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Head Games – You’re not broken

Dear my doctor, Human Doctor, HD

I really appreciate your devotion to figuring out my health – both physical and mental – and your taking the time to really listen to me and address my biggest concerns – “no, it’s probably not a brain tumor haha!” – even though I had already taken out an extra life insurance policy. I was even excited when you told me that you didn’t think I was on the right medication for my mental struggles and that you were optimistic that switching to a different medication would better address my issues of anxiety (perhaps a reason for the additional life insurance reaction to my headaches?). We planned to wean down the dose of my medication slowly – you know, so I didn’t die – and it would take about 3-4 weeks to get it out of my system before we could start with the new one. I walked out of the clinic enthusiastic that my perspective on life would be a little sunnier in the future.

Oscar in Michigan – he LOVED the snow!

Then, slowly, as my day went on, I began to realize at what point my body would be completely devoid of medication to stabilize my emotions… Election week. Good timing, HD.

My anxiety started with the birth of my second child in 2014 and has only continued to get worse through the third child and then the turmoil between friends and family over politics despite counselling, exercise, good diet. I used to picture me, dropping Oscar as an infant and then just vividly picturing his busting his head open, vividly feeling the emotions that would come with it. Picturing our trip to the hospital and how I would feel at his funeral. This extended to Tony, picturing him falling from the barn when he was feeding the animals and dying – continue with long emotional “daydreaming”.

Fantastic weekend camping on North Manitou island, MI

The worst was once, when I was nursing Calvin in the recliner in our home, should have been a beautiful moment between a mother and her infant in the early hours of the morning, everything was quiet and I was just loving his tiny, soft, warm body against mine when the nightmare entered my mind. I imagined how it would feel if I were living as a Jewish person in the Holocaust and was trying to hide with this baby when the Nazis were looking for people and shooting all they found hiding. What if Calvin was crying and I couldn’t get him to stop?? The long drives I would be on for farm calls would just add fuel to the fire as I was alone with my thoughts for 1.5 hours at a time.

Oscar as a newborn

I have grown up absolutely convinced that if I tried hard enough, used my attuned introspection and was honest with myself, that I could get to the root of the problem and address it. I also believed that I just needed to get enough exercise, eat right, and generally take care of myself and I wouldn’t need medication. I, admittedly, thought that people on medication for their mental issues were just not trying hard enough.

My Halloween costume one year when I went as Cat Woman

Eventually, though, despite my being able to look at my life from the outside and think “I’ve actually got it pretty good – loving husband, three healthy children, financial stability” the dark, suicidal thoughts slowly started to creep in.

Karma, am I right?

Finally, I sought out a therapist who helped me immensely, but eventually, I still required medication. I fought and fought her and myself with the idea of starting medication. I thought it was practically giving up. Rolling over, becoming lazy, and needing a crutch. I also was afraid that it would change my personality. But it didn’t. Through all of my guilt at being on this medication which increased serotonin (hormone that makes you feel right with the world) levels in my brain that was just not producing enough on it’s own, I complained to my vet mom’s group as we sometimes vent to each other, and someone commented something that changed my whole outlook on this issue.

She said, “Medication for depression/anxiety is no different than a diabetic who needs insulin to survive. A diabetic’s body just doesn’t make enough of the insulin hormone and we just don’t make enough of the serotonin. You wouldn’t judge a diabetic for using insulin because they just weren’t ‘trying hard enough'”

She looks happy

Sometimes, though, the medication you are put on is not quite the right one for you. So, after 3 years of being on Prozac, I’m now clean… and absolutely miserable. I cannot wait to start my new medication this weekend. This past 2 weeks has been absolute torture on my body – mentally and physically. I’m having to take the rescue anti-anxiety medication my HD prescribed on a nightly basis (don’t worry, it’s just an antihistamine). Last night, I felt like my chest was caving in, every single sudden or loud sound made me angry. I wanted to yell, I wanted to cry – for no reason. I just wanted to curl up in a ball, but was too restless for that.

