WellbutrinXL mornings and Lexapro evenings (Lexapro keeps me from crying so outrageously). I have also taken Pristiq mornings, which worked as well.
It seems like my brain has always been in overdrive. I don’t know about you but that has always given me a problem at night when I’m supposed to go to sleep. Thankfully God loves all of us, no matter how flawed or weird. At least we’re not too normal and dull. You, on the other hand, are “special”. A unique human being that is not only a wonderful wife and mother, but an exceptional “healer”. I’m sure you have NO idea how many thousands of people you have positively impacted while you were with Dr Pol. You were the perfect addition of personality between Dr Brenda and Dr Pol. I couldn’t wait for each new episode. I wish you the very best in your new life and future, but the selfish side of me wishes you had stayed a part of our lives (your tv audience) from now on. It was a joy to watch you work and share your family with us. I will miss you and yours terribly. (And I cannot imagine you not taking care of horses and cows.)
I do understand your love of the mountains.
Take my advice…relax and realize that as you age, wisdom will replace anxiety. And the older you get the calmer and more patient you will become. I will pray that God will bless you with His wisdom and knowledge. That’s one prayer He promises to answer. It gives you a sense of peace to better trust your instincts.
God bless you.
I’m so impressed with your openness. 👏👏 you are so loved by all and I wish you the best. Do what it takes so that you can enjoy this day to its fullness. The kids will grow up, move out and you will re-live those days when you were all together. Do what it takes to be feeling well and take care. Love you lots ❤️
Dear Dr Emily, Thank you for your post this evening. I full support you in this journey. I have GAD, and so thankful for my meds. I had hoped to wean off my antidepressant, but I don’t do well without. So I will be on it forever. One of my fabulous veterinarians has posted in the past about the high rate of suicide among veterinarians. I am so thankful you sought help. Anxiety is very real and you and I can both attest to.
*hugs*
Dr. Emily,
I have Bipolar I Disorder (the worse kind) and started on Depakote and Lexapro. My Dr switched me to Citalopram when my insurance would no longer cover Lexapro.
My family and I believe I have been Bipolar my entire life (it would explain a LOT). I was diagnosed in April 2004 and have attempted suicide three times. As of now, I no longer want to take my life…..but why is a whole different story.
If you would like someone to talk to outside of the medical field, I can be there in about 2 hours. I live in Northern Virginia, about 20 miles south of D.C. I am a good listener and believe me in my 61 years nothing surprises me. I know you have Tony and family, but sometimes I find it helps to talk to someone who is outside family and friends.
In any case, it takes a lot to admit you struggle with mental issues even if the stigma isn’t as great as it once was.
You take care! Scritch for all your fur babies.
V/R,
Jan Bush
It takes a lot to admit that you need help. I had/ have the same problem. My doctor knew it 1 year before me and said if she had told me that I have a mental problem I would have denied it. And she was right.
I realized it when I was sitting in a train and I saw a poster with the symtoms of a depression. I started to cry and went directly to my doc. She gave me the medication and it took a while but the helped next to the therapy. 2 years later i was the same again.
This was 8 years ago. Now i still have dark thoughts but I have good friends and they are helping me to get over it. I just need to talk about it.
Thank you for being so brave ad addressing a difficult topic.
My friend has taken Lexapro for many years and it has helped her. I pray that it will do the same for you. I applaud you for doing all you can to stay healthy and enjoy your life, and encouraging others to do the same!
Thank you! People need to know there is no shame asking for help with mental health issues. I still struggle with depression despite being on medication but I talk about it openly.
You are in my prayers.
Thank you for this post! You are not alone and so very right!!
Emily what an AWESOME post. I am so very glad you are trying a new medication. It does make all the difference in the world and you should be able to see this world in a different light. We will all get through all the chaos and have a brighter country, prayers are always helpful for me. God bless you and your family. You are awesome!!
