I was inspired by the sermons my preacher was giving over the past 4 weeks and thought maybe I could pass the message along to you guys.
This election season has been tumultuous to say the least. Friends and families have been broken up by what color they have decided to vote. I am guilty of alienating people simply based on how I THINK they will vote and, therefore, judging their entire character and deciding how they feel about everything based on one comment they make. It has gotten ugly. At one point, after hearing the sermons online (cause COVID), I thought about all the people I know that I am friends with in real life, not just electronically – people that I work with everyday or interact with, people who are family members. On one shoulder, I was judging them and thinking “how can they think this way?!” thinking that they were a lost cause and deep down inside, wondering if I should even be associating with them. But on the other, much more obvious shoulder, I was thinking “but I really like this person in EVERY OTHER WAY! Our everyday interactions are always fun, light hearted, and pleasant, they are a hard worker and have never given me flack about doing their job or helping out. I even look forward to being with this person” So, how can two shoulders on the same body be so opposed without needing serious chiropractic intervention?
One metaphor I like to think about when I’m frustrated and confused at how many different beliefs there are and why everyone doesn’t see the world like I do is to picture a Monet painting or think of all the microscopic pixels in a beautiful picture. If all the paint dots or pixels looked just like mine, the picture would just be one flat, solid color (maybe semi-gloss cuz I’m pretty interesting). The world would not work if everyone had the same ideas. Tony and I joke sometimes that if everyone was like him, we would all still be living in caves and hunting/gathering because “it works so why change?” – there would be no inventions or searches for better ways of medicine or technology. We would all die from childbirth or a puncture wound. It takes view points from every angle and dimension to make the picture that is our world. Everyone’s tiny pixel of light adds to the depth and meaning of the world.
So the message that my preacher was talking about was that no matter how we vote, we are all still the same people, the same body of Christ (or humanity if Christianity isn’t your thing). We still have to love each other as we love ourselves. Everyone has their own set of experiences that make them who they are and how they think. The worst way to help someone see a better way is to tell them they’re wrong. Nothing makes people dig in their heels and throw you like being told they are wrong or stupid, or blind, or naïve. We CAN get past how someone else may have voted and still love each other. As the preacher said (though he did a magnificent job of not eluding to which way he was going to vote), after the election is over and everything is settled back down, we still have to love those who we disagree with and maybe try to show them the light.
Maintaining relationships is the best way to share ideas and change as a person. Cutting someone off just because you have put them into an imaginary box that categorizes everything they believe based on how you want to think about them will never help to coax them into a “better” way (just in case your way is, in fact, better). I feel like there are so many good ideas on both sides, but political parties do not come a la carte. They are like basic cable – you like one channel, but get stuck with all the other crap that comes along with it. We are an intelligent species with a 4D spectrum of life experiences and ideas. How on earth do we only have two (real – sorry third party – love you!!) choices every time? Why can we not pick a group of intelligent, non-bribed people to sit around and have intelligent conversations to figure things out? This is SO frustrating to me!
Here are some suggestions on talking to people or posting on social media to help you grow as a person and help others to see a different perspective:
- DO: “I believe that this issue could be handled like this – 2-3 well thought out and *researched* points to follow up for why.”
- NOT: “Anyone who thinks this other idea is a good idea is either blind, completely naïve, or just an idiot!!”
- DO: “I am honestly confused as to why people would think this is the best way, please, with open ears, I want to hear your thoughts.”
- Then, read/listen to their thoughts (hopefully not just emotionally spewing rhetoric they heard some lunatic saying).
- Say thank you.
- STOP
- Think about their answers, try to see it from their side, from their experiences, try to imaging what has caused them to feel this way. Is it fear? retaliation for a wrong doing? Lack of understanding of another person’s situation? Fairy tale brain (guilty)? Evil demonic possession?
- ONLY respond when you have let any emotion wash off of you and have had time to consider their side.
- TRY TRY TRY to never argue with emotion
- NOT: I’m posting this article/headline that I haven’t actually stopped to think/research if there is any validity to the sensational message it is implying because when I first read it, it made me mad and it should you too – and if not, you’re STUPID!!