India – toddler’s reaction to asking her to smile for a picture

So, Sunday, I start a new medication – Lexapro. Truly, I am very grateful for my doctor’s efforts. I’m sure he didn’t plan to switch my medication during this turmoil. And he couldn’t possibly know that this would also be the time that my sweet Merlin and my oldest cat, Delphi would be starting to go down hill and euthanasia would be on the table for both. I’m sure he was just excited to get me on a better medication to make me feel like a more normal person. And for that, I’ll forgive his timing =)

Merlin is much more grey now

Please, if you even think you may need help, seek it out. Even just a therapist – even if only on Zoom or whatever – you’re not broken. People don’t talk about their issues because they are afraid of how others will see them. You could have, literally, everything going for you and can still have a hormone deficiency that causes you to think negative thoughts and even hate yourself. Don’t even start with that “back in the day” crap either – back in the day, no one talked about it, instead, they just drank themselves into oblivion, became abusive to their families, or got institutionalized.

Me and my in-laws (Tony’s sister and her husband)

We are a very intelligent species and are, therefore, more prone to thinking. Thinking can be great when it is aimed in the right direction, but can also be downright dangerous if it veers in the wrong direction. Therapists and medication can keep your thoughts on track. Hormones are ridiculously influential things. Don’t think you can outsmart them.

Seek help!

Just swinging with Calvin
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Not Another Political Post

I was inspired by the sermons my preacher was giving over the past 4 weeks and thought maybe I could pass the message along to you guys.

Between a rock and a hard place

This election season has been tumultuous to say the least. Friends and families have been broken up by what color they have decided to vote. I am guilty of alienating people simply based on how I THINK they will vote and, therefore, judging their entire character and deciding how they feel about everything based on one comment they make. It has gotten ugly. At one point, after hearing the sermons online (cause COVID), I thought about all the people I know that I am friends with in real life, not just electronically – people that I work with everyday or interact with, people who are family members. On one shoulder, I was judging them and thinking “how can they think this way?!” thinking that they were a lost cause and deep down inside, wondering if I should even be associating with them. But on the other, much more obvious shoulder, I was thinking “but I really like this person in EVERY OTHER WAY! Our everyday interactions are always fun, light hearted, and pleasant, they are a hard worker and have never given me flack about doing their job or helping out. I even look forward to being with this person” So, how can two shoulders on the same body be so opposed without needing serious chiropractic intervention?

The picture of back pain

One metaphor I like to think about when I’m frustrated and confused at how many different beliefs there are and why everyone doesn’t see the world like I do is to picture a Monet painting or think of all the microscopic pixels in a beautiful picture. If all the paint dots or pixels looked just like mine, the picture would just be one flat, solid color (maybe semi-gloss cuz I’m pretty interesting). The world would not work if everyone had the same ideas. Tony and I joke sometimes that if everyone was like him, we would all still be living in caves and hunting/gathering because “it works so why change?” – there would be no inventions or searches for better ways of medicine or technology. We would all die from childbirth or a puncture wound. It takes view points from every angle and dimension to make the picture that is our world. Everyone’s tiny pixel of light adds to the depth and meaning of the world.

Mega pixels

So the message that my preacher was talking about was that no matter how we vote, we are all still the same people, the same body of Christ (or humanity if Christianity isn’t your thing). We still have to love each other as we love ourselves. Everyone has their own set of experiences that make them who they are and how they think. The worst way to help someone see a better way is to tell them they’re wrong. Nothing makes people dig in their heels and throw you like being told they are wrong or stupid, or blind, or naïve. We CAN get past how someone else may have voted and still love each other. As the preacher said (though he did a magnificent job of not eluding to which way he was going to vote), after the election is over and everything is settled back down, we still have to love those who we disagree with and maybe try to show them the light.

View interpreted by no less than 5 perspectives

Maintaining relationships is the best way to share ideas and change as a person. Cutting someone off just because you have put them into an imaginary box that categorizes everything they believe based on how you want to think about them will never help to coax them into a “better” way (just in case your way is, in fact, better). I feel like there are so many good ideas on both sides, but political parties do not come a la carte. They are like basic cable – you like one channel, but get stuck with all the other crap that comes along with it. We are an intelligent species with a 4D spectrum of life experiences and ideas. How on earth do we only have two (real – sorry third party – love you!!) choices every time? Why can we not pick a group of intelligent, non-bribed people to sit around and have intelligent conversations to figure things out? This is SO frustrating to me!

Grrrrrr!!!!!