Thank you for sharing! I too was struggling and finally asked my doctor for some help, even if temporary. I thought I wasn’t tough enough. I take a small amount of Zoloft and went through some counseling, which helped change my perspective a lot!
It also helps with my PMS immensely, so I have decided to stay on it. (Also I get a bit anxious at the thought of being off it!)
Now I tell people all the time, don’t be ashamed! It’s okay to ask for help!
Thank you! I too was struggling and finally asked my doctor for some help, even if temporary. I thought I wasn’t tough enough. I take a small amount of Zoloft and went through some counseling, which helped change my perspective a lot!
It also helps with my PMS immensely, so I have decided to stay on it. (Also I get a bit anxious at the thought of being off it!)
Now I tell people all the time, don’t be ashamed! It’s okay to ask for help!
Medication is what it is. I think most of our battles come from within. What we believe is how we live our lives. A lot of anger comes from fear. Anger is fear in disguise. Joni Erickson said life is supposed to be difficult and she should know being in a wheelchair for the last 50 or so years. Thanks for what you do!
Dr. Phil says we should use the term “brain health” as it is more accurate. Glad you are taking care of your brain! Hugs.
Hope they were covering natural supplements when you studied pharmacology but if not, Lexapro and 5-HTP don’t mix. My HD-family member is doing great on Lexapro, I get by on 5-HTP. And as humans age, they don’t metabolize the anti cholinergics efficiently. You are so brave to share your struggle.
Emily,
I’m so glad you are moving on with a new med. it sometimes takes time to find the right one. I also tried to deny meds. I finally I realized that it was not something to be ashamed of. I still see my therapist every week. This year has been especially tough for all of us. I met you on the Dr Pol show and felt a connection. I hope you are happier in Virginia. I drove through Front Royal some years ago. It’s a beautiful part of the country. Take care of yourself. You are worth it!
Thank you for sharing such a private part of your life .
I am so grateful for your blog. You see I have had depression and anxiety for most of my life and I am 64 now. I have always been treated differently because of my mental health illness. Taking medication has saved my life, even when at some point it took a long time to get my medications correct. It is high time to end the negative thoughts about people with mental illness. We are not strange or bad. We just are in need of therapy and medical help. Thank you very much.
I am glad you have found a medicine that works. I hope when we move again . I will be able to get a different medicine as well. Hope all is right, please email and we can talk.
Wonderful piece of thoughts. Yes I’m somewhat similar. Wonderful family, pretty healthy, no kids, married 3 times, divorced twice, I am a giver and do not like to be given anything.
I love people and my family, but feel alone. Been on antidepressants for 20 years. Last Friday, got a note from my doctor of over 20 years that he’s retiring, note from landlord that rent was going up 150 dollars, call from cousin that my wonderful Aunt passed away, my stepdad (more than 40 years) has chronic pneumonia in ICU that he will need 24/7 care. To say the least those ugly thoughts creep up no matter if you are on any type of medicine.
Thanks for sharing, somehow it helped me realize no matter how much somehow has does’t make them perfect and they could be suffering the same as yourself.
Thank you for your honesty. I’ve struggled with depression my entire life, but was diagnosed the summer of 2001– BEFORE 9/11! Yikes. It was such a relief to have a name, a reason for it, instead of always feeling like I should be stronger or better on my own. The first time I got meds made a huge difference. The way I explained it was that I used to start each day in the basement and have to work hard just to get to the first floor! But with the meds, I was able to start on the first floor, on the level, and move from there. I changed meds just once, and yeah, that time is a bummer! So so sorry about your pets– I get it! May your new meds be really effective and another new beginning!