- DO: Think about who all will see/hear this statement before letting it out. You may be thinking of someone in particular when you proclaim a statement, but you are, in fact, addressing everyone who might fit under this large net that you have cast. Think of your sweet Aunt whom you love and would never want to hurt, and how she might feel when she reads your post and wonders why you disapprove of her so.
Pro-tip – if you read something that makes you think “WOW! That’s unbelievable!!” whether good or bad, stop, research a little to find out if it’s true, half true, or just a conspiracy theory manifested by a bored journalist who wasn’t getting much air time.
We are more than the allotted red or blue (or whatever color the third party is), we are every shade in between, specks of this and specks of that and some even have a little glitter added. Depending on our lives, what we’ve experienced and the people we know who have experienced different life events, our view on subject matter will differ extraordinarily and we may just need to stop and think about this before we assume the worst.
Love your insight. It is hard to get past the two colors but I have to remember there is an entire spectrum out there!!
Well said, no matter what “color” you vote. Thanks for saying it too!
That was a very thoughtful and compassionate statement. I hope we can come back together because if we continue to be so full of hate, I don’t believe we will survive the pandemic and the growing danger of a changing climate.
You are such an amazing woman. ❤️
Too many people think that the object of a discussion or debate is to convince others to embrace their position and reject the opposing one. Instead, our goal should be to UNDERSTAND why people hold beliefs and opinions different than ours and to explain our reasons for those we hold.
Just let them believe what ever they want. Just know that God will be the finale Judge.
Well said – very balanced and loving advice! Good Job.
You are a very wise woman, Dr. Emily!
Your comment about everyone’s pixel adding a little bit of light is beautiful and dead on. I too have relatives and friends that are a bit rabid about their political choices. I love them dearly even though the foaming around the mouth scares me a bit. But I also know, no matter who wins the political game of the week, that they always have my back. Love the part about political party ala carte. I so wish there was a way to select political themes instead of the current “either/or” system. Ahh well, fortunately we have the option of changing (or losing) our collective minds every four years.
Well, this hit home for me. I am very guilty of assuming someone is other-than-desirable because of the affiliation they believe in. And they don’t want to believe they need to take some responsibility for the riff. Frustrating, isn’t it?
Extremely well said!
I kept thinking that I had to have been wrong about everything I thought I knew about some of my friends because if they supported someone I was so strongly opposed to we must’ve not had so much in common to begin with (values & such)…looking at it through your point of view helps me to make more sense of it all…Thanks for the insight!💕
Wise pastors are thinking many of the same things. Our pastor, also, is very good at providing the message without us knowing which way he will vote. I’ve always felt that my political views are very personal – my hubby doesn’t know how I vote – nor do I know how he votes.
This year has been extremely stressful politically but bottom line we are God’s children – adopted as sons and daughters. That is the most important factor in it all – and I am at peace knowing that God is controlling this – not me….because I would certainly mess the whole thing up 🙂
This makes me like you even more! I completely agree! ❤️
Thank you this is so well said. Does your pastor go on line so I could hear his sermons?
If only we could love each other like our pets
PROFOUND
I am a Trump supporter. I have many friends who are Biden supporters. I refuse to talk about “politics “ or personalities but will occasionally talk about issues with them. I find that we seldom disagree on what is needed, but may indeed disagree about how to meet that need. There is a multitude of ways to skin a cat, and the end result is still a skinned cat, so I do my best to remain objective, and try to remember that once I insult the other person, they will stop listening 😉
In my circle we all know each persons leanings and we have a pact to never talk politics or religion. One could not abide and was so filled with hateful vitriol that she had to go. This world has gotten mean and lost and I believe the damage is done and we may not recover. Until we see how entwined our lives are and how discord, racism, hate, and vitriol, threatens the very foundations of our nation. We can get along someday (probably not in my lifetime, 62), it’s just going to take a lot of forgiveness, understanding, and to never forget how we got here. Love your blogs and your outlook on life.
Well said & good advice!