Here are some suggestions on talking to people or posting on social media to help you grow as a person and help others to see a different perspective:

  1. DO: “I believe that this issue could be handled like this – 2-3 well thought out and *researched* points to follow up for why.”
  2. NOT: “Anyone who thinks this other idea is a good idea is either blind, completely naïve, or just an idiot!!”
  3. DO: “I am honestly confused as to why people would think this is the best way, please, with open ears, I want to hear your thoughts.”
    1. Then, read/listen to their thoughts (hopefully not just emotionally spewing rhetoric they heard some lunatic saying).
    2. Say thank you.
    3. STOP
    4. Think about their answers, try to see it from their side, from their experiences, try to imaging what has caused them to feel this way. Is it fear? retaliation for a wrong doing? Lack of understanding of another person’s situation? Fairy tale brain (guilty)? Evil demonic possession?
    5. ONLY respond when you have let any emotion wash off of you and have had time to consider their side.
    6. TRY TRY TRY to never argue with emotion
  4. NOT: I’m posting this article/headline that I haven’t actually stopped to think/research if there is any validity to the sensational message it is implying because when I first read it, it made me mad and it should you too – and if not, you’re STUPID!!
  5. DO: Think about who all will see/hear this statement before letting it out. You may be thinking of someone in particular when you proclaim a statement, but you are, in fact, addressing everyone who might fit under this large net that you have cast. Think of your sweet Aunt whom you love and would never want to hurt, and how she might feel when she reads your post and wonders why you disapprove of her so.
If all else fails, just go off the grid

Pro-tip – if you read something that makes you think “WOW! That’s unbelievable!!” whether good or bad, stop, research a little to find out if it’s true, half true, or just a conspiracy theory manifested by a bored journalist who wasn’t getting much air time.

We are more than the allotted red or blue (or whatever color the third party is), we are every shade in between, specks of this and specks of that and some even have a little glitter added. Depending on our lives, what we’ve experienced and the people we know who have experienced different life events, our view on subject matter will differ extraordinarily and we may just need to stop and think about this before we assume the worst.

But I don’t like thinking..
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Dream Journal 10/2/2020

So, I was complaining to my doctor that I have not been sleeping well as I have been having crazy vivid frustration dreams every night so he suggested I try going without alcohol as it can mess with sleep cycles and REM. Now, I will report to you on my dreams based on last night’s habits. Keep in mind that dreams are convoluted and sometimes have segue that don’t make sense

10/1/2020: No alcohol 3 nights in a row now, went to bed having not eaten in 2.5 hours, took some melatonin and 25mg benadryl

Dream: It started with some group releasing a monster from a labyrinth type trap. The gates were opened on both ends and then me and a small group of people had to flee as fast as we could before he got out. The monster was pure evil and would immediately cause the death of anything that came into his view. He could also sway anyone to do his bidding and work for him. There was another beast that was released at the same time – both were human-like but were at least twice the height of a normal human.

My group picked up and traveled with the second creature who was a very wise, all-knowing woman who we thought was also all powerful, but when we stopped at a flea market type place to buy some goods and food, we saw the two creatures talking over the tent (as they were very tall) and I knew that the evil creature was brainwashing our seemingly all powerful leader. I never saw the monster’s face, but he was wearing an open coat that was a rust orange with intricate gold embroidery and was therefore easy to spot. I had to stop the encounter before he completely had her in his trance. I ran quickly behind her so he wouldn’t see me and smacked her really hard and then continued to run – because if he even noticed you, he could have you dead. At one point he was questioning a man who decided to be smug and a smartass and the monster took a whip out and slashed once – completely removing the man’s face and front of his neck and causing his entire body to turn to lava. I remember the guy saying “ouch” and thinking “how can he say anything without a face/neck?”

We ran and jumped onto the roof of a stadium to hide and thankfully our leader came too. We then learned that we were traveling with a young girl who was the monster’s daughter and he was dead set on killing her. He found us on the roof and we fired some special water guns at him and ran. He had brainwashed numerous people to help him find us. One of our group ended up dying, but then she was able to come back and help the girl better as a ghost because the monster could not perceive her. She showed the girl a secret passageway through the house we were in and then, when the monster was in the house, we escaped by jumping out of a third story window onto a trampoline. The ghost girl somehow embraced the girl and silenced the fall.

We then ran to where we thought we would be safe – it was the house of a witch type lady, but she wasn’t a witch in the dream, just spiritual and holding power. We hid out in her place, thinking she could shield us from the monster, but his people found us and raided the house. The “witch” was able to use her power to get the men to aim their guns at each other to prevent them from firing. They merely burned each other with the laser guides.

Something happened here, I can’t remember, I want to say we got away, but had the feeling we would always be running until he found us.