Dr. Emily, wife Emily, Mother Emily, these three Emily’s come first. Years of being told it was all in my head, or that my diagnosis from other dr.s were trash basket answers; meds, that sent me into outer space of terror, one causing a seisure and ambulance trip to ER, all of which add to how you mentally feel and diminish your self worth. First cry out to God for His comfort and direction, second, do not give up! It took many different meds, to finally get a ‘group’ of ones that not only helped but allowed me to be me and function. It is finding a doctor that validates your knowledge of yourself and allows you to be in partnership with managing your meds. I like your comparison to diabetics and those that have a hormone imbalance! Never accept self guilt or guilt placed by others! I found that first my lack of being able to sleep had to be addressed first. Ambien to the rescue, saved my life! Next we addressed anxiety medication, it worked, but I found it to be a crutch and slowly weaned off, never to return. The answer, BREATHE BREATHE BREATHE, doTerra oils have one product called Breathe that a small amount on chest brings profound relaxation of chest muscles and anxiety flees! Now to seritonin uptake, only Zoloft works for me and works well. I would suggest that you ask your doctor about that medication. Been there and understand! Aside from this, maybe you need to re-consider just where you belong in Vet practice; I observed an entirely different and confident Dr. Emily working on horses or cattle. The Dr. Emily I read about here, honestly seems a little lost, and that makes me sad! You are WORTH redirecting anything in your life to what gives you the most sense of self worth and well being, maybe expressed anal glands and nail trims are not your best ‘use’ of your skills and what makes you the wonderful Emily that just needs to be re-found! You may email me to chat if your like! Blessings only!
Thank you for your beautiful words of insight, they are always priceless pieces of information, inspiration and hope. I wish you much success with your new med and will say a prayer for you. Man alive, what timing for any type of issue, health or otherwise. The light is atleast at the end of the tunnel now. Love you and your family. ❤️
Very best wishes for success with your new medication, Dr. Emily!
Thank you for sharing your journey! And thank you for your encouraging words to those who are suffering with mental issues. Many of these are brought on by chemical imbalances which can be treated. The diabetes/insulin analogy is spot on! God bless you as your journey continues!
Thank you fir posting, anxiety is not fun, I thought the same things you did when I had my daughter. Didn’t get help, didn’t know I needed help, 30 years ago you didn’t talk about things like this. Thank you thank you!
I can relate to your whole blog on this. Also, some people ask if it is a Christian thing to do to be on these medications. In fact, it is fine. It is a medical treatment for a physical imbalance and has nothing to do with how strong someone’s faith may be. So, blessings to you, Emily. You are not alone in this experience. It is not a sign of weakness , lack of faith, or anything else. It is what it is, and many people have to deal with it. Good luck with your new treatment. Your dose may need to be adjusted up or down, and some meds may prolong its absorption, so consider dosage based on that if you other types of meds also. Happy Thanksgiving!
Thank you for keeping it real!! I have been on lexapro for several years now and it is a game changer!! I’m optimistic it will work well for you!! My husband and I love you on the show and are grateful we can still follow you here! You have a beautiful family— we live in mt pleasant and met you guys in Meijer one day!!! Love and blessings to you guys!!!!
Emily, thank you so much for sharing your struggles with anxiety and depression. I am sure you have not only saved your life by your actions but also someone else’s that may have thought they were not “trying hard enough”. Keep sharing. Sweet babies you and Tony have
Oh sweet Emily, I’m right there with you. Sending lots of love and healing your way. This pandemic has really hit me hard. I also have a” great life” and some people just don’t understand why on earth I could possibly be depressed. I get you, and I’ve got you. Keep being true to yourself. Taking care of your mental health is just as important as taking care of your physical health. Thank you for sharing your story. Love to you my friend , Carol
First, you are doing everything you need to do to help yourself. You brought children in to a world you barely recognize. Anxiety about their future is a mental landmine and knocks the air right out of you. I’ve been dealing with bi-polar and PTSD for over 40 years. To many medications to mention and multiple hospitilazions. It took a long time but I know now there is no shame. I have had very dark thoughts including killing my family to save them from a bleak future. Never was a possibility but visualizing helped with my anger and the suicidal ideation is a coping mechanism. Another way to help you On top of that political divides have permeated every part of our lives to the detriment of our country and broke many friends and family. It’s sad and preventable if we were in a civil society but I don’t believe we will see that again. Then there is covid and the stress effects everyone including children. I know you have been dealing with this for awhile but you seem to be doing what you need to do. 2 books I recommend. 1. The subtle art of not giving a f*co. And 2. Everything is F*cked: a story of hope. Take care.