Very very good thoughts! We are all a part of a huge tapestry, different colored threads but all blending to become a beautiful work ! Sometimes the colors clash when put next to each other individually but in the finished piece they blend beautifully. My daughter and I are on opposite ends of the political spectrum but we agree to disagree and continue to be family and friends. I hope and pray others see your great post, read it and understand the point you are making. Thank you! God bless you and your family!
Excellent! Because you mentioned messages from your Pastor; in all manner; the choice for those that do believe in God, His Son Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit~~our choice must be to vote according to what the bible says ( God’s word does not change to fit our narrative ). We are not voting for a person, we are voting for freedom, to keep this nation from becoming ‘socialism’ and most important; to vote for life. Jesus said, I AM THE WAY, THE TRUTH AND THE LIFE.
Betty, I really do believe your heart is sincere when you say voting for one party or another is voting biblically.
However, if you truly knew who you were voting for, you would be dismayed and devastated at how far from the heart of Christ they are.
God can’t be limited to a political party or an issue.
Very well said. I did have to giggle when I saw the “If all else fails, go off grid” lol! We live off grid because it’s a lifestyle we enjoy. My husband is a self proclaimed political junkie and because he’s disabled spends a bit more time in front of the TV listening to the news and burning up data on his hot spot connection when the satellite Internet doesn’t work (which is often). We had to come to an agreement about how much time the news was on and take a hard look at just how much the garbage in created a garbage mentality in both of us. Constant input would get him riled, me stressed, and of course making it easy to overflow to others that didn’t share the same mindset. It was like blaming them for the constant crap we listened to day in and day out.
We had to choose daily to remind ourselves of what God would have us fill our minds and hearts with and how He would have is act toward others regardless of the differences that make us unique
Three things I got out of your post. 1) That kitty is really cute. 2) You live in a very beautiful area of the country. 3) The kids need to pick up the toys your goofy dog knocked all over the floor. Ta Ta and happy voting!!!
“But I don’t like thinking.. ”
You started this because of sermons. It seems to place more on your shoulders that you should carry. Judgements of others are God’s business, not yours. Let go, let God.
If I must think about how other people live my first thought is that God works in us all, but in different ways. That means I must allow others to have their own relationship with God. Anything else is my sin.
To me God Is Love. That is how I should try to interact with others. Any condemnation of them is me casting the first stone and outside my right since I have so many sins of my own to worry about that will separate me from God that I do not want to let what others do condemn me as well.
Relationships are like new shoes. Some fit and some don’t. Be willing to set bad fitting shoes back on the shelf.
Emily,
Loved, loved, loved your post! Your pastor nailed it, as did you. We are way more complex than red or blue. I think we all are more purple than anything else.
Seriously, though, thank you for sharing. It’s all about generating conversation, and you’re right in that getting emotional takes away that opportunity. I think most of us want the same thing. We just differ in how to get there. And maybe we can learn from each other when we truly listen.
All I have to say is Thank you 🙏
Although I’ve enjoyed them all, this MAY be your best post to date. Thanks!
I love your open minded insight. Be blessed always.
Emily I truly believe as magical as you are with animals, the same holds true for your way with and insight of people. This came to my inbox today just after my very heated discussion with my son. It made me stop and take a deep breath to calm down. I knew I needed to say something, I just had no idea what to say to make him understand that we are very different people. So I sent this to both my son and my husband because you said so much more eloquently what I wanted and needed all of us to understand.
So from your mouth (brain) to God’s ears, may political peace prevail!💕💕
Thank you Doc Emily.Wise words.
Then I thank God I am Dutch and do not have to vote in the USA.So we are better.Np we have a different voting system and we have more than 2 parties.So that is better? We have more choice,but we always have coalitions. In the end elections are always hard.So God help America and God help Europe.
But we can all agree on one thing:There are no perfect governments.
Emily!! So very well said. I wish that everything you posted would actually happen. Maybe our children will be able to get this right. Our generations certainly are not. Thank you for this, for taking the time and for sharing your lovely self, and family with all of us that love you.
Your children will if you teach them well.