Next, we were at an outdoor party/event that was ending and people were picking center pieces to take home with them. I was delighted to see that the flower bowl I was taking had some live fish in it. The bowl was a flimsy plastic and the water kept sloshing out and I was struggling to keep the fish in the bowl. Some sloshed out and I tried my best to put them back in the bowl. When I got in the car and was buckling up, trying to balance the flimsy bowl, I noticed that I also had a live baby that was used in the center piece. I had mixed thoughts about this. One: I thought it unfair that now I am responsible for another human being just because I picked up a centerpiece. And two: why on earth were babies used as decorations and what if a centerpiece wasn’t taken home, would they just throw the babies away?! I was horrified and made sure to buckle the baby in with me.

When I got home, I went to put the fish away and realized that I had other fish that I had completely forgotten about and had almost no water in their tanks and were all about to die. I frantically filled their tanks and fed them, wondering how I could forget that I had all these fish and thankful they were still alive. As I went around refilling tanks, feeding, and trying to find a spot to put the new fish, I just kept discovering more tanks full of fish that I had forgotten about. Some were busy eating the other fish in the tanks as they were all starving. I tried to move the ones eating others around to different tanks, but kept discovering more larger fish. At one point, I even found a huge red striped snapping turtle who was super angry and I was feeding it horse poop.

That was all I remember. So, I woke up tired. Still so very tired.

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“Have kids”, they said…

Having children has been a myriad of happiness, frustration, worry, more frustration, and total embarrassment. Sometimes, through all the stress and anxiety of raising young children, you just have to laugh, even if you are also glowing red with embarrassment. One thing I think is important to know about how we have raised our kids for these stories is to know that we do not have any soda (aka Coke for the Georgia folks or pop for the Michiganders) or juices in the house, therefore any cans, bottles, otherwise packaged beverages are either alcohol or milk (the kids mostly drink water).

The Hail Mary

One of the benefits of having multiple children is that at a certain age, you can start to delegate some of your tasks to the older siblings. Sometimes that works and sometimes your son up roots your favorite flowers when you get him to help with weeding the garden. On this particular incident, we were living in Michigan and shopping late at *the best store in the world* “Meijer”. I was by myself with all three kids – ages 6, 4, and 1.5. First, not one person stopped me to tell me how wonderful of a person I was for taking care of my kids like Tony always got when he went to the store with them. Second, I was tired, all three kids were wearing on me. I tried to keep the 4 (Oscar) and 1.5 yo (Calvin) in the buggy with me, but it was getting too full, so I had Oscar feel important by letting him push the cart and tried to convince Calvin that holding onto the side was super fun.

We were almost done shopping when Oscar decided to let go of the cart and start ripping things off the shelves and throwing them in the cart. I went to stop him and Calvin saw his chance. At 18 months, Calvin was already starting to show his true devious self. He took off down the aisle and started across the store. I had no chance to chase him down and keep the peace with Oscar. I felt completely exposed, helpless, frustrated, panicked.. all the emotions. So I delegated. I looked at India and just said “India, go get him”. Like a loyal border collie, she took off across the store, dodging other shoppers, pushing a few over, and when she caught up to Calvin, she took him down. My 6 yo little girl in a sequined tulle skirt body slammed my toddler to the ground right next to an Amish woman and then sat on him until I could get there. The woman just smiled and laughed to herself. India then took Calvin by his arm and dragged him kicking and screaming to the front of the store while we checked out. I just had to laugh and ignore the judging stares.

The Triple Option

My kids attended a Lutheran preschool because of the good reviews it had gotten. They loved that school and were great. One day, they had a dentist come to the school to teach the kids about dental hygiene. When we went to pick India up, she was just as happy and chipper as usual, but her teachers took me to the side for a second. I was used to hearing little stories about how good of an artist she was or how well-behaved and helpful she had been to the class. But this time, they looked a little more concerned. They took me away from where any of the other parents could hear and told us about India’s participation in the dentistry talk.

The dentist had been talking about things that are not good for your teeth and had asked the children to participate by going around the room to each say something. They went around the room and children said jewels like “candy” or “sweets” or any other option but what India decided to add. When it came to be her turn, the preacher asked, “so, India, name something that is bad for you teeth” India spurted out “Whiskey is bad for your teeth!!”

And so, we got a talking to.