Hi Dr. Emily. I’m going through almost exactly the same thing right now. I quit Effexor cold turkey about 10 days ago. Big mistake. I knew it would be hard, but wanted to get off the meds anyway. Working with my doctor, we’re making some changes and hopefully things will pick up again soon.
Almost everyday, I’m racking my brain trying to figure out why I have the struggles I do. There might not be an answer in my lifetime and that’s hard to live with.
Anyway, I mean to be supportive and agree with what you were told that for some of us, our bodies just don’t seem to make the needed chemicals for us to ‘feel ok’. I would be really happy to just feel OK.
I’m wishing you and Tony the best in your journey.
Dear Emily, you have touched my heart by this statement. I am 63 years and 1 year ago i had my first deep depression. One way of coping (dealing) with it was watching the dr. Pol shows. You inspired me by the way you were doing you’re work. Never could imagine that the woman i admire so much was deaing with the same problems to. Thank you very much for your honesty. Many regards, Rosemarie 🌹(Netherlands 🇳🇱)
Awesome story, you will be helping many ppl. I agree mental illness is no diff than any other disease. Hope the new med works great for you. Hope the fur kids are doing ok. Your a strong loved person, hang in there.
I have been in your situation. I was prescribed meds, but concern about how others would see me, interfered, and I stopped taking them. My doctor chided me for being foolish and assured me there was nothing wrong with needing some help. He prescribed a different medicine that I been taking ever since. I am now a normal person! Be glad that science has found ways for us to cope. Best wishes. I hope all is well with your animals as well.
Thank you……a true answer to my prayers! My daughter-in-law has been struggling for years and no matter now hard I tried I never seemed to have the words that would help her. “Pull yourself up by the boot straps” was the response she always heard. “You need to eat better, exercise and think about your family.” I shared your story. I pray it will help her understand everybody needs a helping hand sometimes. God Bless you!
I hope she gets what she needs!!
Hope you feel better, broke my heart to think about what you went through
I’m so happy to have found your blog. I was so sad to see you leave Dr. Pol, but my goodness I can relate to those struggles with anxiety and depression.
I also scoffed at the thought of medicating. I was in my mid thirties, and also in the midst of a major change in my career path as a teacher.
It wasn’t until my doctor put me on Sertraline that I even realized how bad my anxiety had ALWAYS been. Suddenly the noise in my head shifted from a deafening roar to a murmur. Of course counseling helped, too, and 15 years later, I’m still doing both.
I’m glad that you’re finding happiness in your new place. Thank you for sharing your struggles. I was always so happy to think of the young women who had you as a role model. I’m glad to know you’re still here for them. 💝
Peace be with you. 💐
Thank you for sharing your struggle and speaking up. Has anyone mentioned PMDD?
Glad you’ve finally realized that you cannot overcome this level of anxiety. I was on Prozac for abt 5 years, then switched to Zoloft and then finally to Lexapro for my GAD diagnosis (Generalized Anxiety Disorder). Many, many years of counseling plus finding the “right” drug and counselor have me the happiest I’ve ever been as an adult. I believe that acceptance of the issue is the first baby step. Appropriate medication, then stopping to recognize the little victories and joys in life make us whole. May you continue to live your life to it’s fullest. I truly enjoy your family tales and vet insights along this messy road that we call life. Thank you.
I also take Lexapro plus 10+ years of counseling. Depression is part of the human condition.
But, what I wanted to say to you is that you are the bravest person I have never met. I have watched numerous Dr. Pol shows and watched you do everything in you power to deliver a calf or flip a cows stomach over. It is obvious that you are a special person put on this earth to mother your children and take care of animals.
Merry Christmas