How dare you! Just kidding! Good post. Political (and religious and any other topic that is now a ticking time bomb) discourse used to be for intellectual enrichment for both sides. Intelligentsia in the past (the sadly far-distant past) gathered in salons (NOT the place you go to visit your hairdresser folks!) to present and entertain ideas. They not only were accepting of other ideas, they reveled in their variety of viewpoints. Yes, there are exceptions to every rule; but, when I was a kid (too dang long ago) debating politics in particular was one of the joys of gathering at the local cafe and having a cup of coffee while, with no malice, explaining to your company just how right you were. Today, it devolves into hatred and anger and violence and the demonization of others. What once made our country pretty unique, the free and unfettered exchange of ideas without fear of retribution, is gone. If one disagrees with another’s beliefs, he or she risks public castigation. It’s no longer enough to allow the viewpoints of all to be heard; now it is a demand that someone’s beliefs be supported and supported publicly or be branded some type of “‘ist”. Silence has become the new Underground Railroad where the mere hope is to be ignored.
Hi Emily
Where I’m from we have more than 2 official colors to vote for , 4 or 5 actually. But it doesn’t make the choice any easier, because as you said, everyone has a different perspective of life (the world) based on the many things they have currated to become their persective. Sometimes each color blurs into the other colors. How do I chose which color then?
We should pray for guidance on which color we vote for, and the color who gets into “office” – in every level of government and those who lead us in our daily lives (employers, teachers, parents, etc.)
Keep on posting, I miss seeing you on TV but I’m really enjoying this new way of “seeing” you and also your family. When a door closes another one opens! I think this a good door for you to have walked through!
WOW! We all needed to hear what you just wrote. With this COVID thing keeping us all confined we have become an angry mob as it is. I, for one, will be glad when the election is over and the virus goes away (I hope). Thank you so much for your post. It was/is awesome!!
I have friends with totally different views on subjects than I have. I have agreements with them that those subjects are off the table. WE are of an age that our beliefs (political, religious) are are solidified. It should not be who is right but what is right for me. My perspective.
Love, love, love this! You have described exactly how I feel. Thank you Emily for sharing this kind ( and sometime humorous ) insight.
Very wise advice! Thanks for your input!!
Wow! Profound! And Amen!
I am a Christian… I am a Child of Father God. And I believe in Biblical Teachings. And, after reading this, Dr. Emily… I believe YOU…May well be a better person than Me. Thank You, Father, for grace, that means, I don’t HAVE to compete…just accept. Thank You for what You TAUGHT ME, DOC.😍😘
Emily, thank you for your insights. My family and I are going through Dr. Pol and we’re in season 15. I know you left, and I certainly don’t blame you for taking care of yourself! We are always impressed with who you are and how you handle both people and animals with such compassion, no matter how exhausted we know you were! Now we know you’re a great writer and wise as well. Thanks for your insights!
Very well said!
I am so glad you advised people to research the entire story before passing judgment. There is far more to the story than ones Facebook feed can provide. I still believe each one of us can make a difference. Imagine if people were simply kind & courteous what change that could bring!
I know what you mean, my sister and her youngest daughter got into it . My niece said to her mother I thought more of you before you told me who you voted for.
I’ve already voted; not by color (red vs. blue), but by my heart. Love and Truth are my guidance.
I always stumble over the inequities of the past materials. So much hate and lies leading people to erringly believe they are righteous (Hitler and other historical figures come to mind) that I at times have difficulty believing that the Good will always win over evil. Then I realize that this is not a win/lose situation, but instead a coming together (a blending, if you will) of Mind.
A prayer that I recite daily for myself, and ultimately the Good of Spirit:
“There is no life, truth, intelligence, nor substance in matter. All is infinite Mind, and its’ infinite manifestations, for God is All in All.
Spirit is mortal Truth. Matter is mortal untruths. Spirit is the real and eternal. Matter is the unreal and temporal. Spirit is God/Love, and life is the image and likeness.
Therefore, life is NOT material. It is Spiritual.”
This always provides me with perspective that for me is the Peace that I seek. God/Love will prevail. The time it takes to for this goal to come to fruition is immaterial.
Thank you for your beautiful writings, and all others who have responded with their feelings.
Late to the game but this brought hope to my heart. Dr. Emily said, “ The worst way to help someone see a better way is to tell them they’re wrong.” Yes! Really appreciated this post.