Another time, we were at a small group meeting with our church and all the kids were running around in the basement having a great time, while the adults discussed the previous sermon and dug deep into questions and scripture to better ourselves. That’s when Oscar comes running upstairs and says “Mommy, I want whiskey!” Tony and I look bewildered and ask what he’s talking about and he just says that all the other kids have whiskey and he wants some too! Cue all the strange looks between us and the owners of the house – Oscar’s whiskey was another man’s Sprite. They haven’t let us live that one down yet.

The bad call(s)

There were many occasions where our kids lack of knowledge about soda made us look really bad. One, Tony was in line to check out at Meijer and had India with him. The woman checking out in front of them was buying two or three cases of diet coke. India turned to her father and very loudly proclaimed “That woman is buying a LOT of BEER!!”

We went to the Clare, MI Irish festival around St. Patrick’s Day and brought the kids to the craft fair to look at all the amazing things people had created. The kids were actually pretty impressed, but Oscar was most impressed with these model pirate ships someone had made out of soda cans. He dragged me up to the guy who had done it to show me his work and says “Mommy, look at all these boats made out of BEER! I bet daddy would like one!”

More recently, I have been having some stomach issues and went out and bought some sparkling water to get the carbonation without the calories or caffeine to help with the nagging nausea (no, I’m not pregnant – just dying – just kidding). I was picking Calvin up from daycare at a Church and happened to be walking out of the building with another mom and her kid. When I opened the door to put Calvin into the car, he saw my Perrier and shouted loud enough for even Jesus to hear “Mommy, are you drinking BEER?! In the CAR!?!”

Personal foul!

Raising children is a confusing task. No manual comes with them to tell you how to prepare them for the world. At one point in India’s life, I think she was 3, she was very big into Rapunzel and wanted hair like hers and just loved long long hair. She wore nothing but pink and frilly skirts. We were checking out at Target and the young woman checking us out had very short hair – like a pixie cut and she wasn’t wearing any makeup. India was staring at her for awhile and finally spurted out “Mommy, is that a boy or a girl!?!” Mortified, my eyes attempted to leave my skull as my blood rushed to my face. This was just at the beginning of public gender identification issues and I was terrified to have to tell her one way or the other. But I apologized and said, “No, India, she’s a girl.” India said “No, mommy, he’s a boy, he has short hair” I tried to explain to the girl that India was very into Rapunzel and her long hair, but the woman did not look amused or understanding. I felt awful.

Illegal use of hands

Raising boys has been fun in it’s own right. Constantly telling them to get their hands out of their pants, and to pee IN the toilet. Just this weekend, I have had to tell one of the boys things like “You can’t hold your penis and a balloon at the same time!” and at dinner “please wipe your hands off on a napkin and not your underwear!”

The worst time, though was when Oscar was 3 and we went with my brother and his girls along with Tony’s family to the St. Louis Zoo. We were meeting my brother there and were standing in the courtyard just as you walk into the gates of the zoo. People were milling about everywhere, looking at maps, deciding where they would go, reading plaques and signs. If you’ve had kids, you know just how fast they can get away from you especially when you have three and there’s only two of you. Well, we were looking for my brother and Tony’s family was trying to decide which animals to go see first when we lost Oscar. Two seconds and he was gone. We looked around wildly and then found him on the side of one of the walkways, pants around his ankles, peeing into the decorative bushes. He was 3 and just starting to master the art of not peeing in his pants and his tiny yellow arch was already going, so we just laughed and pretended not to see him until he was done, then ran over to cover him up. We were absolutely sure we would be asked to leave the zoo, but I guess no one saw us. Or perhaps, if someone did, they understood what it was like to try and raise young, feral humans.

I hope you had some laughs. I have not been terribly inspired to write lately. If you have any suggestions or topics you would like discussed, please comment.

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Let’s hear it for the clients!

So, I’ve written about some of the more annoying things clients can do or ask of us. To be fair, the majority of our clients are considerate and polite. It’s like always having something funny and typically negative to say about your spouse or kids when you’re telling stories in public – if I spent all of your attentive time talking about how sweet my husband can be or how squishy my kids’ cheeks are, you would quickly grow bored and may have to hold back your gag reflex. So, I decided I’d write about the good guys (and gals) who keep me in this profession – and will try to keep it entertaining.

A frequent flyer, this patient is everyone’s favorite and she knows it! Her owners are pretty cool too!

Mr. Dean:

When I was working at my first job in South Carolina, it was my first time being a small animal vet and there was a huge learning curve. When I first met Mr. Dean, he was an imposing character. Older man, gruff, zero time for formalities or politeness. Not that he was rude, but he surely didn’t take the time for making you feel better about yourself. He was a hunter and had his pack of beagles. One of his beagles he brought to me wasn’t “doin’ too good” and we ended up diagnosing with kidney failure.

Mr. Dean was a very concerned owner. He would come to the office and just talk to me about his dog and his condition often and let me know how he was doing. I told him over and over about the basics of kidney failure and that a low protein diet was important to help his dog’s kidneys, but he continued to tell me how he makes him hand rolled meatballs every night for dinner and he “knows it’s not right, but he just loves them”. Then, he finally got to where his dog would eat biscuits. So, every morning, Mr. Dean and his wife would get up and make biscuits from scratch just to feed to their ailing dog.

This is a picture of Norman – the beagle that wandered into our yard – he has since run away after his neuter

Eventually, his dog got to the point where it was time to make “the decision” and Mr. Dean asked me to come to the house to euthanize his beloved beagle. This gruff, hardened man softened greatly at this point. It was hard to see, but we had been working so closely with his dog that I knew it was time to say goodbye. After his favorite beagle had passed, he gave me a tour of his property and his “hunting kennels”. These were not your typical hunting dog kennels – they were immaculately clean, the dogs were all allowed into the house at some point during the day. This gruff old man who spends his time hunting rabbits and turkey, even had a couple of turkeys that he had taken in as pets. I don’t know much else about him, but if I died and came back as a beagle, I would certainly want to come back as one of his.

There was one guy that I met after helping him deal with his ailing old boxer and then, eventually, euthanizing. In the next few weeks, we were all so happy to see him come in with a new little bulldog type puppy. That little puppy was just a little hopping ray of sunshine! He made us happy, but most importantly, he made his mourning owner happy. Everything was as usual through puppy vaccines, neuter, and into his first year of life. And then, it happened. The owner rushed this young dog into see us because he had been seizing and would not stop. We worked on him for what felt like forever, giving anti-seizure medicine, placing an IV, running blood, had him on monitoring, but we could not get him to stop seizing. I called my boss as I was still a new graduate and asked what else we could do. He told me to try giving tiny amounts of the euthanasia solution (which is just a concentrated anti-seizure medication) until the seizure stopped.

Not the bulldog in the story, just super cute

This was the point where I had to make the decision of whether to allow this dog to continue to seizure or give him euthanasia solution to SEE IF IT WOULD work. This was in the middle of nowhere with no access to emergency veterinary care, I was alone, I was still wet behind the ears, and everyone was looking to me to fix it. I went outside the building and started crying. This was all too much for me. Then I thought of one of the girls working there as an assistant and how I had heard her talk about how weak girls can be in situations of stress. So, I stopped crying and went back into the building and started titrating euthanasia solution (pentobarbital) until the sweetest little bulldog stopped seizing.

It took him almost 12 hours to come back to consciousness, but when he did, he wasn’t the same happy, go lucky sweet puppy. He was angry, charging the cage, growling, snapping. I talked to the owner and said that this can sometimes happen with the post-ictal phase where the brain is recovering and that we would just need to give him more time. He did not recover. Finally, the owner came in to see him to see if the dog would recognize him. He didn’t. Just like with us, he charged the opening of the cage, trying to bite this sweet man who was dealt too many unfair hands. Then the owner made the heart wrenching decision to euthanize. We could not even reach into the cage to get to the injection port in his IV line. We had to just stab the needle through the plastic line and give it that way.

Broken hearts are a commonality in this profession. That owner didn’t deserve that. He was a great owner, always wonderful to us, and was even gracious after the fact, knowing that we had done everything we could.

There have been farm clients that understand that we are hot, tired, likely deprived of calories. I had one client who brought me out a freshly made smoothie in a glass after I had worked on her horse’s lacerations. Numerous clients who have brought out water, soda, coffee, some even offered beer or wine. I had one client invite me in for lunch after working on his horses. I met his family, felt 100% too grungy to be in this nice of a house and around this much money, but it was so nice to feel welcome, especially when being called out for an emergency. Small animal clients who bring us buckets of coffee and doughnuts, buy us pizza, or a sandwich spread, cookies, baked goods for Christmas, even a card sent just saying thank you.

I had one client in Michigan, who, upon hearing that I was leaving, brought in a present of a bottle of wine made from their grapes in their garden (not a vineyard), displayed on a wooden wine bottle holder the owner made from wood from their own trees. The wine bottle was decorated with a picture of the horse that I had helped them with. I still have that bottle on my kitchen counter and am afraid to mess it up by opening it.

There have been so many good clients, it’s hard to tell a full story about each of them. There was the client who was comforting ME while I was euthanizing HER horse. She was very worried about me and having to do the procedure. There was one who gave me a beautiful drawing of their dog I had worked on. There are all of those who have their animal caught and restrained for us when we get there, or let us know ahead of time that their dog or cat has been known to bite – instead of waiting until we have finished listening to their heart and then suddenly have to dodge the teeth coming at our face only to have the owner say “yeah, I thought he might do that” – and ALL the ones that understand that we are slammed with sick patients and don’t grumble at us when we fly into their exam rooms, hair disheveled, 15 minutes late.

Then, there are all the clients who just make our job easier and, dare I say, worth while by the simple act of *drum roll!!!!* following our suggestions. It’s that easy. Sometimes, when I see a client coming in for a recheck, I get excited that they are actually coming back! And then, when I find out they’ve been giving the medications as I said (though I understand some animals are difficult to medicate – but at least they gave it “the old college try”) and using the products I told them would help the most – talk about a heart fluttering moment! I’m not even talking about spending all the money on all the available diagnostics and treatments, just giving a medication every 8 hours like I said, or applying ear medication once EVERY day, or decreasing the number of treats and food given and getting their dog to lose weight.

Some clients have really grown into our lives and become our friends that we think of on a daily basis, even if we moved far far away – Mr. Dean, I still “peench ” them dogs real hard before I give an injection, and you’re right, it seems to help.

Some clients feel the need to connect with us with gifts, which is awesome!

But, as medical professionals, we mostly only get to revisit the cases that are not improving despite the hours of research and brainstorming we have been giving to that animal; who have the call backs from clients complaining or upset; who pour hours of emotional weight onto people; consoling them or talking them through difficult decisions, knowing bad news and preparing to tell the owner who is waiting so hopefully in the room for something “easy” to fix, telling them bad news and just watching as the shock hits them followed by the collapse of their shoulders and welling of tears. ALL DAY. EVERY DAY.

So, being a polite, considerate owner when things are okay for you and your pet, or taking advice on treatment for your animal, or letting us know when something got better (even if we totally expected it to) is all it takes to be a good client in our eyes. Unfortunately, sometimes, we have to put up walls of armor through humor, usually dark humor, so I apologize to those who were offended by my last post, but at the end of the day, we’re all just softies who can’t watch movies where animals get hurt, and who break down crying when we watch a Subaru commercial, but sometimes have to use sarcasm as a way to make it through the day.

Hooray for the clients!!!!

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What’s coming into the clinic?

I’ve decided to compile a collection of expected diagnosis based solely on judging a book by its cover. Basically, what we, as vets see coming in and go ahead and make large assumptions (normally we assume the worst or most obnoxious). So, here are some presentations and the expected problem.

Basset hound/Cocker spaniels: Ears. Always ears. Even if they’re just coming in for a rabies vaccine only and refuse to pay an exam fee, they will want you to check out their ears…. and a nail trim.

Red/white/blue pit bull: skin – allergies and or mange. Dilute colors = skin issues – also nail trim.

Labrador (any age, any color) not eating/vomiting – foreign body – ate toy, golf balls, raw hides, rocks, dry wall, socks, underwear, etc.

Any female dog over the age of 1 year and not spayed – WILL ALWAYS BE PYOMETRA until proven otherwise – and owner will give you a guilt trip about the expense of the emergency surgery “So you’re just going to let my dog die then?!?” even though you told them from the beginning to get the dog spayed “No, sir, I did not tell you to NOT spay your dog” (avoid a $800-$4000 emergency bill)

Puppy (any breed) under 1 year of age presenting with diarrhea, inappetence, and/or vomiting: Parvo until proven otherwise.

English bulldog: this one is wide open but can include some or all of the following: skin issues – (allergies, hair loss, ear infections, skin infections), respiratory failure due to nonexistent nostrils, too long of a soft palate, heart failure, or obesity. Inability to use hind end due to hemivertebrae, spinal bifida, obesity. Eye issues due to entropion (eyelid curling inward causing eyelashes to scrape the eye), cherry eye (gland of third eyelid popping out), dry eye (eye is dry.. and covered in thick green mucus and crust). Infection of skin around butt hole due to tail corkscrewing around and stabbing them in their own butt, also obesity. C-section: they literally cannot have puppies naturally due to large heads, small pelvis, and, well, often obesity (most also have to be artificially inseminated due to their poor conformation). *** hint – if you want an english bulldog, go ahead and save for $1500-2500 PER year in vet bills.

Old chihuahua/toy poodle – coughing – heart failure – will want nail trim – dog will turn blue trying to bite us

Young chihuahua/toy poodle – broken leg from getting sneezed on

Great Dane – vomiting/retching/bloated – GDV or twisted stomach bloated. Get to the emergency clinic NOW – the stomach is likely dying as you drive.

Cat (outdoor) swollen leg/lump/lethargic – cat bite abscess – sometimes caused by just a friendly cat fight gone wrong, but much more often by a neighborhood Tom – they will try to breed anything with a cat shape – male, female, spayed, neutered, it doesn’t matter and the fights that ensue end up with someone getting a serious bite wound. Cats have a particularly nasty bacteria in their mouth similar to the bacteria in a komodo dragon’s mouth and the bite wound will fester and cause fever, lethargy, limping until it breaks open and drains. Antibiotics are very helpful.

Male cat – vocalizing in the litterbox/posturing to urinate, but nothing or very little coming out – blocked urethra – right now emergency! Don’t wait until morning. The urine backs up to the kidneys and causes serious, sometimes irreparable damage.

Same thing goes for castrated, male goats – looks like stretching, urine dribbling, loud vocalization, sometimes looks like constipated – it’s not constipated – get to vet immediately! Some studies have shown that if you wait to castrate until 6 months of age and avoid feeding grain altogether, you can avoid this fatal issue.

Older Dachshund/chihuahua/other tiny breed dogs: “trench mouth” – the teeth are rotting out of mouth – will also want a nail trim.

Dachshund of any age, unable to walk/stumbling: Intervertebral disk disease – the same gene that makes them short legged and long backed also makes their connective tissue crap and they will often “slip a disk” and without surgery +/- major anti-inflammatories, will be paralyzed – will definitely request a nail trim.

Coughing dog anywhere in the southeast – Heartworm until proven otherwise

Dog constipated: diarrhea – almost every time. Diarrhea causes straining, straining looks like constipation. Most owners, including myself don’t necessarily pay attention to their dog every time they go out, but will notice when the dog is going out all the time and straining.

Dog stares off into space, stumbles, or collapses when not walking, urinated on self – marijuana – just admit it and save us all a big “told you so” and, like, $400 in diagnostics. We won’t call the cops.

Any animal with the history of “I think my neighbor poisoned him” = anything except poisoning by the neighbor – just doesn’t happen.

Lump on boxer : mast cell tumor until proven otherwise

Dog with episodes of choking or “something stuck in throat” – allergies with reverse sneezing or kennel cough

Dog with lameness/stiffness/lethargy in certain areas of the country: lyme disease until proven otherwise

Small breed dog with hind limb lameness: luxating patella (knee cap slipping out of place)

Large breed dog with sudden hind limb lameness: ruptured cruciate ligament (like the ACL tear in athletes)

Goldens: especially the super sweet ones that belong to a special needs child: Cancer. Every F***ing time.

German Shepherd: will rush the door viciously barking as soon as you open the exam room door. Everyone in the clinic will hear and will assume you saw the shepherd. Will not let you touch it the whole time without heavy restraint, muzzle, sedation. Absolutely will request nail trim.

Cat with scabs all over body: fleas/flea allergy (even one bite from a flea can trigger the allergy in some cats)

Obese draft/quarter horse/donkey/pony that is stiff, doesn’t want to walk: founder/laminitis

Anything that is scratching and not on veterinary prescribed flea meds: fleas. Always fleas. Especially if the owner preaches essential oils and says there are absolutely not fleas and uses a natural remedy for flea control – fleas all day.

Cat with significant weight loss: and drinking a lot/not eating: kidney failure. Eating a ton/personality change: hyperthyroidism

Anything named “Lucky” or “Miracle” = doomed.

Anything named “Angel” will bite, unprovoked – owner will definitely want a nail trim.

Again, these are things vets just assume when they see it on the schedule. It doesn’t mean every patient every time and we all certainly go into the exam room with an open mind.